Identity

For some time now, I have struggled with a particular aspect of my spirituality. Identity in Christ. I don't know about you, but the Christian-ese I have been exposed to (or perhaps fabricated on my own) says that it is important that I strive to find my identity in Christ. Only recently have I discovered the unnecessary weight this has placed on my soul.

When I think about looking for something, like I beg my children to search for things, it stresses me out quite a lot. Did you look for it? Did you pick up things and look under them? Did you look for it in more than one place? When I have indeed spotted the exact thing they are agonizing over not being able to find, without so much as moving an inch, the intensity of my impatience and disbelief grows exponentially. My heart rate increases just thinking about it. (Children are a gift from the Lord. Children are a gift from the Lord.)

Similarly, when I really consider this task of finding my identity in Christ, it is not only difficult to grasp, but also a little intimidating. Where do I look? Who do I ask? How do I acquire this elusive and intangible idea and then how do I keep it? When I searched "finding my identity" on Google, there were many results...finding my identity: in Christ, after a divorce, after cancer, as an adoptee, 4 secrets..., 3 key phases..., the first step... the list goes on and on. It turns out it's a popular quest. There is some comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one who doesn't feel like I know who I am all the time.

Recently, I had a realization. As I was sharing about my my struggle to 'find my identity in Christ', this statement came out of my mouth before ever processing through my mind (sounds dangerous, I know). I think it came straight from a truth the Holy Spirit must have planted in my heart, because I hadn't even considered it before I spoke it. It was this:

I feel like it's such hard work to try and find my identity in Christ when I guess I just need to rest in it.

i·den·ti·ty

ˌīˈden(t)ədē/

noun

1. 1. 

   the fact of being who or what a person or thing is.

Identity is not something we find or feel or pursue or choose. It's who we are. It is a fact. I've heard another statement for years that is suddenly meaningful and logical to me:

It is not about who you are but whose you are. 

In our self-centered, success-driven, spotlight stealing culture, of course I am constantly tempted to make it about me. The fact is: it's not. And that's a good thing! If it's about me, then it's up to me. If it's up to me, then I will fail. Maybe not right away, but at some point, I will make a mess of things. The blessed and grace-filled reality is that my identity already IS in Christ. I AM a child of God. I am LOVED perfectly by my precious Savior. I don't have to search for it, ask for it, earn it or do ANYTHING at all. It just is.

What I CAN do is grow in it. I can pursue my relationship with Christ more deeply. I can increase in my confidence of this truth. The difference is that I get to do these things out of an abundance of joy because I am His. It's not out of obligation but out of deep gratitude and a desire to know Him. This slight shift in perspective brings freedom. We no longer have to be paralyzed by the fear of failure. We will fail. We already have. We can live in the sweet certainty that we are accepted anyway-just as we are. We are cherished because He is who He is...and we BELONG to Him.

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The Bad Guys

Luke ran up to me after church, holding his picture that he had colored. He was very excited to tell me what he had learned. "These people have sin in their hearts! This is a bad guy, this is a bad guy and this is a good guy!" He pointed out the people in the picture he had colored. Some of them had a cross in their hearts and some didn't.

I love his enthusiasm about learning, especially when it comes to the Gospel. I am so thankful for the way his teachers at church and school plant seeds of scripture and truth into his heart. I love that what they are learning in church are the same things I am learning in church. What I am studying with the staff at school are the same things my boys are hearing daily in their classrooms. God uses it to prepare my own heart and mind for the tough questions that are bound to come. I also feel the weight of responsibility we have, as parents, to provide the main foundation for their faith.

With two boys and one man in our home who love superheroes, bad guys and good guys are a regular topic of conversation. I know it's important to help my children understand the truth of the Gospel, but I struggle to know how to explain to them...we're all the bad guys. We all have sin in our hearts. We have no hope of ever being a good guy, apart from Jesus and His finished work on the cross. In Christ Alone. It's such a beautiful truth, full of grace. It is something I can rest in, knowing that it doesn't depend on me or the possibility that circumstances outside my control will get better. Salvation rests in Jesus Christ and what He has already accomplished. Praise Jesus.

Is it strange that, even in being confident of this, it is hard for me to want to tell my kids that they're the bad guys? That we all are...or were? How do I help such young and innocent minds see the beauty and goodness of the Gospel, without crushing them beneath the weight of it?

Again, thankfully, it is not up to me. I will fail them, but God won't. I will not always have the exact words to share with them, but God will speak to their hearts. For today, I will cling to Jesus and trust His provision for me and for these precious little ones He has entrusted to me. I will do everything I can to love them and teach them of our need for Jesus, but I will not do it in my own strength.