Collecting Moments: A Tribute to Dad

The best gift my dad ever gave me was teaching me that people and experiences matter more than stuff. I've never heard him actually say this, but he has always modeled it by the way he lives his life and leads our family. The absolute best memories I have of growing up are road trips. We had so much fun bonding as a family. Some of the most memorable conversations I have ever had with dad were in the middle of the night while we were on the road, trying to stay awake and solve all the world's problems. He did such an amazing job creating opportunities for us to experience nature in the mountains, learn about culture and history (as he incessantly shared knowledge about everything we drove by and each historical marker we passed), and most importantly helping us understand that life is not made full by what you have but because of who you have. Because of this most important lesson, today I know where to place value and can easily let things go that don't really matter in the long run. My greatest hope is that I can teach my children how to adopt the same perspective.

Money was always something there seemed to be enough of when I was growing up. Of course, how much do children really understand about those things? Today in the car Calvin asked us why he couldn't ride all of the rides at the carnival we went to see (we quickly opted to walk to a nearby playground that was FREE). We told him that rides cost money and sometimes we have to make choices about what to spend our money on. He replied by telling us to just go get some money. When I asked him where I could go get money, he told me it was at the house in my purse. (What a wonderful surprise!) In a way, I was thankful today that we couldn't just spend frivolously on whatever we wanted. It was such a teachable moment for our almost 4-year-old to see us exercise self-control and responsible decisions about finances. Although he doesn't fully grasp it now, my prayer is that it will plant a seed, take root and eventually grow into full knowledge that contentment, satisfaction and abundant life will never be found in what we can buy. In fact, I believe these things can be found in any situation, and the more difficult the journey to seek it out, the more character will be built in the process. I love that my dad worked hard and faithfully to provide for our family. He could have done something to make a lot of money, but because of his strong character and obedience to the Lord's calling on his life, he chose instead to build a career on something that mattered, something that changed lives. I don't know how many students went through dad's classrooms and how many of those were significantly influenced. I do know there are many lives that have been impacted by him, and I know that I'm one of them. He has been my teacher, my coach, my encourager, my comfort, my protector. I have counseled too many women to not realize that it's rare to have a father who so deeply desires to imitate the kind of love our Heavenly Father has for us. My dad is not perfect, but he is the perfect dad for me. I could not be more proud and humbled at the same time to be his little girl.

Love Over Hate: One Year Anniversary

A mentor of mine found this idea very important. She made it a point in business to promote what we believed in, rather than putting down others. She taught her children to cheer for their team, rather than booing the opposing team. Positive encouragement over negative criticism. Love over hate.

A little while ago, a friend of mine posted a complaint about Facebook becoming a place where everyone is trying to sell something. I get it. I have a lot of Facebook friends who are in various direct sales companies, and there are a lot of posts and online parties that take up quite a bit of my news feed. I also get a lot of 'suggested posts' through Facebook ads. More than a year ago, I may have had the same frustration without stopping to think about the people behind those posts and what they are trying to accomplish.

One year ago, today, I decided to start my own business by partnering with the doctors who created Proactiv. I entered a market I knew nothing about, ready to promote products I knew very little about, but I had something more powerful on my side. Motivation born out of a need to be successful and bring in some additional income for my family. This reason that I became an independent consultant for a skin care line is why I don't get irritated when I see someone trying to sell something. I understand that maybe this is a mom who desires to stay home with her kids but needs the income of her full-time job that requires her to be away from them. I know the generosity of the top earner in my company who could choose to do whatever she wants with the large residual income she receives and what she and her husband choose to do is give back by supporting orphans in places like India. I seriously doubt that anyone sells any type of product because they enjoy promoting products, but there is so much more to it.

I love testimonials, and it inspires me to hear what Rodan + Fields products have done for our customers. Some have struggled with acne for years and have found confidence in clear healthy skin because of our Unblemish regimen. Others have struggled with sensitive, red skin that they have tried to cover with make up, and found relief with our Soothe products. Our most popular line is for aging skin, and the Redefine products we have are revolutionizing the anti-aging market. See, I didn't have to know anything about skin care products to promote them, because our doctors do. I can't even keep up with the awards our products and business model have received. I definitely can't count the unpaid media impressions R+F products get all the time, because everyone (including celebrities) LOVES what we have to offer.

Yesterday, I got to go to the river and watch my dad, husband and son fish together. I love being at the river and listening to the water, wildlife and nothing else. I just kept thinking about how life-giving a river is...for the fish, the animals that come for a drink. It's refreshing. It reminds me of what it's like to be a part of Rodan + Fields. My team and beyond are so encouraging and life-giving. There is endless support, sometimes from fellow consultants that I don't know personally or have even met. It is such an incredibly positive environment. Thankfully, even with the negative and complaining status updates that exist on Facebook, the leaders in our company do not allow negativity to be posted on our group pages. My nearest Level V leader even asks us to share prayer requests and offers to pray for us and with us for anything going on in our lives.

I think that I am most thankful for this opportunity because of all that I've learned in the past year from being a consultant. I've learned that it's ok to share something with someone and for them to not be equally excited or receptive to it. I've learned that stepping outside your comfort zone can be scary but also rewarding. I've learned that there can be multiple purposes for reaching out to old friends and new ones! Sometimes I have shared R+F with someone who wasn't interested in the business or the products but needed prayer for something. Other times I have reached out to people who wanted to try the products and needed someone to talk to about what was going on in their lives. Without Rodan + Fields, I probably never would have had a reason to randomly contact these people. I am so grateful for what God is accomplishing in and through me as I have grown my business and been blessed by it.

I promote Rodan + Fields because I love it. I love what it has done for my skin and that of my preferred customers. I love what the business has done for me, by way of personal growth. I love what the company stands for and the many people it helps in various ways. One year down and many more to go. I can't wait to see what the future holds. Changing Skin & Changing Lives

I have started a skin care tips blog that will have a variety of information on R+F products and business tips. I created it for my preferred customers, but I would love for you to follow it if you are interested in taking better care of your skin or want more information on starting your own R+F business. You can find the link here.

Satisfied: The Quest for Contentment

As I was cooking dinner tonight, I was thinking about how I wouldn't actually get to sit down and enjoy eating it. It's just a reality when you have little ones, and it's one that I've come to accept. I enjoy cooking for my family, even when I don't always get to partake in a fresh, hot meal with them. I don't usually mind washing dishes and cleaning up the kitchen. The satisfaction I get comes from doing something for the people I love and care for, meeting a need and giving them nourishment. If the only satisfaction I wanted came from eating the food I prepare, I would be very unhappy a lot of the time. (You'd be surprised at how many analogies I can relate back to food. :)

Moment of Truth

Brandon and I have had several conversations recently around the topic of contentment. We've challenged one another about being content in our circumstances and satisfied with what God has given us. Then, we have gone back and forth about whether that is actually what God asks of us. I am about to get real for a minute, so if you're uncomfortable with that...here's your warning. In one of these conversations, it's very possible that I was having some serious anger toward God. It's very possible that I said "If we have been faithful and obedient, why is God not moving? Why is He not doing anything for us?" As I type that tonight, I am ashamed that I had listened to lies to the point where I began to believe them and have those thoughts. Thankfully, I have a husband who could remind me that we don't remain faithful to God and obey Him because of what He gives us. We do it because we love Him. We love Him because He first loved us.

Christ Alone

As I was boiling pasta, stirring sauce and browning meat, it came to me. We don't have the wrong answer, but instead we are asking the wrong question. Before you can know your level of contentment or satisfaction, you have to identify the goal...What whets my appetite? What am I really seeking? If I am seeking a fleeting emotion of happiness, then it will be elusive and at best, come and go. If I desire the perfect job situation, home, church, marriage, family, (fill in the blank), then I will not accomplish it...or if I think I have, it will not last. However, if my goal and desire is Christ and I whole-heartedly seek satisfaction in Him, and Him alone, done. I will be satisfied. Immediately. It becomes about who I am in Him, not temporary circumstances or fleeting emotions. It's something so much bigger and so much deeper. If I can shift my focus to finding fulfillment in Jesus, then it takes care of everything else, because delighting in Christ is all-encompassing. As a by-product, I can be content in any circumstance...not because I'm always thrilled about it, but because in light of Him, nothing is too difficult. Nothing can steal my joy, rooted in a Savior who loves me, died for me and lives to lead me through this life.

Big Purpose, Bigger God

Satisfaction in life does not mean that I must find happiness in difficult valleys. It means that I must trust Him in the valleys AND on the mountaintops. It means that I must recognize that my life is about something bigger than me. When we get there and can begin to wrap our minds around the significance of that, it is life-changing and you can't go back. It challenges you to live like your life matters, not just for you but for others and for the Kingdom. It also relieves the pressure, because when it isn't all about you, it also isn't all up to you. Thank you Jesus!

I am so thankful today that my God is able to handle my misplaced anger toward Him and that He forgives me for it. I am grateful for revelation to understand (and continue understanding) the depth of His love for me. I am beyond moved to possess the knowledge and ability to be 100% content and satisfied in Christ, no matter what.

The Guilt Game

Guilt. We have all experienced it. Personally, I know guilt as a daughter, a sister, a friend, a teacher, a counselor, a wife and most likely any role I've ever played. The most guilt I've probably felt is as a mom. If you're a mom, you know what I'm talking about. If you have a mom, know that she has probably experienced guilt for not being able to be perfect for you and give you everything you could ever need, want and hope for. Yes, it's a guilt born out of love, which can make it tricky to pin down as bad. But trust me, there is no such thing as good guilt...no matter what the origin.

The Nature of Guilt

Feeling guilty does not produce anything, at least not anything worth having. It is an emotion that causes us to become stagnant. We wallow in it and somehow get stuck. If it is deep enough, it paralyzes us. When guilt does lead to action, and we do something or don't do something because of guilt, it will always end badly. It will end in resentment, regret or simple insufficiency. And when we use guilt to manipulate (we have all done it either purposely or passively), that is the worst.

Guilt Defined

The very definition of guilt exposes its attributes that prove it worthy of avoidance: a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined. Whether real of imagined. Seriously, I bet 90% of the guilt we feel is something we dream up about how we might have offended someone or could have possibly done something differently to produce a more favorable outcome. Is it just me? Am I the only one who does this?

A feeling...that calls for skepticism as well. We talk about the danger in making decision or speaking words that are based on emotion. So isn't it an oxymoron to justify feeling responsible? It just makes more sense to own it and be responsible, because either you are or you're not. If you are concerned that you said something hurtful, ask the person and make it right, rather than worrying and feeling guilty about it. If you worry that you aren't enough for the people in your life...your elderly parents you care for, your spouse, your kids, your friends...stop. Stop worrying and stop feeling guilty. You are enough, period. The very fact that you are concerned about it shows that you care, and trust me, what you do and who you are is enough.

Replacing Guilt With Something Better

Guilt does have a purpose, because it helps us know when we have messed up. And it is important to acknowledge and admit our mistakes. I just believe that guilt is a weapon of the enemy and the strategy is a powerful one. So, in place of it, I prefer to use the term conviction. Conviction is defined as a fixed or firm belief. Something that is fixed or firm does not change. It isn't fluid, as to fit the shape of a container or the details of a circumstance. A belief is substantial with a  firm foundation, rather than an emotion that cannot be trusted or dependable. Conviction is powerful, and it keeps us honest without weighing us down. It corrects us without condemning us. 

Enough

Sometimes I fall into such a habit of feeling guilty that I don't even realize I'm doing it. Then, something will happen to bring it to my attention (e.g. my mom will say "You're a good mom" and I just dissolve into tears). Suddenly, it hits me like a train: Apparently, I haven't felt like I was being a good mom lately. I might be the only one who has mommy guilt or wife guilt or Jesus-follower guilt. But I seriously doubt it. 

I hope this is an encouragement to those of you reading. I hope it is a reminder and the beginning of transformed thinking and feeling for all of us. I sincerely hope that whatever you are going through, wherever you are in life and relationships, and whatever blessings and hardships fill your days right now that, even in the moments you don't feel like it, you know and believe you are enough. More importantly, when we play the human card and inevitably display our imperfections, Jesus is enough.

the pre-schooler in all of us

I watch my 3-year-old son and my 4-year-old nephew interact with my 10-month-old. They are so loving toward him and in awe of him. They fight over giving him hugs and kisses and giving him toys and food and other things he doesn't always need. It's usually really sweet. Until he interferes with their plans or their stuff, as babies tend to do. Then, they are ready for him to go. "Will you pick him up and take him away?", they'll ask. He is no longer welcome in their play area. Often I will see the older boys sit in front of him with a toy and start playing with it, within his reach. The next second they are whining to me that Luke is trying to get their toy. It's so logical to me that the wisdom of that move was absent when you brought the toy and put it right in front of him and then expected him to not reach for it.

Sometimes I get frustrated and cannot understand how it's possible that they don't see the cause and effect relationships at play here. Then, I begin to see how we, as adults, do many of the same things. Let's take change, for example. I tend to welcome change, but only when it's on my terms. I love to move furniture around, try a new restaurant, travel and try new things. I don't even need a rigid, structured schedule all the time. However, if there is a plan in place and someone attempts to change that plan, especially at the last minute, I am not a happy camper. I like follow through, I want people to do their part and I want to stick to the plan. I, I, I sound like a pre-schooler, as if the world revolves around me.

We say this a lot at our house. There are times when I need to say it to myself.

Another instance is the temptations I allow into my life. Just like the boys want to be close to Luke and play next to him, they really don't want to share with him or let him get too close. I do it with food. I sit by the bag of chips long enough to finish them, knowing I don't want the consequences of that but I just get too close and sit with the temptation. I do it with exercise by sitting down and getting involved in a project, TV show or book instead of intentionally putting on my running shoes. I do it with my quiet time, by keeping my priorities in close proximity to me. My phone, computer or the remote is most likely within arm's reach. My bible, however, is usually on the shelf and not the first thing I reach for.

So, when I am tempted to become frustrated with my 3-year-old because he doesn't 'get it', I am reminded that there are times that I don't either. Or I choose to ignore it. I remember that I sometimes pout when things don't go my way. I can be selfish and particular about details that aren't really important. I even mindlessly put things in front of me that I know aren't good for me and will not yield the results I want. It helps me to remember that I, like Calvin, still have a lot to learn about life: letting things go, treating people as more important than plans and being kind and generous is always a good idea.

Noise, Travel & A Quick Movie Review

Let's face it, I could probably write a book on noise and another one on travel, but for now, I will keep this brief, as it all relates to a movie I watched tonight.

Noise

We went swimming today at an indoor pool with a wooden ceiling. There were lots of kids there (including mine) and it was loud with echoes of splashing and laughing. For a few minutes, I floated on my back and stared at the wooden ceiling. You know that sound, or lack of it, that you hear when you are underwater? You can hear sounds and even understand what people are saying if they're loud enough. But it's muffled and really easy to tune out. It's nice and peaceful. It's easy to hear yourself think without the distraction of noise. I love this and I need more of it in my life. The ability to block out noise. Like Kevin Costner 'clears the mechanism' in For Love of the Game. My husband coached a basketball player who had a cochlear implant. When he was shooting free throws and the crowd tried to distract him, he would just reach up and click turn them off. I want to mute the world and listen to what's in my soul more often.

Travel

It's just good for the soul. At least, it is good for mine. I love to travel and I'm so grateful that I've had the opportunity to travel to a lot of places in my life. Not as many as some, but more than a lot ever get to do. I love adventure and culture. I love trying new foods and seeing new places. Meeting new people is one of the best things, to me, about traveling. And honestly, the people you meet on a conservative budget are usually a lot more interesting.

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

Wow. I have wanted to see this movie for a while. Long enough that I was afraid I would be disappointed when I finally watched it. Knowing that Brandon would be on several long flights and this was one of the movies he would probably watch without me (because we hardly ever watch movies together) is what prompted me to watch it. So good.

I don't do the best movie reviews, because there are few movies that I watch and don't like. This one has some really great and inspiring quotes. It's simply creative, touching and the story is beautiful. There are multiple themes that can be extracted, based on the watcher's perspective. I think it's rare to find a movie that is so versatile. The music is also incredible.

My personal favorites: I connected to this film, because it's about Life which was a photojournalism magazine, and when I was younger I wanted to be a photojournalist. I still love taking photographs (which I hardly ever do anymore) and writing (which I'm finally doing more!) My favorite scene was when Walter was longboarding down a winding road in beautiful Iceland. It reminded me of living in Tongyeong, South Korea and going with friends to ride our motor scooters around the island. Exploring an exquisite foreign place, while connecting with the beauty of nature surrounding us and just taking it all in. It's been 8 years and I can still vividly remember the feeling.

To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. That is the purpose of life.

Beautiful things don't ask for attention. 

The "P" Word

I am incredibly impatient. If you know me, and you're thinking "No, you're not", let me just set the record straight. I'm more impatient than most and better at hiding it than most. The majority of the time I feel the need to hide my impatience, because I know it's unreasonable. I know it doesn't help things move more quickly. Most of all, I'm embarrassed that I can be so impatient about such small matters.

With the title of this blog being therapy, let's talk acronyms. I believe that I have a unique combination of OCD and ADD, self-diagnosed of course. The version of OCD I experience requires me to be confident that I can finish something until completion before I am able to start it. If I don't think I'll be able to finish the task, I don't bother starting it. This doesn't work out well with having young children, just sayin'. The strain of ADD I think I have relates more to impatience with matters outside my control. If something is not getting done in the time frame (or the way) I think it needs to be done, then I lose interest and move on. I can share three words and tell you more about myself than you need to know: I'm a planner. When things don't go according to plan, *sigh*. When there's not a plan to begin with, well then nobody asked me to make one, because I would have.

Patience is a virtue, and it's one I believe is worthy of pursuit. God's Word itself tells us that it is a fruit of the Spirit. I know, from experience, that when I am intentional about chasing after patience, God honors that and provides it beyond what I could ever conjure up on my own. How is it that something like patience, which has this connotation of being slow, peaceful and easy, be so elusive? So difficult to attain? I suppose it takes time to acquire, which takes...you guessed it...patience.

My almost 4-year-old, when asked what it means to be patient, will obediently quote "Patience is waiting with a happy heart." I'm fairly certain he still doesn't grasp the meaning. But I'm 31 and don't always get it either.

Since this isn't a state of mind I'm frequently familiar with, there are some aspects of it that escape me. For one, I wonder if you can ever possibly get to a point where you will respond to a stressful situation with immediate, instinctive patience. Or, will there always be at least a split second temptation to react out of habit rather than thoughtfully respond? If there are situations that simply don't bother you as much, so you have a larger capacity of tolerance for it, does that count as patience? Since Love is patient, when I speak, act or even think out of a place of impatience toward those I love, am I being unloving? (Don't answer that.)

In Evan Almighty 'God' (Morgan Freeman) tells 'Joan Baxter' (Lauren Graham) "Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient?" Be careful what you pray for.