What I'm Learning From My Kids

This week is screen-free week, and my bright, 5-year-old rule-follower (like his mommy) has not let us forget it at home. I'm thankful his teacher and school are encouraging the students to participate, but I have to admit that I wasn't instantly thrilled at the idea. Having a newborn, emotional 2-year-old and exploring-the-limits 5-year-old has resulted in some satisfying-my-sanity 'yes, you can watch a show' moments fairly often lately. This post seems like a repeat for me that takes place annually when I am convicted about how much time I am spending on my phone, watching TV, letting my children play on the iPad, etc. The last time I wrote a post similar to this was when I was living Colorado, nursing Luke and spending every second of nursing on Facebook on my phone. I realized that I was wasting precious bonding time with my baby that I would not be able to get back. So, I (gasp) took the Facebook app off my phone. Of course, after a while, the world of technology, be it Facebook, Netflix, Words with Friends...eventually pulls me back in and once again, I am spending more time than I want to with my eyes glued to a screen.

Monday afternoon, when the boys got home from school, Luke (2) asked (as he does almost every afternoon) "Can I watch a show?" Before I could respond, Calvin (5) came running into the living room, puts his hands up and says "Wait! We Can't! It's screen-free week!" His clever brother replies "You can't, but I can." Calvin informed us that it actually includes little brothers and sisters, as well as mommies and daddies. So far, we have done pretty well this week finding other ways to spend our time. We've played more games, read more books and spent more time outside. One time in the car, while running errands, we accidentally forgot and turned on the DVD player for a couple of minutes before I remembered. I said something, causing Calvin to cover his eyes and then quickly turn off the movie.

As Brandon and I discussed it on Monday night, I told him how important it was to Calvin that we try to stick to screen-free week. We decided that when the boys aren't here or after they're in bed, we won't force ourselves to strictly adhere to the guidelines of screen-free week. However, during the day, I have really limited my TV-watching time (proving easier now that I've finished Gilmore Girls!). I've noticed an ability to connect with Mollie more and find a rhythm with her that is not as often interrupted by the distractions of the TV screen or my phone screen. Tuesday night, after the boys were in bed, we could have turned on the television, but we didn't, and it was really nice and peaceful to just sit in the quiet and be. If our 5-year-old has the discipline to say no to screen time, then surely, so can we...and we are reaping the benefits of moderation.

One thing, among many, I'm learning from my beautifully frustrating 2-year-old is about security. His love language is the same as mine: quality time. Unfortunately, with a new baby in the house, our one-on-one time has been limited. He senses this, and even though he doesn't understand it, it's just hard. He LOVES his baby sister. Tonight at church, he introduced himself to a complete stranger who asked his name as "big brudder". He holds no visible resentment toward his sister, although he did tell me this afternoon that he did NOT want her to eat! I'm fairly certain he holds it more against me than her.

What it's teaching me is that it's ok to want to feel secure in the love of those with whom we do life. It's ok to feel insecure and seek comfort from those who care for us. It's most important to find our true identity and security in Christ. For me, it's painstakingly evident when I'm not doing that. For Luke, he doesn't completely know how to do that consistently, but it's something I want to intentionally teach him. He understands and perceives way more than I realize sometimes.

Finally, what I'm learning from my youngest, 7-week-old, only daughter. There are so many things, too many to write about here. The one thing that stands out and is accurately represented by this picture is that sometimes we need to cry, we need to take a moment and be emotional and we need to be comforted without feeling like we have to have it all together, be strong or pretend we're ok, when we're not.

She has to be held, like all the time. It's exhausting and frustrating and just plain annoying. I'm not worried that she will be spoiled...she's a baby, not a manipulator. I want to feel like, in a tangible way, that I have accomplished something each day. Sometimes it's difficult to feel that way when I have held her and fed her and changed her (and sometimes managed to feed myself and get dressed), and that is all I've done all day. I understand that this is my main job right now, that I shouldn't feel guilty about getting nothing else done, blah blah blah. It's just increasingly hard to sit and look at a house that needs to be picked up and cleaned and organized and literally just look at it while I sit. all. day. long.

So, while I'm sure Mollie had every right to cry about being stripped down naked, put in a basket, with a bow bigger than her head, I think it reminds me that it's ok to be frustrated with circumstances I can't control. It's important to remember that it's temporary. It's pertinent to treasure the moments that are already passing by much too quickly. Rarely, if ever, will I have the opportunity again to sit and hold my babies, just because they need me. 

I am so thankful for my children and all that the Lord is teaching me, through them, each and every day.

*These pictures were taken by the talented Stacie Stine, whose style I love, as it captures the every day, natural rhythms of life.

A Word Picture: Six Years in Retrospect

Six years ago was my wedding day, and today I love my husband more than I ever dreamed possible. Looking back, I just thought I loved him a lot as we began our life together. Six years, two kids, two moves and many ups and downs later, I realize that I'm only beginning to know what being one with someone is all about.

One of the coolest thing that we have gotten to do together is premarital counseling for other young couples as they prepare for marriage. This has been so much fun for us, and although it does require some time and planning, especially with two young children, I am certain that it blesses and encourages us as much as it does them, if not more. I have done premarital counseling/education through workshops, small groups and couples for some time. Only in the past couple of years have we had the opportunity to do it together as a team. Each time it causes us to examine our own marriage and how we are doing in these areas. It helps us reflect on where we are and what we need to work on more. It encourages us to reminisce and share stories from our history, good and bad, so we can laugh and remember where we have been and how far we have come.

Today it is an honor to share the celebration of our wedding anniversary with a precious couple who has become so dear to us on their wedding day. Kent and Mandy have opened their lives and their relationship up to us from the beginning. They've sat on our couch and at our dining room table and we have laughed, cried and prayed together over the course of their dating relationship ups and downs, engagement and now, today they finally get to express their love for one another in front of family and friends, as they commit to one another and to God the beginning of this beautiful journey.

I am so thankful that we get to see a glimpse of the Father's love through the word picture of marriage. Weddings are fun, and being married is a blast. It's even better when we realize that marriage isn't really about us. Its foundational purpose is to show us and give us an example of the perfect love that Christ has for His people, the church. So, when we read scriptures like Ephesians 5:22-33, we think it's about marriage. Yes, it does offer insight and direction which would be wise to model our marriages after. However, the true and flawless example and purpose is always Christ. Ultimately, we can be filled with hope when we fail our spouses (and we will...again and again), because God's love never fails and always pursues, always perseveres.

I am so grateful today, and every day, for my husband who loves me well, protects and provides always, is an amazing daddy to two little boys whose hero he is and first and foremost loves Jesus and seeks to honor God in all he does. I cannot imagine a better way to celebrate our love and life together than to celebrate a new beginning with sweet friends and worship together, recognizing the most important love story of all.

When Life Gets Messy

As I stood at the sink tonight giving my precious baby boy a bath, I was getting water all over everything, including my shirt. The same shirt that I went hiking in earlier with my family, which got soaked in rain and sweat, as I carried Luke in a backpack carrier. The same shirt I wore as I cooked breakfast (wait, no, I was still in my pj's). The same shirt I wore as I went about my whole day playing, feeding and caring for my family. Now, we were nearing evening and yet more messes continued to be created. Immediately after sighing, a big smile spread across my face and I stopped thinking about the mess and focused on the precious, beautiful miracle in front of me as he splashed, smiled, laughed and talked to me. What a joy! Without being messy, what fun do we have? What do we learn? What do we do? We miss out...on living, on creating and on getting messy!

A couple of nights ago, Brandon was gone, and the boys and I made brownies. I was holding Luke in one arm, attempting to keep him from grabbing everything within reach. Calvin wanted to do it all, and just couldn't wait to crack the eggs. One cracked in his hands and he held it to his chest trying to keep it from going everywhere (which actually just made it worse). I couldn't help from just laughing out loud. We didn't even stop to clean it up. We just took off his shirt and kept going! Once the brownies were in the oven and the baby was in bed, my shirtless little boy sat at the table eating brownie batter from the bowl and my heart overflowed with joy. What sweet moments I would have missed if I had reacted in anger, frustration or stress over a small thing like an egg cracked and spilled on the floor! It's definitely not just about me. My children are watching how I will respond to situations and they take their cues from us. I want to teach them that it's ok to get messy and it's ok to mess up. It's inevitable. The importance lies in what we do with it and what we allow God to do in us through the mess.

I read an excerpt today from Good Morning Girls's Whitney. I'm not doing the current bible study, but I've done many of them and if you have never checked them out, I strongly encourage you to do it: Click here or find them on Facebook. AH-MA-ZING! Anyway, this is from today's blog post:

"I've learned over the years that all-together people don't exist. And I've also learned that even if they did, I don't want to be one of them. In my weakness, I've seen more of Christ, and He is more beautiful than before. I've watched Him weave this grace-laced story--messy and twisted underneath--into a magnificent, intentional and clearer presentation for the world to see more of Jesus in me. I've learned that the world doesn't need one more fake all-together Jesus-follower. The world just needs Jesus." ~Whitney

I like order and organization. I don't mind cleaning, but I don't love a huge mess that I know I will have to clean up later (especially if I just cleaned that space). But when I read these beautiful, simple words that Whitney penned, full of truth and grace, how can I not want to be a mess that Christ can transform into something exquisite?

So, whether it's an accident when my 3-year-old spills his entire plate of food in his lap and all over the floor because he's learning independence (and I'm learning patience). Or, it's messy finances where God is truly teaching us to trust His provision and rely on His faithfulness. If it's a fight with a loved one and harsh words are spoken, God can teach us to forgive by borrowing from His abundance of grace and mercy. There is always a lesson, if we just pay attention.

In the tapestry of our lives, it's always messy underneath, and the sooner we realize that it's ok and accept it, the more quickly our vision and perspective will adjust to see the magnificent treasure that Christ is weaving our lives into on the other side. And when you're in what seem to be the messiest parts of life, hold onto hope, because when God is finished with it, that will be one of the most amazing masterpieces of all.