Hurting to Healing

There is some intense heaviness in my world right now, and I know I'm not alone. A couple of weeks ago we had a staff development meeting, and a lady from the Rape Crisis Center came to speak to us about human trafficking. She explained to us that this is not an issue just in some other parts of the world but in our own city, as well. It was informative and sad, and I walked away feeling a little more knowledgable but completely helpless.

Monday was an in-service day, and a very dynamic speaker talked to us about systems theory, as it relates to families, communities and schools. Mostly, he helped us understand how it affects children, so when we see them affected by a broken system, we can somehow try to help. In order to teach us, he shared examples of what broken systems look like, and contrasted them with characteristics of healthy ones. It was fascinating, and I learned a lot. Again, it reminded me of the brokenness in our world and of hurting people everywhere. Marriages, kids, teachers, students, families are hurting.

A man in my hometown community, along with his wife and 3 kids, is facing a brain tumor, complications of surgery and the possibility of a shorter life than any of them could have imagined. People are hurting.

People in Ferguson and outside of Missouri, black, white and every other color, police officers and convicted criminals, are affected by what is happening in our country and among the people of this nation. It is impossible to live in America and be unaffected, which can only be accomplished by pretense. We are each one affected, and in some way...hurting.

Tonight, my husband and I decided to watch a movie. He wanted gory action, I wanted shallow romantic comedy, so we compromised on a documentary that we have wanted to watch and just kept forgetting about it. We watched Nefarious: Merchant of Souls, which is a documentary on modern-day sex slavery. I didn't think I could finish watching, because I was going to be sick. It wasn't visually graphic, and it didn't have to be. I couldn't believe what I was seeing...that it wasn't a movie...this is real, and it happens every day. It happens in our world, in our country and to people who never asked for this life. Every person involved in human trafficking is hurting, and most of them don't even know it.

Uplifting on Thanksgiving Eve, right? It's important, though, that we are able to admit, especially during the holidays that life can be downright tough. It's essential that we are able to say "I'm hurting, and I need something to help me." Because if we can't acknowledge it, then we get stuck there, and the only thing that changes is that we become hurt people who hurt people. We get to a place where 'hopeless' becomes too weak of a word to describe how we feel, as one of the interviewees on the documentary put it. We cannot get to that point and survive. If we can say "I am hurting," then we can also ask for help. That is where healing begins.

I'm so glad I stuck it out until the end of the documentary, because it was worth it. You've seen these victims of human trafficking being interviewed throughout it, some of them just a shadowed silhouette. They've shared their stories and the horrific details of the nightmare they lived. They cried and struggled to find words to describe the evils they encountered. The experts shared about the psychology of it all and the Stockholm Syndrome, victim mentality, psychological brainwashing and the overwhelming statistics of those who are rescued return to the lifestyle. Right when you get to a point where you feel like giving up for them, even the ones who are rescued, because they can never recover, they ask them about what has helped them overcome what they have survived. All of the sudden, these women who were crying and quietly battling to talk, are filled with joy, have light in their eyes and are talking non-stop about the one and only thing that has helped them know they are loved, worth something and have value. Jesus. Somehow, in some way, they encountered Jesus and His love for them, and once again they have hope. They have marriages and families and ministries to help others.

It's true, people are hurting everywhere. Many are experiencing pain deeper than I could ever imagine. Maybe you saw the title of this blog post and were enticed to click and read because you are hurting, too. If that's true, please know that I am praying for you tonight, for Jesus to overwhelm your soul and bring you peace and calm in the midst of your storm, as only He can.

A song from way back when has been on my heart tonight, and I want to share the lyrics here. I hope they will offer some sense of encouragement for those who need it so desperately right now.

JESUS IS THE ANSWER

Jesus is the answer for the world today.
Above him there's no other, Jesus is the way.

If you have some questions
In the corners of your mind
Traces of discouragement
Peace you cannot find
Reflections of your past
Seem to face you everyday
But this one thing I do know,
Jesus is the way.

Jesus is the answer for the world today.
Above him there's no other, Jesus is the way.

I know you've got mountains
You think you cannot climb
I know your skies are dark
You think the sun won't shine
But in case you don't know
That the word of God is true
Everything he's promised
He'll do it for you.

Jesus is the answer for the world today.
Above him there's no other, Jesus is the way.

A Word Picture: Six Years in Retrospect

Six years ago was my wedding day, and today I love my husband more than I ever dreamed possible. Looking back, I just thought I loved him a lot as we began our life together. Six years, two kids, two moves and many ups and downs later, I realize that I'm only beginning to know what being one with someone is all about.

One of the coolest thing that we have gotten to do together is premarital counseling for other young couples as they prepare for marriage. This has been so much fun for us, and although it does require some time and planning, especially with two young children, I am certain that it blesses and encourages us as much as it does them, if not more. I have done premarital counseling/education through workshops, small groups and couples for some time. Only in the past couple of years have we had the opportunity to do it together as a team. Each time it causes us to examine our own marriage and how we are doing in these areas. It helps us reflect on where we are and what we need to work on more. It encourages us to reminisce and share stories from our history, good and bad, so we can laugh and remember where we have been and how far we have come.

Today it is an honor to share the celebration of our wedding anniversary with a precious couple who has become so dear to us on their wedding day. Kent and Mandy have opened their lives and their relationship up to us from the beginning. They've sat on our couch and at our dining room table and we have laughed, cried and prayed together over the course of their dating relationship ups and downs, engagement and now, today they finally get to express their love for one another in front of family and friends, as they commit to one another and to God the beginning of this beautiful journey.

I am so thankful that we get to see a glimpse of the Father's love through the word picture of marriage. Weddings are fun, and being married is a blast. It's even better when we realize that marriage isn't really about us. Its foundational purpose is to show us and give us an example of the perfect love that Christ has for His people, the church. So, when we read scriptures like Ephesians 5:22-33, we think it's about marriage. Yes, it does offer insight and direction which would be wise to model our marriages after. However, the true and flawless example and purpose is always Christ. Ultimately, we can be filled with hope when we fail our spouses (and we will...again and again), because God's love never fails and always pursues, always perseveres.

I am so grateful today, and every day, for my husband who loves me well, protects and provides always, is an amazing daddy to two little boys whose hero he is and first and foremost loves Jesus and seeks to honor God in all he does. I cannot imagine a better way to celebrate our love and life together than to celebrate a new beginning with sweet friends and worship together, recognizing the most important love story of all.

A Posture of Gratitude

It's been a long time, friends. My last post is dated August 2nd, the day after my 32nd birthday. Eight days later, a lot of changes took place. It's been good and hard and up and down and non-stop, but I finally decided that it is time. There are some things that need to be transitioned from my brain and my heart to my blog. As I look back over the posts I've written, there are some drafts with titles and no content. It's amusing to me, because I always think I'm being so clever by getting the titles down when I have some random thing I want to write about (later). Months later, I revisit these brief titles and notes, and at best, I vaguely remember in which direction I may have been thinking at the time. The changes I will have to write about at another time...I'm fairly certain they will not be too soon forgotten. Today's words and thoughts are too many to be combined with anything else.

I love fall and I love Thanksgiving. It is my favorite of all seasons and my favorite of holidays. I have always believed that I understood what it meant to be thankful and that I was pretty good at having an 'attitude of gratitude' most of the time. Without even realizing it, I would silently judge others who complained or simply feel pretty good about myself for realizing all that I had and appreciating it. This season has transformed my perspective and now I truly understand what it means to live thankfully every day. Corita Kent said this about understanding:

To understand is to stand under which is to look up which is a good way to understand. 

When I say I understand what it means what I only thought I understood for so long, I do not claim that I fully get it or do it perfectly. I simply mean that I have recently experienced days, un-extraordinary in any way, when my heart has overflowed with thankfulness to the point of tears for things that are not new to me. Corita said it well, and it applies to my life, personally, to add that what I stand under is grace from God and His provision and I look up to Him when I am unable to make sense of my world. Sometimes He chooses to give insight, and sometimes He just drops a big ole thankfulness bomb on me, reminding me that I don't have to 'get' every detail. More often than not, I believe it's the latter, and I'm totally okay with that.

Un-extraordinary Examples

Disclaimer: I do not label these as "un-extraordinary" because they are not a big deal (or because that isn't even a word), but because they are not anything new or different in my life.

Church 

I cry at church every week. When we take communion or when we are worshipping all together as a family or when the pastor is preaching and sometimes during all three of these things, I cry. It's not a spiritual peak moment or a Wednesday night church camp emotional moment. It's truly realizing what Christ did for me and what communion really symbolizes. It's seeing Calvin raise his hands in worship or Luke's sweet face just watching me and wondering what on earth I'm singing about. It's holding Brandon's hand while we listen to a sermon on Ephesians 5 (marriage) or 6 (parenting), knowing that we are a team. I cry tears of joy and gratefulness, not because this is the first time I know that I serve an amazing God or have been blessed with a beautiful family. It is the simple recognition of the simple gift of salvation. It's because I recognize the gift that it is, not just once, but every time that we have these privileges. Psalm 9:1 is what I have shared with my students over and over again in the past couple of weeks. It says

"I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds." 

We talk about the word 'recount', meaning that we are not to recognize and thank God for our blessings once, but again and again and again.

Work

This goes back to all the changes, so I will catch you up later on the details. In a nutshell, I am teaching elementary art at a private Christian school. I cannot even count the times I have cried at work...again tears of pure joy and overflowing from a thankful heart. How many people can say that about their jobs? I work in an incredible place with people who love Jesus and precious children who are learning to love Jesus, too. I also work down the hall from both of my children, so it doesn't get better than that. I am exhausted at the end of the day and I generally don't want to get out of bed early in the morning. Here's how I know I love my job and that I'm grateful for it: I'm not depressed on Sunday night about Monday morning, and I'm not in a bad mood in the car on the way to school in the mornings. Just this week...I cried when sweet friends from work texted and emailed me to check on my boys, because they knew there was a possibility one of them might be sick. I cried at our indescribable family worship chapel on Wednesday and again at our staff meeting that afternoon, as I shared and listened to everyone share their hearts about why they were thankful to be at this place. I cried this morning as our staff joined together and prayer walked through the halls and classrooms, preparing for the day. I cried when I hugged Calvin's teacher in the hall and told her how much I appreciated her, because I know that she loves him and pours the love of Christ into him on a daily basis. Work makes me cry...but in a good way.

In Transit

I can think of two times in the past week that Calvin asked some tough questions, and God immediately gave me words to respond, along with...you guessed it...a grateful heart. We were driving home from school one day, sitting at a stop light, and we saw a man riding his bicycle. He had two sacks, one on each handlebar. It was very cold and damp outside, as we sat in our warm car with the heater going. Calvin said, "Is that man riding a bicycle?" I told him yes. Then, his infamous question: "Why?" Without skipping a beat, I explained that some people don't have cars and we are very blessed that we have a car to drive that works and can get us from place to place, keeping us dry and warm. A couple of days later, Calvin didn't want to wear his coat...I'm sure none of you parents can imagine fighting that battle. He finally conceded, and as we were walking to the car, he said "It's not too cold out here." Again, the words flowed quickly as I responded by explaining that it wasn't too cold because we are so fortunate to have warm clothes to wear. I tried to help him understand with his little 4-year-old brain that not everyone in the world has the option to dress and live comfortably, without fear of what hardships the weather may bring.

It was great to be able to begin to share these truths with my son, and I hope and pray they begin to take root. The real lesson, however, was for me. He didn't see the tears in my eyes as we were sitting at the stop light, because he didn't know that my heart has not always been thankful for my 10-year-old, 100,000+ mile, crack in the windshield vehicle. He didn't know that God was showing me the lack of gratitude in my own heart and revealing to me something huge in my life for which to be thankful. He didn't understand that sometimes mommy wishes she could shop more often for new clothes for myself and my family, when in reality, what we have been blessed with is more than enough.

Why Gratitude Matters

The list really goes on and on, and I know it may sound like I'm just a big crybaby. I can promise you that I'm not. This is a glimpse, a very abbreviated one, into a depth of gratitude that has rocked my world over the past few months. A change in perspective like this is seemingly so small, but absolutely life-changing. I'm learning to not just say the 'right things': I'm so grateful for what I have. I'm just trusting the Lord to provide. I know that God's timing is perfect. I'm actually meaning it in my heart and living it with my life, and it makes all the difference.

At our staff devotion time on Tuesday morning (yes, another time I cried), a teacher shared this: Gratefulness brings contentment and contentment brings peace. I can attest to this statement and wholeheartedly support it. I know God has overflowed my soul with gladness in Him and gratefulness for the ordinary, which really isn't ordinary at all. I have never been more content or peaceful, when it makes the least logical sense to be either, in all my life.

My prayer for you, as you're reading this, is that you will find joy in the little things and the ability to see with new eyes the many things that have been there for so long for which you have to rejoice and have thanksgiving in your heart. May you be richly blessed with just enough.