I have such mixed emotions about a new year. I can see my perspective shifting in so many areas each year that is added to my life. A new year is one of them. Most of us think of resolutions and tend to look forward first, anticipating what 2011 will bring. Some may choose to reflect back on the year that has just ended, the good and bad, before looking ahead. I personally have come to the conclusion that, for me, both of these are important. I must admit that I was tempted to jump on the bandwagon of "it doesn't really matter that it's a new year, it's just another day and if we want to make changes we can do that anytime". But over the past couple of days, as I've considered what a new year means for my family and me, I've decided that it does matter.
As I reflect on 2010, it seems that there were more trying times than carefree ones. I was pregnant for half the year with a 'not so easy' pregnancy. Then in July we went through a scary time with a difficult delivery and spent some time in the hospital with our precious son. He has been one of the biggest blessings of my life, so if that's not a highlight for the year, I don't know what is! Some of our closest friends, who it turns out we depended on more than we realized, moved away. Some new friends moved here and again, I see God's hand and provision. The past year, especially the latter part, seems to have been filled with death. My aunt, my "Pa", and two precious young lives that I never had the privilege to meet but have also impacted my life, went home. One young man who had brain cancer and died at the age of 27 last month was married to a girl I went to high school with in Gruver. Their testimony of love and faith is nothing short of amazing. The other was a precious baby boy who it seems went home much too soon also. His mom is another friend from high school. It has been the most incredible thing to watch the community of Gruver rally around these families, uplift them in prayer and encourage them. As much as I despise Facebook sometimes, it is so cool to read all of the prayers and comments from people who are praying and who truly care. As for Pa, there isn't enough time or words to write, but I will try another time to express the kind of man he was and the legacy he left by his life. It was our second year of marriage, and being married to Brandon is one of the best things about my life, no matter what the circumstances. I don't think that, since we've been married, life has ever really slowed down or been relaxing or simple. As we talked about it tonight, though, we decided that we don't want it to be easy. We never want to be too comfortable or become complacent, because then what happens to our need for God? How difficult is it to grow without hard times? We have definitely learned to rejoice in the small things; no matter how small, they are a display of our God's faithfulness.
As I look forward to 2011, I do it with excitement and joy in my heart! I am thrilled to see how Calvin will grow and change in the next year-how fun :) While I won't make any actual resolutions, I continue to have goals and ways I want to improve. Books to read, people to meet, and new experiences to have! I want to take more pictures! (with my camera) I definitely want to write more consistently. I looked at my list: In 2009, I had 3 blog posts; In 2010, I doubled it to 6; My goal for 2011: double it again to at least 12 (surely I can do it once a month).
My heart's desire, as always, is to walk in deeper relationship with my blessed Savior each and every day. He is the reason I smile, by Him I live and breathe, He is my purpose and joy, my all.
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