The "P" Word

I am incredibly impatient. If you know me, and you're thinking "No, you're not", let me just set the record straight. I'm more impatient than most and better at hiding it than most. The majority of the time I feel the need to hide my impatience, because I know it's unreasonable. I know it doesn't help things move more quickly. Most of all, I'm embarrassed that I can be so impatient about such small matters.

With the title of this blog being therapy, let's talk acronyms. I believe that I have a unique combination of OCD and ADD, self-diagnosed of course. The version of OCD I experience requires me to be confident that I can finish something until completion before I am able to start it. If I don't think I'll be able to finish the task, I don't bother starting it. This doesn't work out well with having young children, just sayin'. The strain of ADD I think I have relates more to impatience with matters outside my control. If something is not getting done in the time frame (or the way) I think it needs to be done, then I lose interest and move on. I can share three words and tell you more about myself than you need to know: I'm a planner. When things don't go according to plan, *sigh*. When there's not a plan to begin with, well then nobody asked me to make one, because I would have.

Patience is a virtue, and it's one I believe is worthy of pursuit. God's Word itself tells us that it is a fruit of the Spirit. I know, from experience, that when I am intentional about chasing after patience, God honors that and provides it beyond what I could ever conjure up on my own. How is it that something like patience, which has this connotation of being slow, peaceful and easy, be so elusive? So difficult to attain? I suppose it takes time to acquire, which takes...you guessed it...patience.

My almost 4-year-old, when asked what it means to be patient, will obediently quote "Patience is waiting with a happy heart." I'm fairly certain he still doesn't grasp the meaning. But I'm 31 and don't always get it either.

Since this isn't a state of mind I'm frequently familiar with, there are some aspects of it that escape me. For one, I wonder if you can ever possibly get to a point where you will respond to a stressful situation with immediate, instinctive patience. Or, will there always be at least a split second temptation to react out of habit rather than thoughtfully respond? If there are situations that simply don't bother you as much, so you have a larger capacity of tolerance for it, does that count as patience? Since Love is patient, when I speak, act or even think out of a place of impatience toward those I love, am I being unloving? (Don't answer that.)

In Evan Almighty 'God' (Morgan Freeman) tells 'Joan Baxter' (Lauren Graham) "Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient?" Be careful what you pray for.