London is so lucky...

This morning I overheard my mom tell someone that I was dreading Brandon going out of town, naturally. My immediate thought was "No, I'm not. I'm fine." Then the rest of my day happened.

1. We went on a breakfast date, just my husband and me, to the Omelette Parlor. It was delicious and fun and we had great conversation. I just kept tearing up through the entire meal and trying so hard not to cry. Wow, emotions out of nowhere!

2. I kept trying to pick little fights with him all morning. I wasn't intentionally doing it, but when I think about it now, it makes a lot of sense. It's harder to miss someone when you're mad at them.

3. As I was driving him to the airport, I was very quiet (which is not really like me). I knew he would think something was wrong or I was mad. Then, I began to see with clarity how, by giving into selfishness and self-pity, I could actually make him feel guilty about going, deflate his excitement and ruin the day he'd been looking forward to for months. This is not how this was supposed to go.

So, I made an effort to pull myself together, say a sincere goodbye and be joyful for my husband. We talked on the phone four times before he got on his overseas flight, and every time I told him how much I missed him and loved him. Sometimes it's the simplest ways that the enemy attempts to use us for one another's discouragement, rather than what God intends to be an opportunity for a holy experience. In the end, I'm grateful that I'm sad the hubs is going away. If it didn't bother me, that's when I would really be worried...

You know the episode of Friends when Chandler and Ross are SO excited that Gandalf is coming to town? Then, he gets stuck in Chicago and they say "Man, Chicago is so lucky." At about 3:30 tomorrow morning, London will be so lucky, because Brandon will be there. Then, Johannesburg-Livingstone-New Day Orphanage. Then, in 12 days, Colorado Springs and my boys and I will be the lucky ones because our Knight in Shining Armor will be home. Can't wait.

No Risk, No Reward

"A ship is always safe at the shore-but that is NOT what it is built for."

― Albert Einstein

I took a couple of risks today. I went to get a pedicure with mom and chose dark brown polish for my color. I debated on a color for at least five minutes. I love neutral colors and my husband complains that I have no color in my wardrobe. But I had never tried neutral for my toenails. It was a big decision. What if it looked awful? I went for it and love it! I was playing a card game with my family tonight called Deuce Deuce. I chose to keep four 9s, which is quite risky. It paid off and I didn't get stuck with points. I realize these are small risks, especially in the scheme of things, like real life.

I love the idea of being a risk-taker, and in some situations, I'm even the one who does it. I have bungee-jumped, scuba-dived, moved overseas alone, sat on an alligator's back, eaten various types of animals, uncommon to the American diet (I won't upset you with specifics or details), gone boogie-boarding in hurricane-like weather, started a business...the list goes on and on. I have taken some risks in my life. I also tend to avoid risks daily. Not the risks you think of as 'big' but the day-to-day opportunities that truly could prove to be life-changing if I would be willing to step outside my norm just a little.

Here's a recent example. Last night Brandon and I were hanging out at Pikes Perk coffee shop. When I was in the restroom, I could hear someone else in there who sounded like she was crying. When we were washing our hands, it was evident she had been upset but was trying to pull herself together. I offered her a paper towel, she accepted it and then she walked out the door and left the shop. It was one of those moments where you feel like you should say something and you want to, but it's just too uncomfortable. I am still thinking about it, so I obviously regret not asking her if she was ok or if she needed to talk. Yes, she was a complete stranger, and no, I do not normally do things like that. That's kind of the point. What if I could have offered some comfort or encouragement or just a listening ear?I am a counselor, so I guess I should be inclined to offer help in a situation like that. I have always wanted to be one of those people who could just talk to a complete stranger and carry on a conversation with anyone, unafraid. The risk? They reject my offer to help, think I'm crazy, or just ignore me. I don't know if I even consider any of those things legitimately risky. So what's my excuse? I'm not sure.

When I think about the chances I've taken, I don't remember a single thing that I wish I wouldn't have done. However, I can recall things I didn't do and wonder what might have happened if I took the risk. Most of the things I regret not doing aren't big...a conversation, a trip, an opportunity to put myself out there and really see what I could accomplish. And honestly, the outcome if I had done things differently would most likely not be life-altering. The aspect that is most difficult to live with is that I'll never know.

Putting these things in writing and then sharing it with the world is a risk and, in a way, causes me to challenge myself to take more everyday risks, rather than being afraid of failing, hurt pride or doing things differently. I do know that when I hear about risks others took, or I read quotes about taking a leap of faith, it inspires me. It stirs up passion inside of me. When something affects me in that way, I want to grab it and hang on with everything I have.

"When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important." -Ellen DeGeneres

Conclusions? I'm going to take more risks, trust my instincts and talk to someone I don't know everyday. I want to hear people's stories, learn what makes them unique or what we may have in common. I want to meet people from all walks of life and take the time to hear what they have to say, because I believe that everyone has something to offer that no one else can. I am going to be intentional about being uncomfortable for the sake of learning more about others and about myself. I can't wait to see what happens.

Like Einstein's quote above says, I was made for something more than to stay safely at the shore. Like my dear friend Gabriel tweeted recently- Tired of living average. Ready to embrace greatness. My easily distracted mind says no. My spirit and heart say there is more to this life.

The Desert in the Colorado Rockies

Photo Credit: Wellington Street Pentecostal Church

Deserts and mountains are different climates and different land formations. They really don't have much of anything in common. One is rocky, sometimes green with lots of trees, wildlife and water runoff from the glorious snow on the peaks. It has temperatures ranging from well below freezing (and apparently blizzards in May) to really warm. The other is sand. Lots and lots of sand. Hot and dry with extremely limited vegetation and life, because life of all kinds usually requires water to be healthy and sustained. So how could a desert be found 'in' the mountains? When the desert is figurative, referring to a season of life and the mountains are literal. 

Photo Credit: Outward Bound

A Recap

My husband, Brandon, was a lead pastor in Lubbock, Texas. That's what he was doing when we met, dated, got engaged and married. That's what he kept doing up until November 2013. In January, we knew God was beginning to move our hearts and beginning to prepare us to leave Lubbock. We began to pray for direction, guidance and courage to be obedient. Long story short, we prepared to put our house on the market, and it sold for cash before it was officially listed. It was decided for us, by this, that we would be moving sooner than we planned. Due to the lack of job offers flooding in, we went to a safe haven where there was an opportunity. An opportunity to rest, pray and wait for God to show us what was next. My gracious brother and sister-in-law invited us to come to Colorado Springs and live with them as long as we needed. They have a full basement, complete with a kitchen, bathroom, bedroom and living area. They offered it to us, and we gratefully accepted and have been living here since the week of Thanksgiving. To share with you the lessons we have learned from this experience of living in the basement with our family of four and most of our stuff in storage will take a whole separate blog and maybe even a book. I'm contemplating writing it someday: Lessons from the Basement or The Family Under the Stairs. Haha. Who knows?

An Update
I say all of that to tell you this: We have been in a desert season in Colorado for almost 6 months now.  That statement has such a negative connotation, but it isn't meant to elicit pity or sorrow. While we have been surrounded by the beauty of this place, we have definitely experienced just as many, if not more, figurative mountaintops as valleys.

It has been a desert season because there hasn't been clarity, direction or certainty about anything. There hasn't been career opportunities or affirmation in a job search. Many times there hasn't been confidence in our decision to come here. There has been doubt and instability. There have been challenges with our two young children...normal challenges...that seem insurmountable some days. There has been A LOT of togetherness for our family. We are together, for the most part, all day every day. This could be listed under both the mountaintop and valley, the fresh springs of life and the desert. It just depends not the day...or the hour.

On the other hand, there has been endless provision for opportunity. It hasn't been where we have looked all the time. While we were focused on opportunities for jobs, God has been preparing us for what He has for us next. While we were focused on giving stability to our family (and let's face it, our consciences), God has been providing an opportunity for us to truly build an unshakable foundation of faith, trust and courage...not just within our marriage, not just within our family of four, not even just within the seven of us who live under the same roof, but with the extended family with whom our relationships have been enriched by this move. With our friends, old and new, who we miss and by whom we have been incredibly blessed to get to know.

My husband has referred to this time as a 'forced sabbatical' that neither of us really wanted or asked for but that God knew we needed. He still knows more than we do about what's next and the ways He needs to shape us and prepare us for what is in store. All I know is that if it takes this long to get us ready, it's going to be good.

We have taken up running, which has been awesome! (Refer to previous Running Chronicles blog posts for that journey.) We are still running, for those of you who are wondering. We read more, write more, communicate better. We have been given the amazing gift of time to be together, grow together and simply focus on diving into our passions, God's Word, our relationships with Him and with each other. Rarely does anyone get this chance. So, while there are days that I just want to be done with this season, with the basement and with growth that is painful and requires patience I don't believe I have, I have an even bigger potential dilemma. A dilemma that not only keeps me going, but it causes me to dig in and strive to push myself to really make the most of this time, even on the tough days. It's the looming possibility that I will look back at this time and have regret. I don't want to look back and see missed opportunities because of my impatience to move on to the next thing. I never want to get where we are headed and reflect only to see that I wasted any part of this time...or even question if I might have spent it better.

So, six months later, we are still praying and seeking God to show us what's next. The only thing that has changed is our perspective. God has transformed our thinking about the whole situation, about our lives, into something that truly enables us to see the bigger picture. There are some promising opportunities now, and we still don't know where they will lead. We can wake up to each new day, though, with confidence that wherever we go, God is with us and His purpose is ultimate. It is for our good and His glory. That's all we need to know.

Photo Credit: Eric Valentine's Praise Photography Blog

The above lyrics are from a great hymn from John Newton that I recently discovered. Click here to see the rest of the lyrics.


Brandon is leaving Friday to go to New Day Orphanage in Zambia with a group from Fellowship Church Lubbock. Please pray for them. The boys and I will spend that time in Texas with family.

Questions 3-year-olds ask

As I was tucking Calvin in last night, we sang 'the candle song' which he always requests (take your candle, run to the darkness, seek out the hopeless, confused and torn. carry your candle for all to see. take your candle and go light your world) Those are the only words we sing because they're the only ones I know. Then, I prayed. This was our conversation after I finished praying...

C: Mommy, is it snowing at Jesus's house? (It's been snowing all day here.)
Me: I don't know if it's snowing in Heaven, sweetie.
C: Is that where Jesus and God live?
Me: Yes.
C: But I don't see God.
Me: We will see Him someday when we go to Heaven.
C: Why not 10 days?
Me: Well, we have to die to go to Heaven, and we will live on Earth until then.
C: Why do we have to live on Earth?
Me: God has put us here to live and tell people about Jesus until He calls us home to Heaven. Heaven is our real home.
C: Will you sleep with me? I'm scary. (He means 'scared'.)

Calvin asks "Why?" about 1,500 times a day. He asks so many questions that he doesn't listen for the answer to and doesn't really want to know. He just likes to talk. It gets really frustrating sometimes and so many times I just want to ignore him or tell him to never ask why again. However, when he asks me questions about Jesus, I just soak it in and I want him to ask more. If he really wanted to stall at bedtime, which he always does, he should just ask a million questions about Jesus and I would stay with him and talk to him about it all night long. I love that he's interested and so much of the time I see that the wheels are turning, but every once in a while I get a glimpse into his thoughts, and it is a precious gift.

This video is old but good. Click Here to see a younger version of Calvin as he is first discovering who Jesus is.

Mother's Day

Happy Mom's Day!

My beautiful mom is my biggest supporter and encourager, my inspiration and my best friend. I am so blessed and so thankful to have such an exquisite example of a Proverbs 31 woman. She listens when I need to talk. She offers advice and wisdom all the times that I so desperately need it. She reminds me of God's infinite love for me and His wonderful plan for my life. She tells me that I am a good wife and a good mom when I feel inadequate. I do not deserve her, but am grateful that God chose her to be my mom.

I am equally honored to be called "Mommy" by these two precious boys. (Of course, Luke can't say it yet. I thought maybe that would be his gift to me today!) I am amazed by these two many moments each and every day. 

Calvin is loving and sincere, always concerned about others. He is affectionate and loves to snuggle, read books and tell his family how much he loves us. He is adventurous but cautious and does things on his own terms and in his own time. He is reserved and observant much of the time, but he also loves to sing, dance, jump on the trampoline and play any and every sport.

Luke's personality is beginning to show, and he is going to be a beautiful mess! He is fearless and loud. He is a baby of extremes, like his daddy. He gets really happy and excited, really mad and cranky and really sad. He is on the move all the time. He does everything with all that he has...he plays hard, sleeps hard and loves with all his might. 

I will forever be thankful for the gift God has given me in these two precious sons.

And then there's this wonderful, amazing man. He got up at 5am this morning to get me beautiful flowers and a precious card that brought tears to my eyes, before I even woke up. We talked about a family and children and dreamed about what our family would be before we were married. Because of him, I get to be a mom and I get to parent with an awesome daddy. I could never dream up someone that I would rather do life with. I love the adventures we have had and look forward to what God has in store. 

Today on Mother's Day, and every day, my heart is full.

Baby *Food* Making

As I laid in bed, I knew that it was long overdue and it was time to do it. I have an obligation and responsibility, and whether I'm in the mood or not, this is something that has to be taken care of now. If I don't, then I will have one really unhappy man in my life. Little man, that is. It's time to replenish my baby food store. :)

Luke is 9 1/2 months now, and he is eating anything and everything in sight. He eats his baby food, he eats our big people food, and he aggressively grabs my arm and pulls it to him if I have food in my hand or if I am not feeding him fast enough. This kid...he can eat. He is also a cool dude.

When Calvin was a baby, I was determined to make his food, even though the thought of it overwhelmed and frightened me. I had no idea what I was doing. I also had no idea how easy it would be! I've gotten even more creative and daring with Luke's menu and it has been a blast! I am definitely a follow-the-recipe kind of cook. I am still stuck in that mode when cooking for adults, but Luke is adventurous and easy to please, so he will like anything I make for him. Another reason to love babies. (He also thinks I have a beautiful singing voice...or at least it's entertaining because he laughs.)

My first step outside my comfort zone was a few days ago when I attempted chicken soup with rice. I was researching posts about how to get more calories and nutrients into baby and came across this comment: Have you tried making a chicken soup with rice and then blending it?? Delicious!! For my daughter, I put boneless chicken, carrots, spinach, broccoli, squash, spices, vegetable broth, lentils and basmati rice into a pot (you can pick and choose which of these you want to include and which you prefer not to include). Then I boil the whole thing until everything is cooked and soft. Then transfer it into my blender and make it soft like a thick pureed soup. The baby loves it!

I thought this sounded great. Except. There are no measurements, temperatures, times. Spices? Which spices? This is definitely like my worst nightmare kind of recipe. I tried it anyway. I got my pot and put one chicken breast, some spinach, carrots and broccoli, beef broth (it's what I had), and one cup of basmati rice. I added some water, too. Deciding on spices was the most challenging part. I got out all of the spices I had, eliminated the ones I thought would be too spicy or too strong. With the ones that were left, I opened them one by one and smelled them. As I sniffed, I separated them into categories of no and maybe. I ended up with cayenne pepper, paprika and chili powder. Just kidding! I think it was ground ginger, coriander and basil. I think. Then, I put the lid on and boiled it. I don't know how long it boiled, maybe an hour. I checked it and stirred it. When I was convinced it was soft enough to blend, both boys were napping and I had to wait. The story of my life. When I finally blended and put it in my handy dandy storage containers, I ended up with 19 servings of something that Luke devours in a heartbeat.

These are some of my storage containers. I have an embarrassing amount of the tall green ones that were given to us at Calvin's baby shower. They are multi-purpose and wonderful! Each compartment has a lid with a spout and can be used for purees, pre-measured formula, snacks...the list goes on and on. They say Packin' SMART, so I don't know if that is the brand or what. They came from a cute shop in my hometown, Gruver, Texas called Shear Style. The orange and green ones in the back are wonderful. They were a gift from a dear friend who got them at Williams Sonoma when she worked there. They are Beaba brand and made from silicone. They are bigger servings (which is great for our little piggy) and once frozen, you can simply push the serving you want out and viola! The other is basically an ice tray with a lid that they can call baby food storage and charge more. It is handy and is measured at an ounce, so you can get the number of cubes you need (in our case, it's at least 4 now). 

This morning I decided to attempt a mixed fruit dish that I haven't tried before. I started with 4 Bosc pears, which I think are so pretty, but I didn't take a picture before I cut them up. I have these awesome steamers for the microwave that I use with almost every puree. They came from Pampered Chef, and they are definitely a favorite of mine.

I cut the pears into chunks, added a little water and microwaved them for about 3 minutes since pears are already somewhat soft.

Next, I washed and cut up strawberries, rinsed blueberries and stirred them into the mix. Sometimes I use my food processor, but my magic bullet was clean so that is what I used. :) I spooned fruit into the bullet and blended.

If you are Type A at all...like I can be at times...then you will understand the next step. It didn't all fit in the bullet, because it makes SO much! So, once a batch was blended, I added it to a bowl rather than directly to the storage. Then, once it was all blended, I stirred it all together so the fruit could be evenly distributed.

Then, added some to containers for the refrigerator and some for the freezer. This made about 25 servings. Yay! Baby food stash is beginning to grow again. I will do a carrot and potato mash later today. And it wasn't all that bad after all. 

Here are some resources I have used along my journey to baby food making:

The Petit Appetite Cookbook: Easy, organic recipes to nurture your baby and toddler

My Pinterest pins for baby food recipes are here

Good old fashion, trial and error to see what works! I have price compared with buying already-made food, buying frozen veggies to steam and puree and buying fresh. It really depends on what you want, but I do a combination of all of these things. My big test is if I will try what I'm feeding my baby. If I won't eat it, I don't expect him to eat it either. Bon Appetit!

Why I Deleted My Facebook App

Lately, I have been bombarded with conviction about my technology addiction...more specifically, my iPhone addiction. This is not something I was looking to confront. The only thing I did to actively pursue any type of significant change when it comes to practicalities was to read 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess by Jen Hatmaker. Great book, but a little annoying in that it brings up some things I would venture to say that we have all struggled with at some point. Excess. Food, clothes, spending, media, possessions, waste, stress. These are the things she addresses...really makes you want to read it, doesn't it? Don't unless you are ready to be challenged.

As I read about fasting from media, I thought Yes, that's a great idea. One day a week I will fast from Facebook, Pinterest, games on my phone, TV, etc. To be honest, it was something I had wanted to do for a while anyway. The problem was found in the "why". Why did I feel the need to have a media break? My 'why' was not strong enough to cause me to actually do it, so I hadn't. The reason I thought it was a good idea was because I had noticed for a while how often people around me were looking down at their phones rather than engaging the people around them. My family is among the most frequent of perpetrators when it comes to this. Answering calls during dinner, having to repeat ourselves because we are more engaged in this make believe world online than in each other, glued to a television show that is more interesting than what is going on in the lives of those we love. We had lost touch, and I was tired of it. I still didn't do anything about it until it got more personal.

I watched one of the videos going viral on Facebook, Look Up, that depicted what our world and relationships have become because we are not living life the real way. Immediately after watching it and sharing it, I turned off my phone for the rest of the night. The next day, Sunday, I took a journal to church to actually write my notes in rather than using my bible app and Evernote on my phone, which can be very distracting, with my Facebook app right there. It was nice (except when I looked up to see one of the youth kids, sitting on the front row, playing a game on his phone during the sermon, without trying to be the least bit discreet about it).

None of this was really hitting home with me...until I was nursing my baby that night. Last week, Luke had his 9 month appointment, and his pediatrician told me that he needs more calories and to be sure I am feeding him in a dark, quiet room without distractions. Of course I can do that! That doesn't mean I can't have my phone, right? Could it really be necessary to sit in a dark room and feed him without any form of entertainment? I tried to sneak in some Facebook time or a quick game while he ate. He was not having it. I turned it off and he ate like a champ. So, what do I do while I sit here? I began to pray over Luke and then for Calvin and Brandon. What a precious time. And for nine months, I had been missing out on what could have been such a blessing. No more. I'll admit, I am still tempted to pick up my phone...out of boredom, habit or whatever. Then I remember that feeling that I am wasting a sweet opportunity. He will never be this little again. I will seldom get to hold him for these long periods of time throughout the day. I'm already seeing that with his older brother. It's just not worth it to voluntarily give up something so sacred. Needless to say, I do not look at my phone when I am feeding Luke anymore.

I had another defining moment shortly after with my other son, Calvin. My husband, the morning person, usually gets up with the boys and lets me 'sleep in' until 8:00. Our little 3-year-old apple that didn't fall from the tree likes to wake up around 6:30. Brandon has his time for bible study, coffee and easing into his day at that time. Calvin would have to stay in bed until 7:00 and look at books. Then, he could have his iPad until mommy woke up. One morning, a few days ago, he walked out of his room with his iPad. He was still on it, walking, not looking up. Something happened inside of me, and I just decided that we were done with the iPad in the morning. Instead, he stays in his room until 7:00. Then, he comes to get into bed with me, brings his book of Bible stories and we read a story and pray together about our day. This is now how we begin our day, not with an iPad. It is better beyond words I can even express to you.

The next step was to delete my Facebook app on my phone. I thought about trying to count how many times I turned on my phone and looked at it throughout the course of a day. Then, out of fear that it would be an embarrassing number...or the ultimate embarrassment-I wouldn't be able to count, I just decided to take the plunge and get rid of it. I thought it would be hard, but it has been completely freeing. I have looked at Facebook three times in two days, and I do not miss it. I still look at my phone and start to go to the app, but in time that habit will die and I will be grateful. 

I took Calvin on a date the other night, and I was not taking pictures and posting cute statuses about it...I was having a conversation and dinner with him, without my phone. Yesterday I took Luke to the park and we sat on a blanket and played and read books and laughed and had snacks. I didn't post pictures to Facebook about it, because I was reveling in the beauty of the moment and just taking it in the best I could. It was priceless. (I may have taken a picture and later texted it to Nonny and Brandon, but he just looked so darn cute!) 

The night I deleted the app, I even contemplated posting a status about it: This is my last status update from my phone...at least for a while. Don't judge. This was a big moment for me. My commitment was also waning, because I didn't know (and still don't) how long I would actually go without the app. Then I realized that no one else really needed to know. So, I silently did it and life went on, for everyone.

It's been two days and I'm already more engaged with my kids, my family and my life. I'm working on a much bigger project when it comes to 'unplugging' from our devices so we can enhance relationships, experiences and our lives. This was just so fresh on my mind and heart that I had to write it down and share it today.

*As a disclaimer, let me add that I am not saying it's bad to post pictures and Facebook statuses...I will still continue to do so. I just personally needed more balance in my own interactions and activity, so it doesn't get in the way of just being in the moment and making the people around me feel like they are truly enough and our lives are enough without letting the world know what we are doing every moment that we are doing it. If you have this balance figured out, please feel free to share with me how you do it!! :)