the pre-schooler in all of us

I watch my 3-year-old son and my 4-year-old nephew interact with my 10-month-old. They are so loving toward him and in awe of him. They fight over giving him hugs and kisses and giving him toys and food and other things he doesn't always need. It's usually really sweet. Until he interferes with their plans or their stuff, as babies tend to do. Then, they are ready for him to go. "Will you pick him up and take him away?", they'll ask. He is no longer welcome in their play area. Often I will see the older boys sit in front of him with a toy and start playing with it, within his reach. The next second they are whining to me that Luke is trying to get their toy. It's so logical to me that the wisdom of that move was absent when you brought the toy and put it right in front of him and then expected him to not reach for it.

Sometimes I get frustrated and cannot understand how it's possible that they don't see the cause and effect relationships at play here. Then, I begin to see how we, as adults, do many of the same things. Let's take change, for example. I tend to welcome change, but only when it's on my terms. I love to move furniture around, try a new restaurant, travel and try new things. I don't even need a rigid, structured schedule all the time. However, if there is a plan in place and someone attempts to change that plan, especially at the last minute, I am not a happy camper. I like follow through, I want people to do their part and I want to stick to the plan. I, I, I sound like a pre-schooler, as if the world revolves around me.

We say this a lot at our house. There are times when I need to say it to myself.

Another instance is the temptations I allow into my life. Just like the boys want to be close to Luke and play next to him, they really don't want to share with him or let him get too close. I do it with food. I sit by the bag of chips long enough to finish them, knowing I don't want the consequences of that but I just get too close and sit with the temptation. I do it with exercise by sitting down and getting involved in a project, TV show or book instead of intentionally putting on my running shoes. I do it with my quiet time, by keeping my priorities in close proximity to me. My phone, computer or the remote is most likely within arm's reach. My bible, however, is usually on the shelf and not the first thing I reach for.

So, when I am tempted to become frustrated with my 3-year-old because he doesn't 'get it', I am reminded that there are times that I don't either. Or I choose to ignore it. I remember that I sometimes pout when things don't go my way. I can be selfish and particular about details that aren't really important. I even mindlessly put things in front of me that I know aren't good for me and will not yield the results I want. It helps me to remember that I, like Calvin, still have a lot to learn about life: letting things go, treating people as more important than plans and being kind and generous is always a good idea.

Noise, Travel & A Quick Movie Review

Let's face it, I could probably write a book on noise and another one on travel, but for now, I will keep this brief, as it all relates to a movie I watched tonight.

Noise

We went swimming today at an indoor pool with a wooden ceiling. There were lots of kids there (including mine) and it was loud with echoes of splashing and laughing. For a few minutes, I floated on my back and stared at the wooden ceiling. You know that sound, or lack of it, that you hear when you are underwater? You can hear sounds and even understand what people are saying if they're loud enough. But it's muffled and really easy to tune out. It's nice and peaceful. It's easy to hear yourself think without the distraction of noise. I love this and I need more of it in my life. The ability to block out noise. Like Kevin Costner 'clears the mechanism' in For Love of the Game. My husband coached a basketball player who had a cochlear implant. When he was shooting free throws and the crowd tried to distract him, he would just reach up and click turn them off. I want to mute the world and listen to what's in my soul more often.

Travel

It's just good for the soul. At least, it is good for mine. I love to travel and I'm so grateful that I've had the opportunity to travel to a lot of places in my life. Not as many as some, but more than a lot ever get to do. I love adventure and culture. I love trying new foods and seeing new places. Meeting new people is one of the best things, to me, about traveling. And honestly, the people you meet on a conservative budget are usually a lot more interesting.

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

Wow. I have wanted to see this movie for a while. Long enough that I was afraid I would be disappointed when I finally watched it. Knowing that Brandon would be on several long flights and this was one of the movies he would probably watch without me (because we hardly ever watch movies together) is what prompted me to watch it. So good.

I don't do the best movie reviews, because there are few movies that I watch and don't like. This one has some really great and inspiring quotes. It's simply creative, touching and the story is beautiful. There are multiple themes that can be extracted, based on the watcher's perspective. I think it's rare to find a movie that is so versatile. The music is also incredible.

My personal favorites: I connected to this film, because it's about Life which was a photojournalism magazine, and when I was younger I wanted to be a photojournalist. I still love taking photographs (which I hardly ever do anymore) and writing (which I'm finally doing more!) My favorite scene was when Walter was longboarding down a winding road in beautiful Iceland. It reminded me of living in Tongyeong, South Korea and going with friends to ride our motor scooters around the island. Exploring an exquisite foreign place, while connecting with the beauty of nature surrounding us and just taking it all in. It's been 8 years and I can still vividly remember the feeling.

To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. That is the purpose of life.

Beautiful things don't ask for attention. 

The "P" Word

I am incredibly impatient. If you know me, and you're thinking "No, you're not", let me just set the record straight. I'm more impatient than most and better at hiding it than most. The majority of the time I feel the need to hide my impatience, because I know it's unreasonable. I know it doesn't help things move more quickly. Most of all, I'm embarrassed that I can be so impatient about such small matters.

With the title of this blog being therapy, let's talk acronyms. I believe that I have a unique combination of OCD and ADD, self-diagnosed of course. The version of OCD I experience requires me to be confident that I can finish something until completion before I am able to start it. If I don't think I'll be able to finish the task, I don't bother starting it. This doesn't work out well with having young children, just sayin'. The strain of ADD I think I have relates more to impatience with matters outside my control. If something is not getting done in the time frame (or the way) I think it needs to be done, then I lose interest and move on. I can share three words and tell you more about myself than you need to know: I'm a planner. When things don't go according to plan, *sigh*. When there's not a plan to begin with, well then nobody asked me to make one, because I would have.

Patience is a virtue, and it's one I believe is worthy of pursuit. God's Word itself tells us that it is a fruit of the Spirit. I know, from experience, that when I am intentional about chasing after patience, God honors that and provides it beyond what I could ever conjure up on my own. How is it that something like patience, which has this connotation of being slow, peaceful and easy, be so elusive? So difficult to attain? I suppose it takes time to acquire, which takes...you guessed it...patience.

My almost 4-year-old, when asked what it means to be patient, will obediently quote "Patience is waiting with a happy heart." I'm fairly certain he still doesn't grasp the meaning. But I'm 31 and don't always get it either.

Since this isn't a state of mind I'm frequently familiar with, there are some aspects of it that escape me. For one, I wonder if you can ever possibly get to a point where you will respond to a stressful situation with immediate, instinctive patience. Or, will there always be at least a split second temptation to react out of habit rather than thoughtfully respond? If there are situations that simply don't bother you as much, so you have a larger capacity of tolerance for it, does that count as patience? Since Love is patient, when I speak, act or even think out of a place of impatience toward those I love, am I being unloving? (Don't answer that.)

In Evan Almighty 'God' (Morgan Freeman) tells 'Joan Baxter' (Lauren Graham) "Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient?" Be careful what you pray for.

The Dandelion Deception

Last week we were pulling dandelions from the back yard. And by 'we', I mean my husband, brother and sister-in-law were pulling dandelions while I was trying to keep my 9-month-old from eating dandelions, grass, bugs, etc. There were SO many. Shauna used a handy tool that digs into the ground around the weed and pulls it out, root and all. Josh and Brandon used screwdrivers to dig them out where the tool couldn't get to them. It seems like every time we look outside, especially with the recent rain, more dandelions. Apart from a cute gesture from a child bringing you a weed that looks like a flower, most of us just see them as annoying. However, if we look closely, maybe we can see some spiritual truths.

My beautiful, intelligent sister (in-law) called me today to share some insights she had while running this morning. Insights from dandelions. Hopefully, I can do her great thoughts and ideas justice.

Dandelions can be deceiving, especially to children or those who are not familiar with them. If the root is deep enough and the plant healthy, it will produce a yellow flower. Because these are abundant in many places, it's common for kids to pick them and present them to teachers, moms and friends with a proud smile. The cheery yellow color disguises it in their eyes as a pretty flower, rather than a persistent weed.

In the same way, sin can be deceiving, just as someone who is struggling with sin can disguise themselves as being fine. Sin can look good on the outside, even enticing and seem harmless. A person can hide certain types of sin, at least for a while, and pretend that everything is ok. Those who are mature in Christ and have a more objective perspective of the situation can see sin for what it is, no matter how it appears. That is why it is so important to have people in our lives who can help us see what we are missing. Otherwise, the roots will grow deep, remain healthy and spread to other areas, poisoning and eliminating the good.

Isn't it interesting that dandelions require the same care that other, more desirable plants need? Sunlight and water. So, if I want to water my yard, but there are dandelions that I don't want, there is only one way to accomplish it. I must remove the dandelions completely. It is the same with sin in our lives. If we are nurturing ourselves, along with the sin, then it will continue to grow. It is imperative that the sin, all the way to the root, is extinguished before we can effectively cultivate the other areas in which we desire growth and development.

Shallow & Deep Roots 

If a dandelion has shallow roots, it may not flower, thus making it harder to identify it for what it is. It is still a weed and still has the ability to spread and infiltrate places where it is unwanted. So, it is with sin. Small sin is still sin, and gone unchecked, it has the capacity to grow. Some might even say that shallow roots and small sin are even more dangerous in some ways, because they don't seem as threatening and are most likely ignored with justification or misidentification.

If a dandelion has deep roots, it can be difficult to extract. Deep roots tend to be thicker, stronger and wrapped around everything within reach. And the reach continually extends farther and farther. With 'big' sin, rebellion against God that consumes us, there is no misidentifying it. There is no excuse. It has become powerful, and in turn made us feel powerless over it. It has wrapped itself around our minds, our motives and our emotions. The deep roots of sin are manipulative and very unforgiving. Removing these types of roots is a process that takes time, persistence and usually a lot of pain. It is necessary that the sin be removed, however difficult, or the result will be the sin becoming ultimate and all other thoughts, words, actions and decisions will be made by it.

In order for us to prevent dandelions invading the green pastures of our hearts, there are some really simple steps we can take.

Awareness
We must be aware and constantly look for them, so they can be identified and removed quickly before the roots get too deep.

Accountability
We must ask those around us whom we trust to look for them, too, so they can help us see the ones that try to hide that we may miss. Then, they can provide accountability, so we don't get lazy about pulling weeds.

Application
Always, we must be in the Word and take time to bask in the presence of the Savior, our true source of life. Then, we will be able to see weeds for what they are and choose the flowers of true beauty instead.

Some Favorites

I'm so grateful, because as I write about some of my favorite things in life, I can also say that I've gotten to experience all of these today. So rare! Or maybe it's just rare that I acknowledge the everyday blessings. Anyway, here is my list of some favorites.

• Thunderstorms. Sound, sight, smell, life-giving moisture. Love.
• Seeing one of my children experience a victory over an obstacle or a milestone. Calvin has been terrified of swimming. He has flotation devices which make him perfectly safe, but he always hangs on to someone's neck for dear life and won't let go. Today, he just starts jumping off the step into the pool, going all the way under the water and loves it!
• I have to go back to the first one, because massive lightning just lit up the entire sky in front of me; the thunder was so loud that it shook the house. Incredible. (I also had to go check in my 3-year-old who I just put to bed to make sure he wasn't traumatized by the storm.)
• I also have to add to this list a slew of things I like to do during a thunderstorm: drink a hot beverage, get under a blanket, read a good book, write a blog, watch a basketball game on TV or a good movie with my sweetie, listen to the rain, play games with family, order pizza, take a bubble bath, stay inside (or on the porch) and NOT drive in the rain, ever. (I have a lot to do when there's a thunderstorm...too bad they don't occur more frequently.)
• Spend time with friends and family. Yes, my love language is quality time.
• Watching a sporting event when I can't decide who I want to win, because I love both teams so much. It's so much better than being indifferent because I don't like either team or watching a game I don't care about. I love the Spurs and always have, but now I am also a Kevin Durant fan. Who to cheer for?!
• Good food that reminds me of my childhood. My dinner consisted of chicken fried steak, macaroni and cheese and fried okra. Delish.
• Peace that surpasses understanding, logic and anything outside of direct provision from God.

Life is good.

Still Alice: A Book Review

Still Alice by Lisa Genova was on a list of books to read that I pinned on Pinterest. I finished reading it last night, and I was intrigued, inspired and enlightened as I walked through this story. The book's main character is 50-year-old Alice, who is diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's Disease. She is a distinguished tenure professor at Harvard, whose area of expertise is cognitive psychology and linguistics. This detail is fascinating to me, and has a definite effect on how the plot unfolds. Her husband and three grown children experience this journey with her. The story is filled with moments of every emotion across the spectrum, including intense anger, doubt and disbelief, humor and lightheartedness, sadness and loss, and great love.

One of my favorite things about the book is the perspective in which it's written. It allows the reader to get a glimpse into aspects of what life is like for those who develop Alzheimer's symptoms. It creates a deeper understanding of what it's like for family and caregivers, as well as victims of this atrocious disease, to go through these grief stages of acceptance, preparation and difficult decisions.

There are very unique relationships that are explored, which is always a huge draw for me to get involved in a story. The relationship between husband and wife and how they respond to this life-changing news. I went back and forth between hating and loving John, Alice's husband, as he did his best to process the diagnosis and responded with love and logic, alternately. The bond between mother and daughter and restoring a broken relationship before it's too late. It's definitely my favorite meta-narrative in the book...the story of Alice and Lydia, her youngest. The relationship among siblings who have love, respect and admiration for their mother and a newfound fear of losing her.

It's a beautiful story, and I highly recommend it to you. If you know someone who has or had Alzheimer's, it offers a sense of comfort to better comprehend what they go through. My sweet grandfather, Pa, had Alzheimer's and it helped me to remember him, not with the disease but with the integrity of who he was and all of the wonderful things he accomplished in his life. It's like soothing balm to my soul.

Another reason to read it is for the movie, which is set to be released sometime in 2015...you know, if you like to do the read the book, see the movie thing. I do like it a lot, just ask my husband. It also seems to be casted really well, in my humble opinion, after reading the book and meeting the characters.

My only warning to you is this. It's possible that, while you are reading this book, you may begin to feel at times like you are experiencing some of the symptoms of dementia. This especially applies to those who are really busy and spread thin, moms of young children, forgetful by nature or directionally challenged. I am all of these...so I really took notice of my 'dementia symptoms' while reading Alice's story. Maybe it's just me.

I hope you will read it. It's a quick read if you enjoy books. I would love to hear what you think if you've read it or if you decide to read it in the future.

“The mother in her believed that the love she had for her daughter was safe from the mayhem of her mind, because it lived in her heart.”  -Lisa Genova (author)

Don't growl in the house...

It's amazing...the things that you say, as a parent, that you never really imagined yourself saying. We are living with my brother, sister-in-law and 4-year-old nephew right now. Sometimes we will be having a conversation and just stop for a minute to think about what we're saying. It either sounds crazy or somehow doesn't make sense.

Here are some recent ones that come to mind:

"Why are you peeing on the floor right in front of the toilet?" (yeah, just happened tonight. and there's no stopping it once it starts.)
"Thank you so much for telling me you need to go poop in the potty during dinner!" (sincere.)
"Growling is for outside, not in the house." (cort and calvin make horribly loud and annoying growling noises, pretending to be who knows what animals, monsters, etc. it gets old fast.)

Then, there are the things you say that remind you of your own parent. *Gasp* Even though it's perfectly logical that we would use the same phrases that we heard growing up, we are somehow surprised and disgusted that we sound like our parents did.

I guarantee you, Joel and Jonathan, when you have children of your own (which better be in a million years), you will tell them to "make wise choices" and "live for the glory".

I tell Calvin "Don't be ugly". Even as I type it, I'm laughing, because he can't help how he looks. Of course, that phrase when I was a child was always in reference to having ugly behavior or an ugly attitude. That's not how it sounds, though. I probably say something to this effect to my 3-year-old every day.

When I lived in South Korea and taught, I got to teach with some awesome foreigners from all over the world. One day, we were in between classes and sitting at our desks (where the adorable Korean children constantly came to talk to us). One of the little girls was putting on quite a show. When she left, I looked at my co-worker, Ita, and said "She's such a ham!" Ita, who is from Ireland, gave me a funny look. Not too much time went by and I said to Ita, indicating another student "He's such a turkey!" This time, she said "Why do Americans refer to kids as odd animals or lunch meats?" Try explaining those expressions!

I think one of my favorite things about being a mom is watching the moms in my life with their grandchildren. I love listening to my mom sing songs to Calvin and Luke...some she sang to me when I was little and some she didn't. I love watching my mom-in-law play with my boys and joke around with them. I think it's beautiful, because it is relaxed and the agenda is fun, period. Our parents couldn't completely relax with us, because they had an important responsibility and a job to do, and thankfully, they took that seriously. Now they still want to point their grandchildren in the right direction, validate them and protect them, but they get to enjoy their time with them a bit more because the ultimate burden does not fall on their shoulders.

Nonny & Calvin were hunting sharks with balloons in their safari hats and nerd glasses. I hope I'm a fun grandma like Nonny someday.

I wonder if, as parents, we intentionally took time to really just have fun with our kids, what difference-if any-it would make? If I took time to pretend and make-believe more often, would it teach Calvin that it's ok to have a big imagination? If I took time to make a really big mess with them, and not only refrain from saying anything about it, but not even allow myself to think about how long it might take to clean it up, would it teach them that time together is more important than keeping things clean and orderly? If I more often made spontaneous plans to go do something fun and different, as a treat, without feeling the need to thoroughly plan and prepare for every activity, would it teach them to live for the moment and to delight in the unexpected? If I didn't put pressure on myself to make the best and correct decision every single time when it came to my kids, would I be a better parent, free from the chains of perfection? I probably would be more relaxed, more pleasant to be around and healthier overall. We can't let grandparents have all the fun, right?