As I read about fasting from media, I thought Yes, that's a great idea. One day a week I will fast from Facebook, Pinterest, games on my phone, TV, etc. To be honest, it was something I had wanted to do for a while anyway. The problem was found in the "why". Why did I feel the need to have a media break? My 'why' was not strong enough to cause me to actually do it, so I hadn't. The reason I thought it was a good idea was because I had noticed for a while how often people around me were looking down at their phones rather than engaging the people around them. My family is among the most frequent of perpetrators when it comes to this. Answering calls during dinner, having to repeat ourselves because we are more engaged in this make believe world online than in each other, glued to a television show that is more interesting than what is going on in the lives of those we love. We had lost touch, and I was tired of it. I still didn't do anything about it until it got more personal.
I watched one of the videos going viral on Facebook, Look Up, that depicted what our world and relationships have become because we are not living life the real way. Immediately after watching it and sharing it, I turned off my phone for the rest of the night. The next day, Sunday, I took a journal to church to actually write my notes in rather than using my bible app and Evernote on my phone, which can be very distracting, with my Facebook app right there. It was nice (except when I looked up to see one of the youth kids, sitting on the front row, playing a game on his phone during the sermon, without trying to be the least bit discreet about it).
None of this was really hitting home with me...until I was nursing my baby that night. Last week, Luke had his 9 month appointment, and his pediatrician told me that he needs more calories and to be sure I am feeding him in a dark, quiet room without distractions. Of course I can do that! That doesn't mean I can't have my phone, right? Could it really be necessary to sit in a dark room and feed him without any form of entertainment? I tried to sneak in some Facebook time or a quick game while he ate. He was not having it. I turned it off and he ate like a champ. So, what do I do while I sit here? I began to pray over Luke and then for Calvin and Brandon. What a precious time. And for nine months, I had been missing out on what could have been such a blessing. No more. I'll admit, I am still tempted to pick up my phone...out of boredom, habit or whatever. Then I remember that feeling that I am wasting a sweet opportunity. He will never be this little again. I will seldom get to hold him for these long periods of time throughout the day. I'm already seeing that with his older brother. It's just not worth it to voluntarily give up something so sacred. Needless to say, I do not look at my phone when I am feeding Luke anymore.
I had another defining moment shortly after with my other son, Calvin. My husband, the morning person, usually gets up with the boys and lets me 'sleep in' until 8:00. Our little 3-year-old apple that didn't fall from the tree likes to wake up around 6:30. Brandon has his time for bible study, coffee and easing into his day at that time. Calvin would have to stay in bed until 7:00 and look at books. Then, he could have his iPad until mommy woke up. One morning, a few days ago, he walked out of his room with his iPad. He was still on it, walking, not looking up. Something happened inside of me, and I just decided that we were done with the iPad in the morning. Instead, he stays in his room until 7:00. Then, he comes to get into bed with me, brings his book of Bible stories and we read a story and pray together about our day. This is now how we begin our day, not with an iPad. It is better beyond words I can even express to you.
The next step was to delete my Facebook app on my phone. I thought about trying to count how many times I turned on my phone and looked at it throughout the course of a day. Then, out of fear that it would be an embarrassing number...or the ultimate embarrassment-I wouldn't be able to count, I just decided to take the plunge and get rid of it. I thought it would be hard, but it has been completely freeing. I have looked at Facebook three times in two days, and I do not miss it. I still look at my phone and start to go to the app, but in time that habit will die and I will be grateful.
I took Calvin on a date the other night, and I was not taking pictures and posting cute statuses about it...I was having a conversation and dinner with him, without my phone. Yesterday I took Luke to the park and we sat on a blanket and played and read books and laughed and had snacks. I didn't post pictures to Facebook about it, because I was reveling in the beauty of the moment and just taking it in the best I could. It was priceless. (I may have taken a picture and later texted it to Nonny and Brandon, but he just looked so darn cute!)
The night I deleted the app, I even contemplated posting a status about it: This is my last status update from my phone...at least for a while. Don't judge. This was a big moment for me. My commitment was also waning, because I didn't know (and still don't) how long I would actually go without the app. Then I realized that no one else really needed to know. So, I silently did it and life went on, for everyone.
It's been two days and I'm already more engaged with my kids, my family and my life. I'm working on a much bigger project when it comes to 'unplugging' from our devices so we can enhance relationships, experiences and our lives. This was just so fresh on my mind and heart that I had to write it down and share it today.
*As a disclaimer, let me add that I am not saying it's bad to post pictures and Facebook statuses...I will still continue to do so. I just personally needed more balance in my own interactions and activity, so it doesn't get in the way of just being in the moment and making the people around me feel like they are truly enough and our lives are enough without letting the world know what we are doing every moment that we are doing it. If you have this balance figured out, please feel free to share with me how you do it!! :)
No comments:
Post a Comment