An Ego Problem

I've always struggled to ask people for money. When you read that first sentence, you may have had one of several knee-jerk reactionary thoughts. Maybe you thought "Why?" or "Me, too!" or maybe "You should have a problem asking people for money." or maybe you just got a sick feeling in your stomach or a tightening in your chest because that's how you feel when you think about the subject.

We have a gracious God who is patient with us when we just don't get it. When I was a sophomore in college, I went on a short-term mission trip to Barcelona, Spain. I wrote support letters and tried to raise money. I was a teenager and didn't give much thought to it or remember worrying the money wouldn't come through. I do specifically remember going to our final meeting before the trip, knowing I was still quite a bit short of what I needed. When I arrived, the BSM director told me that someone had given the exact amount I was lacking. It was so cool to see God provide and it was a pivotal moment in my life I can return to and remember God's faithfulness.

I went on another trip to Beach Reach on South Padre Island during spring break, and I was in charge of going to fast food restaurants and asking for donations of plasticware, paper plates and to go box containers, cups, etc., because we would provide free pancake breakfasts while we were there. That was not as difficult for a couple of reasons. Practically every place would give at least a sleeve of cups, so I didn't have to suffer the fear of rejection. Also, it wasn't as personal. I was asking for supplies, I had a tangible need that could be easily met, measured and explained. I didn't feel like I had to excessively defend my reasons for asking for paper goods.

It's different when you put yourself out there and ask for financial support. It's the equivalent of admitting things that are hard to admit. Things like "I don't have enough money, and I need your help." Things like "I don't make a lot of money, but I know I'm supposed to go on this trip." It requires an act of laying down our pride. Ultimately it takes the adoption of a new and right perspective: It's not about me.

You see, when I make it about me and what I lack, it shifts the focus away from where it belongs. It diminishes the reality of what God wants to do through this process. It is this incredible opportunity for Him to show off and get glory WHEN He comes through. If I'm not careful, I miss it. If I could do it on my own, then what happens to my need for and dependency on Him? It doesn't give me cause for shame, but it provides me with more than RESOURCES but a REASON to boast in Him alone.

When I am tempted to despair or worry or wish I could just do it without any help, what I should really do is be thankful that God uses these opportunities to humble me, teach me and provide for me like a Good Daddy does. He doesn't want me to worry, He wants me to TRUST.