What I'm Learning From My Kids

This week is screen-free week, and my bright, 5-year-old rule-follower (like his mommy) has not let us forget it at home. I'm thankful his teacher and school are encouraging the students to participate, but I have to admit that I wasn't instantly thrilled at the idea. Having a newborn, emotional 2-year-old and exploring-the-limits 5-year-old has resulted in some satisfying-my-sanity 'yes, you can watch a show' moments fairly often lately. This post seems like a repeat for me that takes place annually when I am convicted about how much time I am spending on my phone, watching TV, letting my children play on the iPad, etc. The last time I wrote a post similar to this was when I was living Colorado, nursing Luke and spending every second of nursing on Facebook on my phone. I realized that I was wasting precious bonding time with my baby that I would not be able to get back. So, I (gasp) took the Facebook app off my phone. Of course, after a while, the world of technology, be it Facebook, Netflix, Words with Friends...eventually pulls me back in and once again, I am spending more time than I want to with my eyes glued to a screen.

Monday afternoon, when the boys got home from school, Luke (2) asked (as he does almost every afternoon) "Can I watch a show?" Before I could respond, Calvin (5) came running into the living room, puts his hands up and says "Wait! We Can't! It's screen-free week!" His clever brother replies "You can't, but I can." Calvin informed us that it actually includes little brothers and sisters, as well as mommies and daddies. So far, we have done pretty well this week finding other ways to spend our time. We've played more games, read more books and spent more time outside. One time in the car, while running errands, we accidentally forgot and turned on the DVD player for a couple of minutes before I remembered. I said something, causing Calvin to cover his eyes and then quickly turn off the movie.

As Brandon and I discussed it on Monday night, I told him how important it was to Calvin that we try to stick to screen-free week. We decided that when the boys aren't here or after they're in bed, we won't force ourselves to strictly adhere to the guidelines of screen-free week. However, during the day, I have really limited my TV-watching time (proving easier now that I've finished Gilmore Girls!). I've noticed an ability to connect with Mollie more and find a rhythm with her that is not as often interrupted by the distractions of the TV screen or my phone screen. Tuesday night, after the boys were in bed, we could have turned on the television, but we didn't, and it was really nice and peaceful to just sit in the quiet and be. If our 5-year-old has the discipline to say no to screen time, then surely, so can we...and we are reaping the benefits of moderation.

One thing, among many, I'm learning from my beautifully frustrating 2-year-old is about security. His love language is the same as mine: quality time. Unfortunately, with a new baby in the house, our one-on-one time has been limited. He senses this, and even though he doesn't understand it, it's just hard. He LOVES his baby sister. Tonight at church, he introduced himself to a complete stranger who asked his name as "big brudder". He holds no visible resentment toward his sister, although he did tell me this afternoon that he did NOT want her to eat! I'm fairly certain he holds it more against me than her.

What it's teaching me is that it's ok to want to feel secure in the love of those with whom we do life. It's ok to feel insecure and seek comfort from those who care for us. It's most important to find our true identity and security in Christ. For me, it's painstakingly evident when I'm not doing that. For Luke, he doesn't completely know how to do that consistently, but it's something I want to intentionally teach him. He understands and perceives way more than I realize sometimes.

Finally, what I'm learning from my youngest, 7-week-old, only daughter. There are so many things, too many to write about here. The one thing that stands out and is accurately represented by this picture is that sometimes we need to cry, we need to take a moment and be emotional and we need to be comforted without feeling like we have to have it all together, be strong or pretend we're ok, when we're not.

She has to be held, like all the time. It's exhausting and frustrating and just plain annoying. I'm not worried that she will be spoiled...she's a baby, not a manipulator. I want to feel like, in a tangible way, that I have accomplished something each day. Sometimes it's difficult to feel that way when I have held her and fed her and changed her (and sometimes managed to feed myself and get dressed), and that is all I've done all day. I understand that this is my main job right now, that I shouldn't feel guilty about getting nothing else done, blah blah blah. It's just increasingly hard to sit and look at a house that needs to be picked up and cleaned and organized and literally just look at it while I sit. all. day. long.

So, while I'm sure Mollie had every right to cry about being stripped down naked, put in a basket, with a bow bigger than her head, I think it reminds me that it's ok to be frustrated with circumstances I can't control. It's important to remember that it's temporary. It's pertinent to treasure the moments that are already passing by much too quickly. Rarely, if ever, will I have the opportunity again to sit and hold my babies, just because they need me. 

I am so thankful for my children and all that the Lord is teaching me, through them, each and every day.

*These pictures were taken by the talented Stacie Stine, whose style I love, as it captures the every day, natural rhythms of life.

The Incline of Life

One Step at a Time

As we began to ascend the Manitou Springs Incline this morning (one mile straight up the mountain, basically), I slightly dreaded what was ahead. This was a repeat for me, so I knew it wasn't going to be easy. I also knew I was capable of getting to the top. The only difference between this time and the first was my perspective. From the beginning of today's climb, I chose to focus, not on the vertical path stretching above me, but on each individual step in front of me. One at a time. When we will ourselves to simply focus on what's right in front of us, instead of becoming overwhelmed with what is beyond, we do ourselves a service. This renewed vision promptly moves the desired outcome within reach and takes us one step closer to the goal.

"The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way." Psalm 37:23

The Importance of Goal-Setting

Once we were well past the bail-out point on the trail and slowly trekking to the false summit (one of my least favorite phrases), I was struggling with soreness, fatigue and shortness of breath. When I focused on the struggle, it tempted me to want to stop, sit down and rest. So, I started to set goals for myself and zeroed in on those. I would choose a point, a landmark, and not allow myself to stop and rest until I reached it. The goal was always far enough to be a challenge, but close enough to be obtainable. Other times I counted steps, sometimes 10 at a time, sometimes 50 or 100. In any case, whatever the next short-term goal, it achieved progress and got me closer to the top.

"Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised." Hebrews 10:35-36

Clear Vision

I would go back and forth between putting on and taking off my sunglasses. It's just a completely different clarity, depending on the conditions. If the sun is bright and in my eyes, I need the protection of dark lenses to enable me to clearly see and have sure footing. In the same way, there are conditions in our lives that detract from true focus and accurate direction. They threaten to blind and distract us, and we need protection, by means of guarding our eyes and keeping them on the path in front of us, so we are able to finish the task at hand.

However, there were times when it was actually easier to see without sunglasses. When the sky became cloudy, they made it too dark. As I looked down at where I was stepping, I could be seeing part of the path through the lenses and part of it under them, and it fractured my perspective making it more difficult to stay balanced and not fall. We have been entrusted with various gifts and tools to use, but it is greatly important that we know when and how to use them.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2

Steady or Speedy

There is a time and a need for both slow and steady, as well as making bigger, quicker leaps. There are situations that call for patience and others that require action. Personally, I'm much more apt to act than wait. When it comes to physical endurance, I rely much more often on bursts of energy with rest in between rather than a constant pace. There are uses for interval training that prepares us, so when the circumstances that ask us to respond with action arise, we are ready. I think, though, that more often we are petitioned to keep going at a rate that is moving but at the same time waiting and not knowing exactly where we are headed. Patience produces more insight over time. It creates wisdom and understanding that is deep below the surface of what a reaction can suffice. I'm a bigger fan of the intervals because they are easier in the moment. In the long run, I desperately desire to acquire what the steadfast momentum yields. 

"Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in all the earth!" Psalm 46:10

Arrival

The feeling of arriving at a goal is almost indescribable. When you have the ability to look back and see how far you've come, there is a gratitude beyond comparison. The realization of a task completed immediately obliterates, even if it's short-lived, the pain and struggles that it took to get there. All at once, it's suddenly worth it and we'd do it all over again. This is why it is essential that we cling to moments of victory; they will likely be what we hold onto and are energized by when we are standing on the edge of defeat.

"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own." Philippians 3:12

When Life Gets Messy

As I stood at the sink tonight giving my precious baby boy a bath, I was getting water all over everything, including my shirt. The same shirt that I went hiking in earlier with my family, which got soaked in rain and sweat, as I carried Luke in a backpack carrier. The same shirt I wore as I cooked breakfast (wait, no, I was still in my pj's). The same shirt I wore as I went about my whole day playing, feeding and caring for my family. Now, we were nearing evening and yet more messes continued to be created. Immediately after sighing, a big smile spread across my face and I stopped thinking about the mess and focused on the precious, beautiful miracle in front of me as he splashed, smiled, laughed and talked to me. What a joy! Without being messy, what fun do we have? What do we learn? What do we do? We miss out...on living, on creating and on getting messy!

A couple of nights ago, Brandon was gone, and the boys and I made brownies. I was holding Luke in one arm, attempting to keep him from grabbing everything within reach. Calvin wanted to do it all, and just couldn't wait to crack the eggs. One cracked in his hands and he held it to his chest trying to keep it from going everywhere (which actually just made it worse). I couldn't help from just laughing out loud. We didn't even stop to clean it up. We just took off his shirt and kept going! Once the brownies were in the oven and the baby was in bed, my shirtless little boy sat at the table eating brownie batter from the bowl and my heart overflowed with joy. What sweet moments I would have missed if I had reacted in anger, frustration or stress over a small thing like an egg cracked and spilled on the floor! It's definitely not just about me. My children are watching how I will respond to situations and they take their cues from us. I want to teach them that it's ok to get messy and it's ok to mess up. It's inevitable. The importance lies in what we do with it and what we allow God to do in us through the mess.

I read an excerpt today from Good Morning Girls's Whitney. I'm not doing the current bible study, but I've done many of them and if you have never checked them out, I strongly encourage you to do it: Click here or find them on Facebook. AH-MA-ZING! Anyway, this is from today's blog post:

"I've learned over the years that all-together people don't exist. And I've also learned that even if they did, I don't want to be one of them. In my weakness, I've seen more of Christ, and He is more beautiful than before. I've watched Him weave this grace-laced story--messy and twisted underneath--into a magnificent, intentional and clearer presentation for the world to see more of Jesus in me. I've learned that the world doesn't need one more fake all-together Jesus-follower. The world just needs Jesus." ~Whitney

I like order and organization. I don't mind cleaning, but I don't love a huge mess that I know I will have to clean up later (especially if I just cleaned that space). But when I read these beautiful, simple words that Whitney penned, full of truth and grace, how can I not want to be a mess that Christ can transform into something exquisite?

So, whether it's an accident when my 3-year-old spills his entire plate of food in his lap and all over the floor because he's learning independence (and I'm learning patience). Or, it's messy finances where God is truly teaching us to trust His provision and rely on His faithfulness. If it's a fight with a loved one and harsh words are spoken, God can teach us to forgive by borrowing from His abundance of grace and mercy. There is always a lesson, if we just pay attention.

In the tapestry of our lives, it's always messy underneath, and the sooner we realize that it's ok and accept it, the more quickly our vision and perspective will adjust to see the magnificent treasure that Christ is weaving our lives into on the other side. And when you're in what seem to be the messiest parts of life, hold onto hope, because when God is finished with it, that will be one of the most amazing masterpieces of all.

Collecting Moments: A Tribute to Dad

The best gift my dad ever gave me was teaching me that people and experiences matter more than stuff. I've never heard him actually say this, but he has always modeled it by the way he lives his life and leads our family. The absolute best memories I have of growing up are road trips. We had so much fun bonding as a family. Some of the most memorable conversations I have ever had with dad were in the middle of the night while we were on the road, trying to stay awake and solve all the world's problems. He did such an amazing job creating opportunities for us to experience nature in the mountains, learn about culture and history (as he incessantly shared knowledge about everything we drove by and each historical marker we passed), and most importantly helping us understand that life is not made full by what you have but because of who you have. Because of this most important lesson, today I know where to place value and can easily let things go that don't really matter in the long run. My greatest hope is that I can teach my children how to adopt the same perspective.

Money was always something there seemed to be enough of when I was growing up. Of course, how much do children really understand about those things? Today in the car Calvin asked us why he couldn't ride all of the rides at the carnival we went to see (we quickly opted to walk to a nearby playground that was FREE). We told him that rides cost money and sometimes we have to make choices about what to spend our money on. He replied by telling us to just go get some money. When I asked him where I could go get money, he told me it was at the house in my purse. (What a wonderful surprise!) In a way, I was thankful today that we couldn't just spend frivolously on whatever we wanted. It was such a teachable moment for our almost 4-year-old to see us exercise self-control and responsible decisions about finances. Although he doesn't fully grasp it now, my prayer is that it will plant a seed, take root and eventually grow into full knowledge that contentment, satisfaction and abundant life will never be found in what we can buy. In fact, I believe these things can be found in any situation, and the more difficult the journey to seek it out, the more character will be built in the process. I love that my dad worked hard and faithfully to provide for our family. He could have done something to make a lot of money, but because of his strong character and obedience to the Lord's calling on his life, he chose instead to build a career on something that mattered, something that changed lives. I don't know how many students went through dad's classrooms and how many of those were significantly influenced. I do know there are many lives that have been impacted by him, and I know that I'm one of them. He has been my teacher, my coach, my encourager, my comfort, my protector. I have counseled too many women to not realize that it's rare to have a father who so deeply desires to imitate the kind of love our Heavenly Father has for us. My dad is not perfect, but he is the perfect dad for me. I could not be more proud and humbled at the same time to be his little girl.

The Desert in the Colorado Rockies

Photo Credit: Wellington Street Pentecostal Church

Deserts and mountains are different climates and different land formations. They really don't have much of anything in common. One is rocky, sometimes green with lots of trees, wildlife and water runoff from the glorious snow on the peaks. It has temperatures ranging from well below freezing (and apparently blizzards in May) to really warm. The other is sand. Lots and lots of sand. Hot and dry with extremely limited vegetation and life, because life of all kinds usually requires water to be healthy and sustained. So how could a desert be found 'in' the mountains? When the desert is figurative, referring to a season of life and the mountains are literal. 

Photo Credit: Outward Bound

A Recap

My husband, Brandon, was a lead pastor in Lubbock, Texas. That's what he was doing when we met, dated, got engaged and married. That's what he kept doing up until November 2013. In January, we knew God was beginning to move our hearts and beginning to prepare us to leave Lubbock. We began to pray for direction, guidance and courage to be obedient. Long story short, we prepared to put our house on the market, and it sold for cash before it was officially listed. It was decided for us, by this, that we would be moving sooner than we planned. Due to the lack of job offers flooding in, we went to a safe haven where there was an opportunity. An opportunity to rest, pray and wait for God to show us what was next. My gracious brother and sister-in-law invited us to come to Colorado Springs and live with them as long as we needed. They have a full basement, complete with a kitchen, bathroom, bedroom and living area. They offered it to us, and we gratefully accepted and have been living here since the week of Thanksgiving. To share with you the lessons we have learned from this experience of living in the basement with our family of four and most of our stuff in storage will take a whole separate blog and maybe even a book. I'm contemplating writing it someday: Lessons from the Basement or The Family Under the Stairs. Haha. Who knows?

An Update
I say all of that to tell you this: We have been in a desert season in Colorado for almost 6 months now.  That statement has such a negative connotation, but it isn't meant to elicit pity or sorrow. While we have been surrounded by the beauty of this place, we have definitely experienced just as many, if not more, figurative mountaintops as valleys.

It has been a desert season because there hasn't been clarity, direction or certainty about anything. There hasn't been career opportunities or affirmation in a job search. Many times there hasn't been confidence in our decision to come here. There has been doubt and instability. There have been challenges with our two young children...normal challenges...that seem insurmountable some days. There has been A LOT of togetherness for our family. We are together, for the most part, all day every day. This could be listed under both the mountaintop and valley, the fresh springs of life and the desert. It just depends not the day...or the hour.

On the other hand, there has been endless provision for opportunity. It hasn't been where we have looked all the time. While we were focused on opportunities for jobs, God has been preparing us for what He has for us next. While we were focused on giving stability to our family (and let's face it, our consciences), God has been providing an opportunity for us to truly build an unshakable foundation of faith, trust and courage...not just within our marriage, not just within our family of four, not even just within the seven of us who live under the same roof, but with the extended family with whom our relationships have been enriched by this move. With our friends, old and new, who we miss and by whom we have been incredibly blessed to get to know.

My husband has referred to this time as a 'forced sabbatical' that neither of us really wanted or asked for but that God knew we needed. He still knows more than we do about what's next and the ways He needs to shape us and prepare us for what is in store. All I know is that if it takes this long to get us ready, it's going to be good.

We have taken up running, which has been awesome! (Refer to previous Running Chronicles blog posts for that journey.) We are still running, for those of you who are wondering. We read more, write more, communicate better. We have been given the amazing gift of time to be together, grow together and simply focus on diving into our passions, God's Word, our relationships with Him and with each other. Rarely does anyone get this chance. So, while there are days that I just want to be done with this season, with the basement and with growth that is painful and requires patience I don't believe I have, I have an even bigger potential dilemma. A dilemma that not only keeps me going, but it causes me to dig in and strive to push myself to really make the most of this time, even on the tough days. It's the looming possibility that I will look back at this time and have regret. I don't want to look back and see missed opportunities because of my impatience to move on to the next thing. I never want to get where we are headed and reflect only to see that I wasted any part of this time...or even question if I might have spent it better.

So, six months later, we are still praying and seeking God to show us what's next. The only thing that has changed is our perspective. God has transformed our thinking about the whole situation, about our lives, into something that truly enables us to see the bigger picture. There are some promising opportunities now, and we still don't know where they will lead. We can wake up to each new day, though, with confidence that wherever we go, God is with us and His purpose is ultimate. It is for our good and His glory. That's all we need to know.

Photo Credit: Eric Valentine's Praise Photography Blog

The above lyrics are from a great hymn from John Newton that I recently discovered. Click here to see the rest of the lyrics.


Brandon is leaving Friday to go to New Day Orphanage in Zambia with a group from Fellowship Church Lubbock. Please pray for them. The boys and I will spend that time in Texas with family.