What I'm Learning From My Kids

This week is screen-free week, and my bright, 5-year-old rule-follower (like his mommy) has not let us forget it at home. I'm thankful his teacher and school are encouraging the students to participate, but I have to admit that I wasn't instantly thrilled at the idea. Having a newborn, emotional 2-year-old and exploring-the-limits 5-year-old has resulted in some satisfying-my-sanity 'yes, you can watch a show' moments fairly often lately. This post seems like a repeat for me that takes place annually when I am convicted about how much time I am spending on my phone, watching TV, letting my children play on the iPad, etc. The last time I wrote a post similar to this was when I was living Colorado, nursing Luke and spending every second of nursing on Facebook on my phone. I realized that I was wasting precious bonding time with my baby that I would not be able to get back. So, I (gasp) took the Facebook app off my phone. Of course, after a while, the world of technology, be it Facebook, Netflix, Words with Friends...eventually pulls me back in and once again, I am spending more time than I want to with my eyes glued to a screen.

Monday afternoon, when the boys got home from school, Luke (2) asked (as he does almost every afternoon) "Can I watch a show?" Before I could respond, Calvin (5) came running into the living room, puts his hands up and says "Wait! We Can't! It's screen-free week!" His clever brother replies "You can't, but I can." Calvin informed us that it actually includes little brothers and sisters, as well as mommies and daddies. So far, we have done pretty well this week finding other ways to spend our time. We've played more games, read more books and spent more time outside. One time in the car, while running errands, we accidentally forgot and turned on the DVD player for a couple of minutes before I remembered. I said something, causing Calvin to cover his eyes and then quickly turn off the movie.

As Brandon and I discussed it on Monday night, I told him how important it was to Calvin that we try to stick to screen-free week. We decided that when the boys aren't here or after they're in bed, we won't force ourselves to strictly adhere to the guidelines of screen-free week. However, during the day, I have really limited my TV-watching time (proving easier now that I've finished Gilmore Girls!). I've noticed an ability to connect with Mollie more and find a rhythm with her that is not as often interrupted by the distractions of the TV screen or my phone screen. Tuesday night, after the boys were in bed, we could have turned on the television, but we didn't, and it was really nice and peaceful to just sit in the quiet and be. If our 5-year-old has the discipline to say no to screen time, then surely, so can we...and we are reaping the benefits of moderation.

One thing, among many, I'm learning from my beautifully frustrating 2-year-old is about security. His love language is the same as mine: quality time. Unfortunately, with a new baby in the house, our one-on-one time has been limited. He senses this, and even though he doesn't understand it, it's just hard. He LOVES his baby sister. Tonight at church, he introduced himself to a complete stranger who asked his name as "big brudder". He holds no visible resentment toward his sister, although he did tell me this afternoon that he did NOT want her to eat! I'm fairly certain he holds it more against me than her.

What it's teaching me is that it's ok to want to feel secure in the love of those with whom we do life. It's ok to feel insecure and seek comfort from those who care for us. It's most important to find our true identity and security in Christ. For me, it's painstakingly evident when I'm not doing that. For Luke, he doesn't completely know how to do that consistently, but it's something I want to intentionally teach him. He understands and perceives way more than I realize sometimes.

Finally, what I'm learning from my youngest, 7-week-old, only daughter. There are so many things, too many to write about here. The one thing that stands out and is accurately represented by this picture is that sometimes we need to cry, we need to take a moment and be emotional and we need to be comforted without feeling like we have to have it all together, be strong or pretend we're ok, when we're not.

She has to be held, like all the time. It's exhausting and frustrating and just plain annoying. I'm not worried that she will be spoiled...she's a baby, not a manipulator. I want to feel like, in a tangible way, that I have accomplished something each day. Sometimes it's difficult to feel that way when I have held her and fed her and changed her (and sometimes managed to feed myself and get dressed), and that is all I've done all day. I understand that this is my main job right now, that I shouldn't feel guilty about getting nothing else done, blah blah blah. It's just increasingly hard to sit and look at a house that needs to be picked up and cleaned and organized and literally just look at it while I sit. all. day. long.

So, while I'm sure Mollie had every right to cry about being stripped down naked, put in a basket, with a bow bigger than her head, I think it reminds me that it's ok to be frustrated with circumstances I can't control. It's important to remember that it's temporary. It's pertinent to treasure the moments that are already passing by much too quickly. Rarely, if ever, will I have the opportunity again to sit and hold my babies, just because they need me. 

I am so thankful for my children and all that the Lord is teaching me, through them, each and every day.

*These pictures were taken by the talented Stacie Stine, whose style I love, as it captures the every day, natural rhythms of life.