Chronicles of Running: Week 8 (Just Do It)

I wouldn't say that my personality lends itself to being 'black and white' about every issue. There is one that I tend to feel this way about, though. I think expecting success or a positive outcome without preparation and doing your part is ludicrous. One of Brandon's favorite quotes says "Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity." (Seneca)

My feelings on this subject and my theory on it being pretty easy to determine...you either did your part or you didn't...were sort of blown out of the water this past week. I worked hard for seven weeks, preparing to run a 5K. I followed the C25K program exactly. It required running three times a week, which I did. My goal was not to finish the 5K in a certain time frame, but it was to finish it--without stopping, without walking. I was on track to complete each and every workout the same way, without stopping or walking during the running portions of the training. So, the last week, Week Eight, of training would be complete and the 5K was on Saturday of the same week. I decided to prepare a little more. The last workout was 'Run a 5K'. Instead of running the 5K for the first time at the race, on a course I knew nothing about, I thought it would be wise to practice first. I would finish the program early by squeezing in a couple of extra runs on the weekend before and then run the 3.1 miles twice before THE race, still giving myself Friday off so I would have fresh legs. 

Well, God had something different in mind...like illness and horrible weather. (We also were not allowed to wear headphones or see the course ahead of time, which drove me crazy!) I didn't get to practice the 5K distance before the race. In fact, to my total dismay, AFTER the race, I opened my app and realized that I didn't even do the final workout. If you know me at all and how important it is to me to follow directions, rules and order, you know how much this devastated me. (Side Note: The final workout was a 30 minute run, which I will be doing tomorrow.) I prepared as well as I possibly could under the circumstances, even if it wasn't how I planned it or the amount I desired it to be. 

What I learned from this very frustrating experience: Sometimes you don't get to prepare and you have to just do it. As much as we would like to think we are in control of things we aren't (or would like to actually be in control), that's just not the way things are. Life does not always give us warning, and we are forced to act out of instinct or habit. We are given no choice except to think on our feet and do what we can with what we have in the moment. These situations send adrenaline charging through my veins, because they terrify me to my core.  

Thank goodness I didn't wait until the week before the race to begin training. I had seven weeks under my belt, so the limited training on the last week didn't affect me as much. My earlier preparation gave me the confidence I needed to accomplish the goal I set out to meet. I did not run fast, and I never intended to race the clock. I kept a slow, steady pace, just like all 23 of my training workouts before. It was a tough course with some steep hills. There were people who stopped to walk, at some point, all around me. That was fine, but I was not competing against anyone but myself and I was not willing to compare myself to anyone else either. Preparing for this was an 8-week journey that I started, on my own, to finish strong, and this was the culmination of it. I was tempted to walk at several points, with thoughts of What would it really matter if I did? and No one would even know or care. threatened my resolve. In the end I knew that I would know, and that was enough to keep going. I also realized that if I stopped to walk, even for a second, it would be very difficult to start running again. I ran the 5K, the end of this journey had come and I learned one of the most valuable lessons in the home stretch...we are always preparing for something. 

Many times, in fact most times, we have no idea for what we are preparing. Whether we are actively striving to prepare well or passively pretending there is no purpose in it, since we do not see a tangible goal, it doesn't change the fact that we are making choices that will affect our readiness when the time or the test comes. We are preparing, albeit it wisely or poorly. 

There are no excuses when it comes to being ill-prepared. At the very least, we are all, in some way, preparing for the person we want to be tomorrow. There is always a scape-goat of justification on which we can choose to cast blame. Does that make us any more ready or help us to improve our current state? No, it just wastes time and energy that would have been better spent on actually doing the work of becoming who we know we are meant to be. Sometimes, it looks like sticking to the safe route, and other times is requires us to take a risk and just do it. Regardless of the situation and circumstances, we all have areas that we want to improve. We all have at least one thing that we really want, but we're afraid to step out and take hold of it. We are all in one of two places: 1. a time of rest, preparation, restoration and anticipation or 2. in the midst of the rush that results from taking the leap into the divine purpose for our lives. 

If you feel that you're not in either of those places, I would challenge you and encourage you to do some true self-examination to find out if you are in a time of preparation, in which you need to be actively preparing for something big, and you just haven't been clearly aware of it. Or, are you living everyday, stuck in a place that is supposed to be your 'big purpose', but it feels more like you missed your calling. Wherever you are, God wants you to be living life to the hilt, wholly present in each moment and each breath He has given you as a gift. 

I am beginning to understand where I am now...which is not always fun, because once you understand what needs to take place, then it's time to take action. I am in a place of preparation in many ways and have been here for a while. I am also positioned almost mid-air into my next big leap, with the toes on one foot still barely clinging to the cliff. My heart is pounding, and I know it's time to jump, but I simultaneously hear excuses echoing in my head with very valid reasons on why I should keep my feet on the ground. Then, I recognize the quiet voice that somehow can be heard loud and clear over the others, even though it's only a whisper...Just do it. Without hesitation, I jump, because I know the whisper is more powerful and can be trusted more than the excuses that finally begin to fade. Time for a new journey to begin...Go.

Chronicles of Running: Week 7 (Overcoming Fear)

I am a planner and a rule-follower. I like to know what the specific expectations are, in almost every situation, so I will know where I stand. Unfortunately, life does not always go according to plan. In fact, it rarely does. I had big plans for these last 8 days leading up to 'race day'. Getting sick was not part of the plan and also completely out of my control. Isn't that what fear is usually about...what we can't control? Fear of the unknown?

If hope is truly the only thing stronger than fear, then the real question is "In what or whom do we hope?" If our hope is in things or people that will fail us and disappoint, fear is likely to rule in our lives again and again. Just a hint...if our ultimate hope is found in any human person (including self), we will be let down and disappointed...every time. Only when our hope is in Christ, salvation through grace and His Word, will fulfillment be possible.

Some different themes emerge when we see hope mentioned in the scripture. Ironically, one involves seeing the essential fear God and hope in Him mentioned together. This 'fear' is deep respect, rather than actually being afraid. If we choose to put our hope in Him, the only one who can satisfy the desires and hopes of our hearts, then He is worthy of our reverential awe.

Another aspect that goes hand in hand with hope is patience. If we are hoping for something, then it has not yet come to fruition. This requires waiting, while continuing to trust that God will accomplish His purposes and keep His promises. I tell my 3-year-old that patience is waiting with a happy heart. He understands that language, but I don't think we are always happy when waiting patiently. Sometimes it means being peaceful and calm in the waiting. Even when waiting is agony and we don't feel like it will ever end, we can still choose to allow God's peace to overwhelm us in the midst of it. When hope is involved, it is inevitable that waiting is also part of the process.

The interesting thing about hope conquering fear and that requiring waiting is that we can also choose to unnecessarily extend the wait by giving into fear. If we do not step out in faith and do something God is clearly leading us to do, we are stalling because of fear. Fear of failure, fear of losing security or fear of the outcome are all possibilities. None of them are good enough reasons to hold back. Fear of anything except God is not from the Lord, as 2 Timothy says. It goes beyond simply stating that "God did not give us a spirit of fear and timidity," and goes on to tell us what he did give us. He has give us a spirit of "power, love and self-discipline". We have access to THE all-powerful, almighty God who has placed His power in us. Really, what do we have to fear? (Psalm 27:1) The answer is nothing and no one, period.

So, it really comes down to a decision. It's a decision we have to make over and over again with every temptation to give into fear. It's a choice to not be controlled by fear, even when circumstances and outcomes are outside our control. Bill Cosby said "Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it." There can be an 'it' every day. There is also an underlying, universal 'it' for us, as believers. To be confident in Christ, a seeker of His will and to have the deepest desire to obey and follow His lead, without fear, is what I want to "want more than I am afraid of it". It's not easy, and we will not do it well 100% of the time, but isn't it a goal worth striving toward?

A final thought is that fear, in and of itself, is not necessarily a bad thing. We just have to be sure we are fearful of the right things. When I examine my fears, they usually turn out to be irrational, illogical and small, when I put things in perspective. Fear of God, instead of fear of man, is one example of good fear. Fear of not trying, rather than fear of failure, could be a great motivator that helps get us to the point of stepping out in faith. Francis Chan gives a fitting example, as well. "Our greatest fear should not be of failure, but of succeeding at things in life that really don't matter."

My next blog post will be my final in this series and will be post-5K race day. I'm really looking forward to writing it, (mostly because the running the 5K part will be over).  :)

Chronicles of Running: Week 6 (Uncomfortable)

Ok, so here's the thing. I have always, as long as I can remember, been drawn to the phrase "Step outside of your comfort zone." Isn't that weird? I mean, who wants to be uncomfortable...on purpose? I like change, and I always have, so that doesn't really qualify as being outside my comfort zone. I can be quirky, though, so there are small things that sometimes affect my level of comfort. Fortunately, I have plenty of examples from the sixth week of my C25K journey to further clarify this theme.

Running is uncomfortable for me. I'm not graceful when I run, and so I am acutely aware of others around me when I am running. If there are families at the park, others running, walking or biking or cars driving by, I am convinced they are watching me. I know, in reality, they are not concerned with my performance any more than I am with someone else I may see running. I'm just very self-conscious when it comes to something like this. This describes the social discomfort of running.

Then, there's the physical discomfort, which I think is probably universally understood and simple and self-explanatory. Just in case, you are reading this and you have supernatural powers that enable you to not be in pain when you run, allow me to enlighten you. My muscles hurt, mostly my legs. If I am going uphill, my calves ache the most. My lungs burn when I cannot fill them with enough oxygen to satisfy the demand. Depending on the weather, I'm rarely 'just right', but usually too hot, too cold, getting wind burn or rained/snowed on.

Finally, there is an element of mental discomfort. I regularly recall hearing Coach Myatt and Coach Davis talk about mental toughness from the time I was in junior high all the way through high school. This is a term they referred to in every seasonal sport...but especially those that involved running, like cross country, track and 'conditioning' for basketball. I can be a pretty stubborn person, so when I set my mind to something, I am not likely to stop until I do it. I go through a variety of mental battles during every run, going back and forth about where I'm going to run (tough hills to challenge myself or the easier route?), how fast I will try to go and push myself, whether I can really keep going until the app lady in my headphones says "Begin your cool down now.", which is a given, because I am just stubborn enough to not stop until I hear those magical words, even if I am moving at a snail's pace.

Life, in general, tends to be uncomfortable a majority of the time. I believe that it should feel that way. If I am too comfortable for too long, I get concerned that I'm missing something or maybe not doing it right.

What is the value of being uncomfortable?

Example #1: We spent Monday at the zoo, and it was a beautiful, sunny, wind-free day. I do not at all regret that I spent it outside with my family rather than on a run. However, Tuesday, I knew that I had to run. We are on the countdown clock until the 5K race, and I will finish my program the same week of the race. There is not really room for 'taking time off'. Tuesday morning we heard wind. I looked at the forecast for the day. Not good. There was an emergency alert for dust storms, winds up to 40 mph, with gusts up to 65 mph. I was having flashbacks to wonderful West Texas haboobs. But...we are in Colorado, so IN ADDITION to that forecast, there was freezing cold temperatures and snow. I knew I had to go run, immediately, before I could make excuses and talk myself out of it. I put on layers (not enough), plugged in my headphones, and headed to the park. I decided to do laps close by the house so I didn't get lost (since visibility was not good) or get blown away too far. This was a unique experience, unlike any other I have ever had. The wind was blowing so hard when I was running into it that it felt like I wasn't moving. It was so hard that when it was at my back up the hill, the hill wasn't so hard. My leg muscles did not hurt so bad, because my legs were numb from the cold. Tiny balls of ice were blowing at me, and I was hurdling huge boxes and other trash blowing in my path. It's pretty comical when I look back and think about it now. In the moment, I was just putting one foot in front of the other until I heard "One minute left." and knew I was going to quite possibly survive. As I was walking through the back gate at the house, my music stopped. After further investigation, I realized that my phone had shut off because it had gotten so cold. I don't know that I have ever been voluntarily more physically uncomfortable. I also don't know that I have ever felt more accomplished and proud to have finished something like I did at that moment. It was an amazing high. So, I think one of the main reasons to step outside your comfort zone is the pay-off. The reward for completing something you didn't know you could is incredible.

Example #2: (Disclaimer: I do not recommend this, but I am choosing to learn from it and try to see the good in it. :) Sunday morning I was walking into church. Brandon stayed home with Calvin, who was sick, so it was just Luke and me. I was running a few minutes late. I was wearing high heels. I was carrying my purse, the diaper bag, and my almost 8-month-old baby. The parking lot at church has some medians, made up of rocks with pathways to walk through every few parking spaces. As I made my way toward the door, hands full, I came to the curb and was not at a sidewalk but facing the rocks. I had a choice. I could turn around and walk back to find an easier path or I could brave the rocks...in heels. I was already late and to be more late might be uncomfortable. I had gone the wrong way, and if anyone was watching me circle the parking lot looking lost, it might be uncomfortable. So, I went forward. I was almost across the treacherous rocks and my ankle turned. I fell forward in one of those slow-motion feeling falls. I instinctively put my arm under Luke so no part of him would  be harmed. As I hit the parking lot, there could not have been a more physically uncomfortable or embarrassing moment. The two greeters came rushing to me, and I can only imagine what it looked like from their perspectives. I eventually got Luke to the nursery and stopped by the restroom to discover my elbow was gushing blood. Two very sweet ladies helped me get cleaned up and bandaged. Although I am still healing from that fall, I can already look back and laugh at my stupidity and the irony of it. I was trying to avoid being literally seconds later and a little embarrassment and this is what happened. While I would not repeat this incident, the silver lining of being uncomfortable on a number of levels was that I had the opportunity to meet two gentlemen and two ladies who reached out to me in my time of need. I was humbled and required to seek the help of others, which we all need to be able to do. I can look at what I can only predict will be a scar on my elbow and be confident that I would again sacrifice myself, if needed, to protect my baby.

Growth is the result of being willing to step outside yourself and your 'norm' and go against the grain sometimes. Inspiration is born, not in the mundane, but in the uncertainty of trying something new and not being sure of the result. Comfort is temporary and pales in comparison to the amazing things that can happen when we will reach beyond the limits we have set for ourselves and believe there is something more. My challenge to you is to do something every day, no matter how small, to step outside your comfort zone and see what happens.

Chronicles of Running: Week 5 (A Covering)

During my fifth week of training last week, I ran one day when it began snowing. It was definitely not a windy West Texas snowstorm. It was a beautiful, graceful downfall of the biggest snowflakes I had ever seen. It wasn't cold and the only difficult part was that the snowflakes kept getting in my eyelashes and limited my ability to see where I was going. Earlier in my run, before it began to snow, I looked for my view of Pikes Peak that I love to marvel at every chance I get. It never gets old to look at the mountains, and the same view looks different depending on the weather or time of day. On this particular afternoon, the clouds completely concealed any trace of a mountain. It amazes me that something as thin and fragile as clouds, made of water vapor, can cover an enormous mountain. As I made my way through this dreamlike curtain of falling snow that spread as far as I could see, I began to think about the covering of grace that God offers us.

The next morning, as we drove to church, the snow had covered everything overnight. It was what I imagine it would be like to drive through a winter wonderland. It was unique because there wasn't a thick layer, and there were not inches of snow on the ground. There was just enough to make absolutely everything completely white. It was a 'just enough' layer. It made tree branches, hills and rooftops look so different, and the shapes and details were transformed into something beautiful and new under the covering. 

It's like grace over our sins, grace for the moment. He gives us just enough to make us beautiful, pure and righteous in God's eyes. We need it everyday and often multiple times a day. In fact, that afternoon it was already beginning to melt away and the next morning it was gone. Like manna from heaven, we have to depend on God's grace moment by moment and a lot of times that's all He gives us...enough for the moment. The wonderful thing about grace is that it doesn't just cover our sins where they are hidden but still there, but it washes them away and we are without blemish. You see, we don't need more and more grace for the same sins from the past. We need new grace, because through our shortcomings, we have a new need for fresh grace. Sometimes it feels like the sin is too big or I've messed up too many times. This was just another reminder that if God can use a cloud to cover a massive rock, He can wash away sin. 

"...though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow." 

Isaiah 1:18

Chronicles of Running: Week 4 (Lose Yourself)

Isn't it incredible how music affects us? My playlist for running, so creatively entitled "Running", is a crazy mixture of anything that might possibly inspire me to keep moving my feet. And of course, I always play it on shuffle, because predictability would just be boring. One minute I may be listing to Eminem, while the next song could be Little Texas, followed by David Crowder. I can't neglect to mention the song that has undoubtedly played on every run for the past couple of weeks--Livin' on a Prayer by Bon Jovi. God just knew I needed that extra push, I suppose.

One night, several months ago, my husband and I were talking about a country song that was popular when we were in high school (which was long enough ago that I don't feel the need to specify here). This led to a 4-hour spontaneous activity, in which we began to search old country songs and artists, looking up videos, taking turns guessing each other's chosen songs. It is amazing how many memories it began to stir and the stories it brought up that we shared. None of these memories were ones we shared together, but the reminiscing had an almost addictive nostalgia about it.

Lately, when running, I have really begun to listen to and examine the lyrics of the songs that come up in my playlist. Maybe it gives me something to distract me, as my runs get increasingly tougher, I'm not sure. It is intriguing, though. For example, Lose Yourself (by Eminem...don't worry, it's not the explicit version), is probably a song that makes me want to work harder and run faster and keep going more than any other. I, for one, think Eminem is brilliant. He is gifted enough to do with words and a beat what few can. Yes, he seems to be misguided and lacks some qualities that I believe are important in life. However, in five minutes and twenty-two seconds, his music has the ability to create a sense of urgency in me that causes me to want to accomplish every great thing I ever set out to do. That's pretty incredible.

Currently, my running playlist has 89 songs that comprise 5 hours and 55 minutes of music. It's not because I ever plan on running for a consecutive 5 hours...ever. It's because I don't like monotony. I don't want to hear the same songs over and over again, just like I don't read the same books repetitively (except for the bible), and I usually don't watch the same movies again, especially if they have a twist or any sort of suspense. I already know what happens! It's why I don't run the same path every time. It gets boring. The other side of the coin proposes that by taking the same path more than once, it can allow us to measure growth. If I am constantly ready to make changes and move on to what's next, I may miss the opportunity to clearly see the ways I've improved so I can build on it. Or, maybe I need to see areas of weakness that need more work, before it's time to move forward. I'm becoming more open to taking the same path, in more ways than one, in order to better evaluate and reflect on what really needs to be accomplished so I can move on with confidence and a firm foundation.

Another great aspect of taking the same path is community. As I've begun to run "my trails" on a regular basis, I am beginning to meet other runners along the way and even see some familiar faces from time to time. It's a funny thing to be running and come across another person running. Even if you can't breathe and you want to die, when you see someone else running, there's a surge of supernatural strength and energy that instantly improves your form, your lung capacity and your ability to flash the biggest, cheesiest, most fake smile in the world. It's as if to say "Hey! I'm running and so are you. We're awesome!" I saw a guy on a bike one day last week and it was snowing huge snowflakes that were coming down so fast and in abundance, I could hardly see. This was a great opportunity for the cheese ball smile, because not only were we out there exercising, but we were doing it in the snow. Like Rocky. This camraderie that develops among people who have something in common is essential to abundant life. We need people who will 'run' with us, encourage us (if only by their presence and understanding), push and challenge us and most of all, simply remind us that we are not in it alone. This brings us to the greatest community of all...communing with Christ. And if I truly will 'lose myself' in Him, I will find life and gain Christ. Maybe that's not what Eminem was talking about...but I kind of like the interpretation that involves losing myself for a purpose that is eternal and not temporary.

But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him... (Philippians 3:7-9)

Then Jesus told his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? (Matthew 16:24-26)