When Life Gets Messy

As I stood at the sink tonight giving my precious baby boy a bath, I was getting water all over everything, including my shirt. The same shirt that I went hiking in earlier with my family, which got soaked in rain and sweat, as I carried Luke in a backpack carrier. The same shirt I wore as I cooked breakfast (wait, no, I was still in my pj's). The same shirt I wore as I went about my whole day playing, feeding and caring for my family. Now, we were nearing evening and yet more messes continued to be created. Immediately after sighing, a big smile spread across my face and I stopped thinking about the mess and focused on the precious, beautiful miracle in front of me as he splashed, smiled, laughed and talked to me. What a joy! Without being messy, what fun do we have? What do we learn? What do we do? We miss out...on living, on creating and on getting messy!

A couple of nights ago, Brandon was gone, and the boys and I made brownies. I was holding Luke in one arm, attempting to keep him from grabbing everything within reach. Calvin wanted to do it all, and just couldn't wait to crack the eggs. One cracked in his hands and he held it to his chest trying to keep it from going everywhere (which actually just made it worse). I couldn't help from just laughing out loud. We didn't even stop to clean it up. We just took off his shirt and kept going! Once the brownies were in the oven and the baby was in bed, my shirtless little boy sat at the table eating brownie batter from the bowl and my heart overflowed with joy. What sweet moments I would have missed if I had reacted in anger, frustration or stress over a small thing like an egg cracked and spilled on the floor! It's definitely not just about me. My children are watching how I will respond to situations and they take their cues from us. I want to teach them that it's ok to get messy and it's ok to mess up. It's inevitable. The importance lies in what we do with it and what we allow God to do in us through the mess.

I read an excerpt today from Good Morning Girls's Whitney. I'm not doing the current bible study, but I've done many of them and if you have never checked them out, I strongly encourage you to do it: Click here or find them on Facebook. AH-MA-ZING! Anyway, this is from today's blog post:

"I've learned over the years that all-together people don't exist. And I've also learned that even if they did, I don't want to be one of them. In my weakness, I've seen more of Christ, and He is more beautiful than before. I've watched Him weave this grace-laced story--messy and twisted underneath--into a magnificent, intentional and clearer presentation for the world to see more of Jesus in me. I've learned that the world doesn't need one more fake all-together Jesus-follower. The world just needs Jesus." ~Whitney

I like order and organization. I don't mind cleaning, but I don't love a huge mess that I know I will have to clean up later (especially if I just cleaned that space). But when I read these beautiful, simple words that Whitney penned, full of truth and grace, how can I not want to be a mess that Christ can transform into something exquisite?

So, whether it's an accident when my 3-year-old spills his entire plate of food in his lap and all over the floor because he's learning independence (and I'm learning patience). Or, it's messy finances where God is truly teaching us to trust His provision and rely on His faithfulness. If it's a fight with a loved one and harsh words are spoken, God can teach us to forgive by borrowing from His abundance of grace and mercy. There is always a lesson, if we just pay attention.

In the tapestry of our lives, it's always messy underneath, and the sooner we realize that it's ok and accept it, the more quickly our vision and perspective will adjust to see the magnificent treasure that Christ is weaving our lives into on the other side. And when you're in what seem to be the messiest parts of life, hold onto hope, because when God is finished with it, that will be one of the most amazing masterpieces of all.

Homemaking Love

I definitely don't do homemaking in a dress

I cleaned someone else's home yesterday, and I came to an interesting conclusion. I think it takes courage to let someone come clean your house. You learn so much about people by being in their home. I definitely don't have anything to hide, but I'm somewhat of a private person and the thought of someone else going through every part of my home, even cleaning it (not the way I clean it), does not sit well with me.

I have had this rare opportunity to have some pretty eye-opening experiences in the past 7 months. One of those new experiences has been transitioning from career woman to full time stay at home wife/mom. Something that I didn't fully realize until yesterday was how much I love homemaking...making a home for my family. I love to clean and cook and do laundry. I love to give baths and grocery shop and find great deals on things we need. Don't get me wrong. I do not love every second of all these activities. I love the sense of accomplishment I feel when I've finished them and knowing that it is the small things I can do that meet my family's needs. If anything I do makes my husband and boys feel well taken care of and loved, it is well worth it. I am also not claiming to do any of these things perfectly...or without help. I am very particular about how some things are done...just ask my husband. There are pros and cons to this. The good thing about it is that if I get around to doing it, it will be done 'right'. The bad thing is that with a 3-year-old and an 11-month old, I don't always get around to it. And if I can't do it right and know that I'll get it finished, I'm not doing it. This results in a home that is either really clean and organized...or not.

I love that there are as many different ways to care for your family as there are wives and moms. Some hire someone to clean their home, and they have an amazing time making it messy together as a family. Some may not cook often, and they still make sure that their family is fed. Some may teach their 3-year-old to sort laundry and love it by turning it into a game. :) I love my guys, and it is a privilege to show my gratitude for the gifts they are in my life by serving them and providing a home that feels safe and is full of love and acceptance, no matter what that looks like for us. It gives cleaning toilets and wiping bottoms a whole new purpose.

Navigating Tolerance & Truth

The other day on a run, a song I hadn't heard in a long time made its way on my playlist. One thing I love about running and listening to music, despite those of you who say I'm missing out on hearing nature (aka my heavy breathing), is that I really pay attention to lyrics that I've never really heard before. So...Jennifer Knapp. My friend, Amanda, and I loved her. We went to Nashville when we were in high school to visit a couple of universities. We just happen to learn about a concert happening in the Ryman Auditorium while we were there and Jennifer Knapp was one of many artists performing. We were ecstatic.

The lyrics of her albums we used to listen to are so great. The song that was playing on my run was In the Name. The lyrics that really stood out to me were these from the chorus: To each his own won't lead you home. Such a small statement with a huge message. We have heard the message of tolerance preached for years. You can have you beliefs, but don't infringe on others' beliefs. Don't force your beliefs on others. Don't speak your beliefs too loudly, because you might make someone else feel bad or *gasp* be accused of being judgmental. The funny thing is that this message of tolerance (or accusation of intolerance) is directed at Christians, but apparently doesn't apply to those who have nothing but intolerance for biblical beliefs. The thing that saddens me about this is that Christians who love Jesus and love people do not tend to 'force' their beliefs on others. Although they get unfairly generalized into this category, they are more likely to share with others out of love for them and a desire for them to know truth. Another verse of the same song says this: You can hold onto your philosophy, Of what's mine is mine and what's yours is yours, but what's the truth?

On Sunday, Phil preached an incredible sermon out of John 8 and talked about knowing and abiding in truth will lead to freedom. The analogy he used was brilliant. He had lopped off a branch of an evergreen tree and explained the freedom dilemma of the branch this way, relative to our own freedom, or lack thereof. While the branch was attached to the tree, it didn't appear to have freedom. It couldn't go anywhere, except for swaying back and forth in the wind. Once it was cut off from the tree, it could go anywhere it wanted to go. From the outside, and by the world's standards, this branch was finally free. However, where we see an illusion of freedom, God sees something different. Cut off from the source of life, this branch was now dying. When it was part of the tree, it had the ability to produce sap, pinecones, shade. Now, it could do none of those things. In the same way, we have a hard time understanding that being a slave to Christ means freedom. The truth is, we have a choice. We can choose to be a slave to Christ, which enables us to walk in our gifts and what we were created to do, while bearing spiritual fruit and having joy and peace that passes all understanding. Or, we can choose to be a slave to sin, living a life filled with empty promises and a lot of heartache.

So, what's the truth? Well, the truth is that if we live by the principle of tolerance and neglect to share the gospel with others out of love, then we begin to see that tolerance is actually very unloving. The truth is that we can be nice to people and politically correct all day long, but if we keep THE TRUTH from them, then we aren't really loving them.

Ironically, Jennifer Knapp wrote songs filled with conviction and the truth of scripture until she came out in 2002, and announced her sexual orientation and homosexual lifestyle to the world. Her mission is now to travel and sing songs and give lectures about tolerance for the LGBT lifestyle in Christian communities. Somewhere along the way, she lost sight of the truth of scripture. I am so thankful that God used the amazing gifts and abilities He gave her to communicate His truth through her music when He did. He's still using it to influence me today.

Love God. Love People. Seek Truth.

Collecting Moments: A Tribute to Dad

The best gift my dad ever gave me was teaching me that people and experiences matter more than stuff. I've never heard him actually say this, but he has always modeled it by the way he lives his life and leads our family. The absolute best memories I have of growing up are road trips. We had so much fun bonding as a family. Some of the most memorable conversations I have ever had with dad were in the middle of the night while we were on the road, trying to stay awake and solve all the world's problems. He did such an amazing job creating opportunities for us to experience nature in the mountains, learn about culture and history (as he incessantly shared knowledge about everything we drove by and each historical marker we passed), and most importantly helping us understand that life is not made full by what you have but because of who you have. Because of this most important lesson, today I know where to place value and can easily let things go that don't really matter in the long run. My greatest hope is that I can teach my children how to adopt the same perspective.

Money was always something there seemed to be enough of when I was growing up. Of course, how much do children really understand about those things? Today in the car Calvin asked us why he couldn't ride all of the rides at the carnival we went to see (we quickly opted to walk to a nearby playground that was FREE). We told him that rides cost money and sometimes we have to make choices about what to spend our money on. He replied by telling us to just go get some money. When I asked him where I could go get money, he told me it was at the house in my purse. (What a wonderful surprise!) In a way, I was thankful today that we couldn't just spend frivolously on whatever we wanted. It was such a teachable moment for our almost 4-year-old to see us exercise self-control and responsible decisions about finances. Although he doesn't fully grasp it now, my prayer is that it will plant a seed, take root and eventually grow into full knowledge that contentment, satisfaction and abundant life will never be found in what we can buy. In fact, I believe these things can be found in any situation, and the more difficult the journey to seek it out, the more character will be built in the process. I love that my dad worked hard and faithfully to provide for our family. He could have done something to make a lot of money, but because of his strong character and obedience to the Lord's calling on his life, he chose instead to build a career on something that mattered, something that changed lives. I don't know how many students went through dad's classrooms and how many of those were significantly influenced. I do know there are many lives that have been impacted by him, and I know that I'm one of them. He has been my teacher, my coach, my encourager, my comfort, my protector. I have counseled too many women to not realize that it's rare to have a father who so deeply desires to imitate the kind of love our Heavenly Father has for us. My dad is not perfect, but he is the perfect dad for me. I could not be more proud and humbled at the same time to be his little girl.

Love Over Hate: One Year Anniversary

A mentor of mine found this idea very important. She made it a point in business to promote what we believed in, rather than putting down others. She taught her children to cheer for their team, rather than booing the opposing team. Positive encouragement over negative criticism. Love over hate.

A little while ago, a friend of mine posted a complaint about Facebook becoming a place where everyone is trying to sell something. I get it. I have a lot of Facebook friends who are in various direct sales companies, and there are a lot of posts and online parties that take up quite a bit of my news feed. I also get a lot of 'suggested posts' through Facebook ads. More than a year ago, I may have had the same frustration without stopping to think about the people behind those posts and what they are trying to accomplish.

One year ago, today, I decided to start my own business by partnering with the doctors who created Proactiv. I entered a market I knew nothing about, ready to promote products I knew very little about, but I had something more powerful on my side. Motivation born out of a need to be successful and bring in some additional income for my family. This reason that I became an independent consultant for a skin care line is why I don't get irritated when I see someone trying to sell something. I understand that maybe this is a mom who desires to stay home with her kids but needs the income of her full-time job that requires her to be away from them. I know the generosity of the top earner in my company who could choose to do whatever she wants with the large residual income she receives and what she and her husband choose to do is give back by supporting orphans in places like India. I seriously doubt that anyone sells any type of product because they enjoy promoting products, but there is so much more to it.

I love testimonials, and it inspires me to hear what Rodan + Fields products have done for our customers. Some have struggled with acne for years and have found confidence in clear healthy skin because of our Unblemish regimen. Others have struggled with sensitive, red skin that they have tried to cover with make up, and found relief with our Soothe products. Our most popular line is for aging skin, and the Redefine products we have are revolutionizing the anti-aging market. See, I didn't have to know anything about skin care products to promote them, because our doctors do. I can't even keep up with the awards our products and business model have received. I definitely can't count the unpaid media impressions R+F products get all the time, because everyone (including celebrities) LOVES what we have to offer.

Yesterday, I got to go to the river and watch my dad, husband and son fish together. I love being at the river and listening to the water, wildlife and nothing else. I just kept thinking about how life-giving a river is...for the fish, the animals that come for a drink. It's refreshing. It reminds me of what it's like to be a part of Rodan + Fields. My team and beyond are so encouraging and life-giving. There is endless support, sometimes from fellow consultants that I don't know personally or have even met. It is such an incredibly positive environment. Thankfully, even with the negative and complaining status updates that exist on Facebook, the leaders in our company do not allow negativity to be posted on our group pages. My nearest Level V leader even asks us to share prayer requests and offers to pray for us and with us for anything going on in our lives.

I think that I am most thankful for this opportunity because of all that I've learned in the past year from being a consultant. I've learned that it's ok to share something with someone and for them to not be equally excited or receptive to it. I've learned that stepping outside your comfort zone can be scary but also rewarding. I've learned that there can be multiple purposes for reaching out to old friends and new ones! Sometimes I have shared R+F with someone who wasn't interested in the business or the products but needed prayer for something. Other times I have reached out to people who wanted to try the products and needed someone to talk to about what was going on in their lives. Without Rodan + Fields, I probably never would have had a reason to randomly contact these people. I am so grateful for what God is accomplishing in and through me as I have grown my business and been blessed by it.

I promote Rodan + Fields because I love it. I love what it has done for my skin and that of my preferred customers. I love what the business has done for me, by way of personal growth. I love what the company stands for and the many people it helps in various ways. One year down and many more to go. I can't wait to see what the future holds. Changing Skin & Changing Lives

I have started a skin care tips blog that will have a variety of information on R+F products and business tips. I created it for my preferred customers, but I would love for you to follow it if you are interested in taking better care of your skin or want more information on starting your own R+F business. You can find the link here.

Satisfied: The Quest for Contentment

As I was cooking dinner tonight, I was thinking about how I wouldn't actually get to sit down and enjoy eating it. It's just a reality when you have little ones, and it's one that I've come to accept. I enjoy cooking for my family, even when I don't always get to partake in a fresh, hot meal with them. I don't usually mind washing dishes and cleaning up the kitchen. The satisfaction I get comes from doing something for the people I love and care for, meeting a need and giving them nourishment. If the only satisfaction I wanted came from eating the food I prepare, I would be very unhappy a lot of the time. (You'd be surprised at how many analogies I can relate back to food. :)

Moment of Truth

Brandon and I have had several conversations recently around the topic of contentment. We've challenged one another about being content in our circumstances and satisfied with what God has given us. Then, we have gone back and forth about whether that is actually what God asks of us. I am about to get real for a minute, so if you're uncomfortable with that...here's your warning. In one of these conversations, it's very possible that I was having some serious anger toward God. It's very possible that I said "If we have been faithful and obedient, why is God not moving? Why is He not doing anything for us?" As I type that tonight, I am ashamed that I had listened to lies to the point where I began to believe them and have those thoughts. Thankfully, I have a husband who could remind me that we don't remain faithful to God and obey Him because of what He gives us. We do it because we love Him. We love Him because He first loved us.

Christ Alone

As I was boiling pasta, stirring sauce and browning meat, it came to me. We don't have the wrong answer, but instead we are asking the wrong question. Before you can know your level of contentment or satisfaction, you have to identify the goal...What whets my appetite? What am I really seeking? If I am seeking a fleeting emotion of happiness, then it will be elusive and at best, come and go. If I desire the perfect job situation, home, church, marriage, family, (fill in the blank), then I will not accomplish it...or if I think I have, it will not last. However, if my goal and desire is Christ and I whole-heartedly seek satisfaction in Him, and Him alone, done. I will be satisfied. Immediately. It becomes about who I am in Him, not temporary circumstances or fleeting emotions. It's something so much bigger and so much deeper. If I can shift my focus to finding fulfillment in Jesus, then it takes care of everything else, because delighting in Christ is all-encompassing. As a by-product, I can be content in any circumstance...not because I'm always thrilled about it, but because in light of Him, nothing is too difficult. Nothing can steal my joy, rooted in a Savior who loves me, died for me and lives to lead me through this life.

Big Purpose, Bigger God

Satisfaction in life does not mean that I must find happiness in difficult valleys. It means that I must trust Him in the valleys AND on the mountaintops. It means that I must recognize that my life is about something bigger than me. When we get there and can begin to wrap our minds around the significance of that, it is life-changing and you can't go back. It challenges you to live like your life matters, not just for you but for others and for the Kingdom. It also relieves the pressure, because when it isn't all about you, it also isn't all up to you. Thank you Jesus!

I am so thankful today that my God is able to handle my misplaced anger toward Him and that He forgives me for it. I am grateful for revelation to understand (and continue understanding) the depth of His love for me. I am beyond moved to possess the knowledge and ability to be 100% content and satisfied in Christ, no matter what.

The Guilt Game

Guilt. We have all experienced it. Personally, I know guilt as a daughter, a sister, a friend, a teacher, a counselor, a wife and most likely any role I've ever played. The most guilt I've probably felt is as a mom. If you're a mom, you know what I'm talking about. If you have a mom, know that she has probably experienced guilt for not being able to be perfect for you and give you everything you could ever need, want and hope for. Yes, it's a guilt born out of love, which can make it tricky to pin down as bad. But trust me, there is no such thing as good guilt...no matter what the origin.

The Nature of Guilt

Feeling guilty does not produce anything, at least not anything worth having. It is an emotion that causes us to become stagnant. We wallow in it and somehow get stuck. If it is deep enough, it paralyzes us. When guilt does lead to action, and we do something or don't do something because of guilt, it will always end badly. It will end in resentment, regret or simple insufficiency. And when we use guilt to manipulate (we have all done it either purposely or passively), that is the worst.

Guilt Defined

The very definition of guilt exposes its attributes that prove it worthy of avoidance: a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined. Whether real of imagined. Seriously, I bet 90% of the guilt we feel is something we dream up about how we might have offended someone or could have possibly done something differently to produce a more favorable outcome. Is it just me? Am I the only one who does this?

A feeling...that calls for skepticism as well. We talk about the danger in making decision or speaking words that are based on emotion. So isn't it an oxymoron to justify feeling responsible? It just makes more sense to own it and be responsible, because either you are or you're not. If you are concerned that you said something hurtful, ask the person and make it right, rather than worrying and feeling guilty about it. If you worry that you aren't enough for the people in your life...your elderly parents you care for, your spouse, your kids, your friends...stop. Stop worrying and stop feeling guilty. You are enough, period. The very fact that you are concerned about it shows that you care, and trust me, what you do and who you are is enough.

Replacing Guilt With Something Better

Guilt does have a purpose, because it helps us know when we have messed up. And it is important to acknowledge and admit our mistakes. I just believe that guilt is a weapon of the enemy and the strategy is a powerful one. So, in place of it, I prefer to use the term conviction. Conviction is defined as a fixed or firm belief. Something that is fixed or firm does not change. It isn't fluid, as to fit the shape of a container or the details of a circumstance. A belief is substantial with a  firm foundation, rather than an emotion that cannot be trusted or dependable. Conviction is powerful, and it keeps us honest without weighing us down. It corrects us without condemning us. 

Enough

Sometimes I fall into such a habit of feeling guilty that I don't even realize I'm doing it. Then, something will happen to bring it to my attention (e.g. my mom will say "You're a good mom" and I just dissolve into tears). Suddenly, it hits me like a train: Apparently, I haven't felt like I was being a good mom lately. I might be the only one who has mommy guilt or wife guilt or Jesus-follower guilt. But I seriously doubt it. 

I hope this is an encouragement to those of you reading. I hope it is a reminder and the beginning of transformed thinking and feeling for all of us. I sincerely hope that whatever you are going through, wherever you are in life and relationships, and whatever blessings and hardships fill your days right now that, even in the moments you don't feel like it, you know and believe you are enough. More importantly, when we play the human card and inevitably display our imperfections, Jesus is enough.