1. So many women are obsessed with this series. The first book remained on the NY Best Sellers List for 147 weeks or something like that. At one point, the books were selling at a rate of 2 copies per second. That is just insanity. All of that leads to a simple conclusion...women are looking for something more and somehow this storyline has them convinced that they can have more. There is no way that most, maybe any, will admit that they want or need anything from the experience of reading the books/watching the movie other than entertainment. It is also impossible that what everyone gets from it is the same. It's even been labeled by some as 'Mommy Porn'. I think the motives run much deeper than the physical, though (although there is more than enough of it here). Erika (author: E L James) even says it in a interview. She talks about the way a woman wants to be taken care of and even controlled. In our culture, so many women do it all: careers, families, dinner on the table, etc. etc. etc. It is a temptation for many women simply trying to keep their heads above water to consider all needs being met and all decisions being made by a wealthy, handsome man who desires her. So, I get it, sort of. I am not saying I blame wives, moms and single women for needing an escape from life that is just hard sometimes. However, for reasons that will follow, I urge you to seek out a healthier outlet than this.
2. BDSM is falsely romanticized and deceitfully skimmed over in this series. No, I have not read the books (and will not). I have not seen the movie. You can stop reading now if that discredits, in your perspective, what I have to share. I have researched enough...remember I said I was obsessed...read reviews and watched interviews from both sides to have enough information about the details of what is included. I also have the overwhelming response of the masses on my side, when it comes to this issue. If the humiliation, pain and abuse is not apparent enough to cause those who do not practice it personally to be off-putting, then it isn't an accurate representation of what BDSM involves. It normalizes what is, in reality, a very unhealthy and abnormal relationship. It isn't a love story...love stories can happen in real life. It's a twisted fairy tale that has captured women who are willing to compromise dignity, morals and true love because it's new, different, exciting and worth it if he's cute enough, rich enough and becomes Prince Charming in the end, right?
3. It causes me to grieve for dear ones I know and how they may be affected. I have counseled clients and have friends who have struggled with pornography addiction, BDSM tendencies, so desperate to find a submissive/dominant to meet their needs that they search on Craig's List (before these books were even written). I say 'struggle' because not one of them wanted these desires but instead fought with every fiber of their being against them. Why would any of us knowingly expose our eyes, thoughts, minds and hearts to something so potentially damaging? "It's just a movie." "It's just entertainment." Not for everyone. For those who suffer, it's saying that this is ok. It's saying that it's really not that big of a deal and it doesn't lead to abuse, rape, substance abuse, suicidal thoughts/attempts. It has a happy ending. Not true, my friends. Even if you think contributing to making this type of 'entertainment' such a success affects no one else but you...think again. It affects our culture and what is permissible. It affects our children and the kind of world they will grow up in. It affects those who have been abused and manipulated and sends the message that their suffering doesn't matter, because this is popular, so they should really be able to get over it. I physically hurt when I think about the pain this dangerous message will cause and feel helpless to prevent it. The justification that enables such atrocities is truly pathetic.
There are more, so many more reasons why I see problems with these books and movie. As I watched Erika being interviewed, she seemed like such a lovely person. She was extremely shy and a bit overwhelmed by her exploding fame in such a quick time. She apparently isn't so interested in having lots of money and doesn't really want her life to change due to the fame, although both are inevitable. She has two teenage sons whom she hopes NEVER read the books. Right there with ya, sister. My two boys will most definitely not be exposed to anything remotely close to what you have written while in my home. Neither would my daughters if I had any. She read the Twilight series, was inspired by Stephanie Meyer, did a little research and wrote a novel. She didn't expect it to amount to much. I can't help but wonder if even she is a little disappointed that 'this' is the kind of stuff people get excited about. 'This' is what people are spending their time reading and their Valentine's dates watching. It's quite a declining world we are living in and I'm a little sad to think on it for long. So I will stop there and feel a step closer to resolution of my personal feelings on this matter.
