What I'm Learning From My Kids

This week is screen-free week, and my bright, 5-year-old rule-follower (like his mommy) has not let us forget it at home. I'm thankful his teacher and school are encouraging the students to participate, but I have to admit that I wasn't instantly thrilled at the idea. Having a newborn, emotional 2-year-old and exploring-the-limits 5-year-old has resulted in some satisfying-my-sanity 'yes, you can watch a show' moments fairly often lately. This post seems like a repeat for me that takes place annually when I am convicted about how much time I am spending on my phone, watching TV, letting my children play on the iPad, etc. The last time I wrote a post similar to this was when I was living Colorado, nursing Luke and spending every second of nursing on Facebook on my phone. I realized that I was wasting precious bonding time with my baby that I would not be able to get back. So, I (gasp) took the Facebook app off my phone. Of course, after a while, the world of technology, be it Facebook, Netflix, Words with Friends...eventually pulls me back in and once again, I am spending more time than I want to with my eyes glued to a screen.

Monday afternoon, when the boys got home from school, Luke (2) asked (as he does almost every afternoon) "Can I watch a show?" Before I could respond, Calvin (5) came running into the living room, puts his hands up and says "Wait! We Can't! It's screen-free week!" His clever brother replies "You can't, but I can." Calvin informed us that it actually includes little brothers and sisters, as well as mommies and daddies. So far, we have done pretty well this week finding other ways to spend our time. We've played more games, read more books and spent more time outside. One time in the car, while running errands, we accidentally forgot and turned on the DVD player for a couple of minutes before I remembered. I said something, causing Calvin to cover his eyes and then quickly turn off the movie.

As Brandon and I discussed it on Monday night, I told him how important it was to Calvin that we try to stick to screen-free week. We decided that when the boys aren't here or after they're in bed, we won't force ourselves to strictly adhere to the guidelines of screen-free week. However, during the day, I have really limited my TV-watching time (proving easier now that I've finished Gilmore Girls!). I've noticed an ability to connect with Mollie more and find a rhythm with her that is not as often interrupted by the distractions of the TV screen or my phone screen. Tuesday night, after the boys were in bed, we could have turned on the television, but we didn't, and it was really nice and peaceful to just sit in the quiet and be. If our 5-year-old has the discipline to say no to screen time, then surely, so can we...and we are reaping the benefits of moderation.

One thing, among many, I'm learning from my beautifully frustrating 2-year-old is about security. His love language is the same as mine: quality time. Unfortunately, with a new baby in the house, our one-on-one time has been limited. He senses this, and even though he doesn't understand it, it's just hard. He LOVES his baby sister. Tonight at church, he introduced himself to a complete stranger who asked his name as "big brudder". He holds no visible resentment toward his sister, although he did tell me this afternoon that he did NOT want her to eat! I'm fairly certain he holds it more against me than her.

What it's teaching me is that it's ok to want to feel secure in the love of those with whom we do life. It's ok to feel insecure and seek comfort from those who care for us. It's most important to find our true identity and security in Christ. For me, it's painstakingly evident when I'm not doing that. For Luke, he doesn't completely know how to do that consistently, but it's something I want to intentionally teach him. He understands and perceives way more than I realize sometimes.

Finally, what I'm learning from my youngest, 7-week-old, only daughter. There are so many things, too many to write about here. The one thing that stands out and is accurately represented by this picture is that sometimes we need to cry, we need to take a moment and be emotional and we need to be comforted without feeling like we have to have it all together, be strong or pretend we're ok, when we're not.

She has to be held, like all the time. It's exhausting and frustrating and just plain annoying. I'm not worried that she will be spoiled...she's a baby, not a manipulator. I want to feel like, in a tangible way, that I have accomplished something each day. Sometimes it's difficult to feel that way when I have held her and fed her and changed her (and sometimes managed to feed myself and get dressed), and that is all I've done all day. I understand that this is my main job right now, that I shouldn't feel guilty about getting nothing else done, blah blah blah. It's just increasingly hard to sit and look at a house that needs to be picked up and cleaned and organized and literally just look at it while I sit. all. day. long.

So, while I'm sure Mollie had every right to cry about being stripped down naked, put in a basket, with a bow bigger than her head, I think it reminds me that it's ok to be frustrated with circumstances I can't control. It's important to remember that it's temporary. It's pertinent to treasure the moments that are already passing by much too quickly. Rarely, if ever, will I have the opportunity again to sit and hold my babies, just because they need me. 

I am so thankful for my children and all that the Lord is teaching me, through them, each and every day.

*These pictures were taken by the talented Stacie Stine, whose style I love, as it captures the every day, natural rhythms of life.

Navigating Motherhood & Other Insights

I'm definitely not claiming to be writing this post from an expert point of view. Let's define navigating in the sense of figuring it out as you go, making adjustments and learning from mistakes. Today has been beautifully difficult. My baby is one year old, and that is amazing and wonderful and hard to believe. God provided some really great insights and a deep sense of peace in the wee hours of the morning. Since we have been 'on vacation', and I use that phrase loosely (because all parents know that when you have your young children with you, well...you know), Luke has been waking up by 6am, which is at least an hour earlier than normal. So, every morning for 4 mornings now, in order to prevent disturbing everyone else in the house, we drive him around town for a while. The first two mornings Brandon and I went together, he went yesterday and let me sleep, and I went today and let him sleep. I mean, it is his birthday. So, Luke and I had a nice drive around the lake to see what we could see. What I saw was kind of incredible.

The first morning we went, we saw a doe and her twin fawns. It was so cool. They were across a pasture a little ways, but as we drove closer, the babies disappeared up into the woods and mama was cautiously on the lookout. Today, there was a deer and her very young baby on the road at the lake. As the vehicle approached, there was a moment of indecision and all at once, the adult went up into the trees and the fawn continued to bounce along down the road in front of me. They were separated. I was barely crawling along in the car, hoping to not startle the young one too much further away from the safety of mother's presence. It would stop and look back and then take off down the road again. I looked back to see the mother come down out of the trees to find her baby. She would slowly moved closer in the direction of the young one, but she wouldn't come around the vehicle, even though I was now at a dead stop. It went on like this for a few minutes. Then, finally, they made eye contact. The mother deer now went down the hill into the trees and a few seconds later, the fawn did the same. I was relieved and confident they were reunited shortly thereafter.

Spiritual Insights

1. As a mom, I immediately related to the situation from the obvious mother/child relationship perspective. Countless times I have worried about my kids, panicked about a perceived dangerous situation, been frustrated when they have not responded in a logical, obedient and common-sensical manner. If animals truly reasoned like humans, I believe I could've read mama deer's mind in those moments and said "I feel you, and I won't judge you if you need to discipline your child right now." Mothers are created with intuition and an innate need to protect our young. It isn't something that develops or is learned. It just happens. A baby is born and boom...so is a mama bear. Then, when that first 'incident' happens to set it off, watch out. The only spiritual insight I needed to extract from this perspective was to remind myself that God, my Father in Heaven is a protective parent who hates to see His child (me) hurt or put myself in harm's way. While He loves me unconditionally, He is also a perfect parent who exists above time and circumstances. He does not need to intervene for me in every instance, because He knows the outcome and He knows what I need. What I need is not intervention at every corner, but instead, it is the opportunity to develop wisdom, understanding and patience through my decisions, good and bad.
2. The second thing that occurred to me was a little disturbing and much more difficult to digest. Many times, let's be real, most times, I find myself as the vehicle, the obstacle in between the child and parent. When I envision God as the parent and I realistically consider the bond and relationship I so deeply desire to develop between my Savior and my precious children, I am forced to really examine my role. The things I say and do will effectually define my boys' opportunities to learn about God's character and His role in their lives, which is much more important than mine. When I worry about the little things for my kids (all the time), I am not providing any sense of peace for them. When I take on the burden of every detail of their futures, I am not exemplifying a trust in God to control the future (when only He can). When I lack patience and place unrealistic expectations on them, I am not teaching them about God's grace but indirectly instructing them in the ways of legalism. There is such a fine line, and behind each of these statements, a wealth of potential controversy and as many different opinions as people when it comes to parenting. What I know to be true in my heart is that it is important to seek balance in this area. It is a worthy cause to pursue an accurate understanding of my responsibility, and limits, as a parent, as well as trusting God, completely, with the things that are beyond my reach. I know one thing. I don't want to be an obstacle in my children's abilities to develop a deep and meaningful relationship and a correct understanding of their Savior. I want to be an example, an encourager and someone who constantly points them to Jesus and the cross in word and action.
3. My final insight, seemingly shallow, is actually profound when you're able to allow it to fully penetrate your being, which in my case, requires physical presence. (In other words, you kinda had to be there.) As I sat in my car and watched the wildlife, saw the mountains reflected in the lake and listened to my baby boy jibber-jabber from his carseat in the back, it hit me again, like it has so many times before. I am so small, and God is so big. He is a God of beauty and grace, justice and strength. He is an artist and He is full of love for His creation. I have this awesome opportunity to commune with God Almighty in intimate relationship, and I squander it more times than not. Every time I am here, surrounded by such exquisite grandeur, I am refreshed by the realization that this is what it means to worship. When something stirs within you and it can't be contained or contaminated, all you can do is sit back and know you are in the presence of the Almighty.