Connection

This has been a theme for me lately…am I connecting with my husband, with my kids and especially with my Savior? Connection can be defined in different ways, but meaningful connection is evident. I had the coolest experience tonight, and I want to try to paint a picture, but the task is daunting and it will be difficult to do it justice.

I was ready to spend some time in the Word this evening, and I felt compelled to sit outside. I love being outside, because it reduces distractions (ahem…children) that are in the house. I also just feel closer to my Creator when I'm experiencing His creation. My mother-in-law always sits outside early in the morning with the Lord, warm, cold, rainy, snowy. Tonight was beautiful, so I'm definitely a fair-weather outdoor quiet time fan. It is just different, and it facilitates deeper connection for me.

So, I get all settled at our table on the backyard patio with my water and bible and turn my music on. Again, I just had this feeling that I needed to change my Pandora station to a certain one (Kari Jobe Station, for inquiring minds).

I open my Bible App to my current plan, which is reading through the Bible and then open my Bible to Leviticus 8. I start reading, and I'm feeling a little guilty about being in chapter 8 and not having underlined one single word in this book yet. I'm trying to dig deeper and see what God wants to show me through the details of all the sacrifices, but all I can really think about is wondering how bad it must have smelled with all the dead animals and parts, even though it keeps saying it was a pleasing aroma. Then I'm wondering if the priests were rather large because they had to eat a lot of food, it seemed. So, you can imagine my mindset, not very spiritual, right?

Then, Captivate Us is playing on my phone and the wind picks up. I look up and a big dark cloud is descending over the backyard. The pecan tree is swaying in the wind and I sense a Presence, filled with power, but I don't feel afraid. Just in awe.

I try to continue reading a few more lines of Leviticus, and another song comes on with a line that says I'm the one who's loved you all your life. It just captured me. I closed my Bible, and looked up at the sky. The temperature dropped and it seemed like I was just being enveloped by this storm and that it may start raining any second. The songs continued to sing about God's love and goodness, and it felt like it was a mixed tape of love songs from God to me. Certain lyrics would bring tears to my eyes, because they were exactly the promises that I didn't know I desperately needed to hear.

Then, without warning, everything was completely still. Not one leaf was moving. The cloud was still there, but there was complete quiet. I was literally sitting in the peace with the storm around me, but unable to touch me. I experienced God's presence, maybe more strongly than I ever have, because I had absolute assurance that He was there with me.

To avoid sounding too cliche, I won't go into all the metaphors this brought to mind for me. I'm sure you can imagine, or even insert your own application.

I cringe to imagine missing that if I hadn't responded to Jesus's gentle nudge to step away from everything and just spend time with Him. As my boss recently said it, He wants us to come away with Him. My friend in devo this morning reminded me that He does want time with me. Another friend today asked me how I'm doing with resting in Him. He orchestrated all of that and then blew me away (literally and figuratively) because I simply sat outside and was present, waiting for Him to show up.

For the record, the wind started blowing again, the amazing love songs continued and I finished reading my chapters in Leviticus, Psalms, Proverbs and 1 Thessalonians. (Smart people wrote this plan…they knew to put some good, easier reads like Psalms with Leviticus.)

An Ego Problem

I've always struggled to ask people for money. When you read that first sentence, you may have had one of several knee-jerk reactionary thoughts. Maybe you thought "Why?" or "Me, too!" or maybe "You should have a problem asking people for money." or maybe you just got a sick feeling in your stomach or a tightening in your chest because that's how you feel when you think about the subject.

We have a gracious God who is patient with us when we just don't get it. When I was a sophomore in college, I went on a short-term mission trip to Barcelona, Spain. I wrote support letters and tried to raise money. I was a teenager and didn't give much thought to it or remember worrying the money wouldn't come through. I do specifically remember going to our final meeting before the trip, knowing I was still quite a bit short of what I needed. When I arrived, the BSM director told me that someone had given the exact amount I was lacking. It was so cool to see God provide and it was a pivotal moment in my life I can return to and remember God's faithfulness.

I went on another trip to Beach Reach on South Padre Island during spring break, and I was in charge of going to fast food restaurants and asking for donations of plasticware, paper plates and to go box containers, cups, etc., because we would provide free pancake breakfasts while we were there. That was not as difficult for a couple of reasons. Practically every place would give at least a sleeve of cups, so I didn't have to suffer the fear of rejection. Also, it wasn't as personal. I was asking for supplies, I had a tangible need that could be easily met, measured and explained. I didn't feel like I had to excessively defend my reasons for asking for paper goods.

It's different when you put yourself out there and ask for financial support. It's the equivalent of admitting things that are hard to admit. Things like "I don't have enough money, and I need your help." Things like "I don't make a lot of money, but I know I'm supposed to go on this trip." It requires an act of laying down our pride. Ultimately it takes the adoption of a new and right perspective: It's not about me.

You see, when I make it about me and what I lack, it shifts the focus away from where it belongs. It diminishes the reality of what God wants to do through this process. It is this incredible opportunity for Him to show off and get glory WHEN He comes through. If I'm not careful, I miss it. If I could do it on my own, then what happens to my need for and dependency on Him? It doesn't give me cause for shame, but it provides me with more than RESOURCES but a REASON to boast in Him alone.

When I am tempted to despair or worry or wish I could just do it without any help, what I should really do is be thankful that God uses these opportunities to humble me, teach me and provide for me like a Good Daddy does. He doesn't want me to worry, He wants me to TRUST.

Practicing Mindfulness

*I began writing this Friday, March 23rd, so I wouldn't lose the thoughts and feelings. I didn't finish it until today…

Cold clean water rushing over my hands and the scent of soap, a mix of pears and honey, drifting up out of the suds. Mindful of what is present, a gift, takes me to another place in my mind, while also creating a new level of awareness. The house is quiet except for the whirring of the dishwasher and the running water. The oven finishes preheating and beeps in the background. Though unusually quiet, the house does not feel empty. The kids are playing in the back yard while my husband repairs the gate latch and fires up the grill. If I really listen, I can hear faint evidences of their laughter and make believe. They are whole, healthy, beautiful. I adore them, yet I unapologetically treasure this unordinary moment of peace to reflect. With each deep inhalation and release, the day melts away and my soul fills with gratitude.

Today I’ve cried. For others. For myself, my fears, my blessings. Been angry and confused. Been overwhelmed with love and acceptance. Been quiet and loud. Felt failure and success. Confidence and insecurity. All lessons. All necessary. All giving life and growth to the everyday moments and the once in a lifetime ones.

So much emotion, sometimes too much to express. Identifying, judging, deciding. A welcome momentary break from the thoughts and feelings to simply Be.

In.

The.

Moment.

Time Flies

I'm not sure what it is, but lately I just can't get enough of my kids. Don't get me wrong…there are daily moments sprinkled in of having had enough.

Somehow, though, the time just seems to be slipping away. 

Maybe it's because my baby girl will be two in less than two weeks. She is suddenly no longer a baby but an adorable little person, full of spunk and personality. 

The boys got hair cuts and look like teenagers. 

My seven year old doesn't like to kiss me goodbye when I drop him off at school and seems like he will be taller than me any day now. 

The boys are doing dishes, and this part of them growing up is AMAZING!

My four year old no longer says 'lellow' instead of 'yellow'. 

As I try to cherish each moment, life seems to sweep them away before I can bask in the enjoyment of the sweet embraces and even the frustrating, teachable ones. In order to attempt to subdue the panic threatening to rise up inside of me, I am taking snapshots like a mad woman. Every second counts and I want to document it. Here are only a few of the ones I've captured in the past 2 weeks. 

Their love for reading…I can't even express the joy this gives me.

Barnes and Noble is our new favorite hangout.

Their sense of adventure is contagious and inspiring.

 I am so humbled and honored to be chosen to be their mom. 

Intermittent Fasting: Day 26

1/26/18

Today has been a day of stress eating. I knew I did this periodically to some extent. I think this is why it's so important to track what you eat. It makes me so much more aware, even during the times when I'm not tracking every single calorie. I still pay better attention. 

Yesterday presented me with some sticky situations and stressful conversations. It caused me to not sleep well last night. I had some anxiety today and some nerves about the basketball game tonight. It was like the perfect storm.

Emotional  ✅

Fatigued  ✅

Stressed  ✅

Anxious  ✅

Nervous  ✅

Overeating  ✅

Unhealthy Snacking  ✅

Anxiety and operating from a place of stress is not normal for me, and I'm thankful for that. It also caused me to be ill-prepared to handle it well. I started trying all the relaxation and breathing exercises I teach my clients. I didn't realize how much of a crutch food is for me when I need comfort, though, so in those tempting moments, I caved.

I'm glad I had this experience while I'm hyper aware of what I'm eating. I will be better prepared to handle it in the future. 

What are some ways you manage stress and anxiety? I would love to know what works well for you!

Intermittent Fasting: Day 25

1/25/18

Some funnies...




Love it!



Don’t we all?




Chick-fil-a, but yeah. Love Fat Amy.

Y'all.

Tuesday afternoon and Wednesday morning, Luke shared with us that they read about Esther at school on Tuesday. This was extra special, because the boys and I recently had a conversation about movies that are based on bible stories and we started talking about the story of Esther. They had so many questions and wanted to know more. Luke has a gift for hearing stories (especially from the Bible) and understanding, remembering and retelling them…exactly. He told us about 'the bad guy' (Haman) and how he had built something (gallows) for Mordecai to be killed on, but then Haman was killed on it instead. He told us that Haman wanted to kill all the Jewish men and Esther the queen saved the Jewish people. It was incredible.

 Yesterday morning, I attended three different chapel services at school. I normally go to two…the lower and upper elementary. Brandon was speaking at jr. high/high school chapel, though, so I made it to hear the last part of his. Each of the messages was unique and powerful.

Mama Kuss talked to Pre-K through 3rd grade (and staff and parents) about the choices we make. She shared about King Josiah and how he became king when he was only 8 years old. I am so thankful that both of my boys were in there for this message, and I am equally grateful that I get to benefit from the encouragement and conviction of hearing the Word of God often, through many different people who are wiser than me.

Mrs. Bevly's 4th grade class shared the message of salvation, redemption and forgiveness based on Isaiah 53:5.

The presentation of this incredible truth was done through these amazing students memorizing scripture, dwelling on their own sins and weaknesses and also on Jesus's sacrifice for our reconciliation to the Father. They made signs with these sins (we ALL struggle with) written on them and symbolically placed them on one of the students representing Jesus. Then, that student placed the signs back onto each student which now read Forgiven.

I left the sweet time of worship and immediately walked over to catch the rest of Brandon's talk. The things he was saying were so good. He was giving the students questions to consider and encouraging them to do some soul searching. He presented the Gospel and openly acknowledged that it's a real possibility that there are people in our school who have not given their lives to Christ. Yes, in a Christian school, not everyone is a Christian. He shared personal examples of having been exactly where some of them are right now. It was powerful. For me, even more powerful than the content of what he was saying was the experience of getting to watch my husband in his element. He stands in front of his class every day and teaches them passionately about the love of Christ. He coaches his basketball team and pours out his heart and energy and strength, trying to help them understand the value of hard work, being a team, growing in their God-given abilities and most of all how to be disciples of Christ. He speaks at chapel, and he teaches a theology class at church. Most of the time, I don't get to see it. When we first met, Brandon was a pastor and for the first 5 years of our marriage, I got to hear him preach almost every week. I am so blessed and thankful to see with my own eyes and to KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is in the center of his calling. He struggles through a full and busy schedule with a heavy burden for the students he cares about so much. He sometimes goes days without seeing his own children. He makes sacrifices, and so do we as his family. When I stood at the back of the room and saw those students engaged and being impacted by the message God had given Brandon to share, tears came to my eyes. It is worth it. Christ, His glory and the Gospel going forth is worth all we have to give.

Yesterday afternoon, Calving brought home his piece to memorize for the speech meet: Isaiah 43:10-13. It's not short, but he isn't scared. He wanted a copy in his room, in the kitchen, in the living room and in the car. We are memorizing it together, and I'm pretty sure I'm more intimidated than he is. At first he didn't want to get started, but I talked to him about his daddy speaking in chapel and what a gift God has given him. I told him that it's important to practice and learn how to stand up in front of people and share the Word of God, and God will bless that and use him someday the same way that he uses daddy now. After that, Calving was ready to roll!

This morning, I was reading my bible. Luke climbed into my lap and wanted to know if I was reading Esther. I said I was reading Exodus. He snuggled in and sat quietly. Then, he asked me if I was reading why wasn't I talking? I forget he's not a reader yet, so he doesn't understand that we can read silently, in our minds. Next I was reading Luke 18, and I asked him if he wanted me to read it out loud. Since it was from the book of Luke, he said yes. I still had Job and 2 Corinthians on my checklist, but he asked me to read him some of Esther. So I did. Planting seeds of scripture into the hearts of my children will always take precedence over completing my checklist…even my bible reading checklist.

I don't share these things in order to puff myself up or think any of this is anything that I have done. It is ONLY by the grace of God that we have the privilege of learning from Him through His Word. I am unworthy but He is love. I share this because I have not consistently read the Word of God purposefully in this way until recently, and it is truly life-changing. If I can encourage anyone to try it, that is what I want to do. I will even read it with you!

God is so good to bless me with His Word and with all the many ways I get to hear it every day. I never want to take it for granted. When I am faithful to start my day this way, He uses it. He gives me verses to share with clients who need hope, with friends who need encouragement and He encourages my heart and fills me up sometimes to the point of feeling like I will burst. It is transforming, alive, a weapon against evil and a comfort to my Spirit.

Intermittent Fasting: Day 24

1/24/18

Things I am NOT ashamed to admit (today):

• I waited a little longer to go pick up Mollie from daycare. I love her with all my heart, but…I don't love her perfectly like Jesus does. Apparently, her entrance into the 'terrible twos' happened at 22 months old, last week. I. just. can't. I was especially not prepared for this, since both of my boys had any semblance of the 'terrible twos' when they were 3 and 4, and it has been mostly mild even then. Pray for us.
• When my 4 year old bit my 7 year old (because he growled at him), we went to have a talk. Luke was so afraid of getting a spanking. I talked to him about how important it is that he never, ever bites anyone. Then, very calmly and very much off the cuff, I simply said, "I'm not going to spank you." *Huge sigh of relief from Luke* "I'm going to bite you." *Screaming, crying, trying to get as far away from me as possible and an expression that most definitely expressed he thought his mom had lost it* Me-"Why are you crying?" L-"I don't want you to bite me!" Me-"Why not?" L-"It would hurt!" Pause for effect. Me-"Do you think it hurt Calvin when you bit him?" L-"Yes." Me-"Go apologize to your brother. I'm not going to bite you." Sometimes parenting can be quite entertaining.
• I started my fast last night before dinner, because I am going to a favorite Italian restaurant with some gal pals tonight. I am going to savor and enjoy and not count calories tonight, and I may even order dessert.

I had oatmeal for breakfast (100 calories) and a yogurt flip for lunch (180 calories). I was rocking along with my water this morning and it gradually slowed down. I am determined to meet my goal before the day ends.

I do not believe in accidents or coincidences. I guess I believe 'everything happens for a reason', while I really don't like it stated that way. It seems vague, and I think everything happens for a specific, God-ordained purpose. Today, something popped up on my Facebook feed that I shared FIVE years ago. In some ways, it discouraged me and made me think the things I was struggling with then, I'm STILL struggling with today. It also encouraged me and helped me to realize that I'm still fighting and I haven't quit. This is what it said:

It's so true. It's so simple and yet so difficult. Intentionality. That is what will make the difference between the will to make changes that will affect our health in a positive way and the choice to change nothing.

Intermittent Fasting: Day 23

1/23/18

Rhythm & Routine

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I have a 22-month old who I recently sleep-trained to go to sleep on her own rather than being rocked. We have a bedtime ritual…not a long one…we go through every night and she has transitioned beautifully. When we aren't at a basketball game, the boys have a set (early) bedtime and they know the routine. In the morning, we have a certain order and way of doing things. Then, on days like today, when daddy has to leave for early morning practice at 6am, things get a little out of whack. Then, the front desk lady at daycare asks me if I am working today, because I have not yet put on work clothes or make-up. 😳 In our home, regular routines and knowing what to expect help us a lot. There is definitely still plenty of chaos, but it's manageable when we have consistency in at least some areas.

Today, I was thinking about how to apply this principle when it comes to food and eating habits. Just like kids (and adults) associate certain things with sleep and going to bed, I think we also associate certain activities with certain food/snacking/eating habits. For example, we like to eat popcorn when we watch a movie as a family. We have food to snack on and drinks when we are playing games with family or friends. I like to have something to chew or suck on when I'm watching a basketball game, because it helps with my nerves. A good habit I have finally developed is always having a water with me when I am teaching, working at my desk or driving in my car.

So, I think it would be helpful to develop some healthy eating habits that become the standard and expectation. I can associate things I do every day with the right kind of food choices. Honestly, it's a relief to not have to think about every detail of meal-planning, grocery shopping, eating and snacking. If I already know what I'll be eating, then I know what I have/need from the store and I can focus on the more important things in life-like cuddling with my kids and cheering on the basketball team we love so dearly.

I planned to go to the gym tomorrow, but I also planned to fast, and I can't do both. So, gym on Thursday it is!

Intermittent Fasting: Day 22

1/22/18

Days 19-21 are missing, because I stopped tracking and honestly, stopped caring what I was putting into my body for a few days. It was homecoming, we had a week full of injuries and illness, my parents came into town, we celebrated my dad's birthday…the excuses are endless, so take your pick. However, I'm back and more motivated than ever. Part of the reason for my fresh inspiration is due to the negative effects of eating too much junk for a few days. I felt sick to my stomach and sluggish, not wanting to do anything…even just emotionally down. I paid the price for poor decisions.

Today, I was ready to start the week out right. I had my Chobani almond coco loco yogurt flip for breakfast. I had coffee with coconut milk creamer (not nearly as tasty as the almond, in my opinion). I am currently about 10 ounces away from my water goal for the day-yay!

Between breakfast and lunch, I taught 4 classes. In two second grade art classes, we talked about and creatively brainstormed about things that inspire us. I got to share with my students how one thing that inspires me constantly is them. In a 5th grade and 6th grade art class, we talked about setting goals. They designed Chinese New Year dragon masks and wrote goals for themselves that were specific, measurable and realistic. Talk about a powerfully motivating morning…I have the BEST students.

By lunch, I was very hungry. I had a great little lunch, courtesy of Costco. I sampled it twice before giving in to purchase it. It's a prepared meal in a box with two containers. You simply open them both, mix them together and eat. You don't even need to heat it, which is a major plus for me, because what teacher has the time?! One container has quinoa and the other has artichoke and roasted red peppers with some seasonings and sunflower oil. It is delicious, filling and has a good balance of the right nutrients.

In the afternoon, I snacked on some pretzels and roasted garlic hummus and a KIND bar, drank more water and taught a 4th grade class and two 3rd grade classes. Due to my high movement Mondays, I reached my step goal for the day, too!

Dinner was salsa chicken, black beans, a little shredded cheese and some yummy green sauce. It's possible I also had a small brownie to satisfy my little sweet craving. I have finished the day 400 calories under my goal, and am feeling better already!!

I am planning to fast from dinner tomorrow (since I'll be at a basketball game cheering on the Runnin' Lions!) until dinner on Wednesday, when I will go to a favorite local Italian restaurant with some dear friends from my Gospel Community at church for a girls' night out! Still all about the planning and preparation.

Hopefully back to the gym on Wednesday morning at 5am, if I can get myself in bed at a decent time...

Intermittent Fasting: Day 18

1/18/18

Balance. This is what I need, what we all need. With food, yes. Also in other areas of life, like family, work, physical exercise, fun, rest and relationships. I think especially with media and entertainment, we have to find a balance or the consequences prove to be catastrophic. Brandon and I are very balanced in the form of shows we watch. We watch a very intense show (The Brave, This is Us, The Crown) and always follow it up with a lighter one (Friends, Big Bang Theory). I'm glad we have such an important aspect of our lives figured out. I'm sure the rest of the areas will work out on their own.

I'm not sure if I should still be entitling this 'Intermittent Fasting', because I'm not really sticking to the plan. It's still a journey and I'm committed to documenting what I'm learning. It just looks a little different than I expected.

One thing I have already begun to see gradually changing is my appetite. Portion control is something I have struggled with for a long time. If something tastes really good to me, I become more about quantity rather than savoring and enjoying it. Lately, I've been much more satisfied with much less. I've been so much more aware of what I'm putting into my body. That doesn't mean I never eat anything with bad stuff in it. I think awareness is powerful, though, and it definitely causes me to be slower to indulge and sometimes partake at all, if I know something is packed with calories or sugar or simple carbs. The 80s commercials were right—knowledge is power. I more often crave things that are healthy and taste good to me. I've taken the time to get more adventurous and find things that I like and don't have to later feel guilty about eating. Even the times when I have returned to old comfort foods, they aren't as satisfying anymore. Sometimes they even upset my stomach physically. They aren't as tempting as that used to be, and I count that as progress.

The more healthy choices I make, the better I feel afterward and that feeling becomes like an addiction. It's rewarding and it turns into a cycle of thoughtful choices about what I'm putting into my body, which helps me to feel positive and gives me more energy, which makes me want to make more healthy choices…and so on.

I do want to continue with the intermittent fasting schedule, because I can see good things happening. Some of it is mental and emotional ties to food for me. Some of it is needing to be in better health physically. I can be legalistic in my personality at times, so I adopt this 'all in' mentality. It can be a good thing, or it can cause me to set unrealistic expectations and end up being destructive. I wanted to count every calorie, fast the same days every week, all day and then start back to the gym (weeks ago now). Things just haven't happened that way, because life. My kids have been sick and needed me, so I've missed work and then returned to work and been exhausted. It's right in the middle of basketball season for my coach husband. I'm the first one to say 'No excuses.' I'm also able to see these are my current realities.

Now that I have spent a couple of weeks of sticking to the plan pretty rigidly, I am ready to continue forward but with (a little) less structure. I still want to log what I'm eating, not because I'm aiming for a specific number of calories and percentage of macros. It's more to keep me aware of what I'm eating and accountable to stay within a reasonable range. This is something that is helpful so I don't lose track, which can easily happen. I still want to fast two days a week, but I'm ok with that looking different. Instead of staying within 500 calories from morning through evening, sometimes it may mean going from dinner one night through lunch the next day. I am still determined to start exercising again, and I'm hopeful that next week my family's health will lend itself to that in a more accommodating way. I don't want to exercise because I feel obligated, but it's something I enjoy and truly makes me feel better and have more energy. I'm looking forward to getting back in that routine of challenging myself…I've missed it for a while. It's also a GREAT reason to get some alone time for a working mama.

Today started out promising with my overnight oats (at least until I actually read the label…sugar and carbs, oh my—no wonder they're so good). I took a healthy lunch, which stayed in the fridge at work while I ordered Leal's with co-workers. I planned to make a healthy dinner, but when my daughter ended up in urgent care again, and I had to pick up her medication at dinner time, I also picked up dinner. My 7 year old was all but salivating over the fried chicken, mac and cheese and dinner rolls. If I had to guess how many times he said "This is SOOOOOOO good!!!" while eating, I would guess 796. I did refrain from the rolls and the mac and cheese…I just opted for the loaded potatoes instead.

To be holistically healthy individuals, it's important that we take care of our minds, bodies and spirits. It's also important that we are kind to others and kind to ourselves. The latter is usually more difficult.

Intermittent Fasting: Day 17

1/17/18

I definitely feel the pull to stop. I have not done great for a few days. I've slacked on logging, planning, sticking to the plan. drinking water. It's been a little tough. Giving up would be easy, and I have plenty of excuses ready to give. But that's not what I'm going to do. I am going to keep pressing in and moving on through the moments when I don't feel like it. I am going to prayerfully continue to seek God's strength and learning and prioritizing what matters.

I didn't eat until lunch and then I had tuna and crackers while it was blistering cold and windy outside. I had a KIND bar snack this afternoon. For dinner, I was very hungry. We had salsa chicken and it was really tasty.

I'm already mentally preparing and planning for tomorrow. Tomorrow is a good day to be a good day. And I'm ready for it!

Intermittent Fasting: Day 16

1/16/18

Here's what I've learned over the past few days that really surprised me. It has been harder for me to stay home with sick kids and eat healthy than it has been for me to go to work and eat healthy. When I grocery shop according to my expected schedule and then it changes, it throws everything out of whack. When I plan my meals for the day and then I'm at work and stuck with what I've got, I don't have to think about it. When I'm at home all day and I don't have to plan anything, I just sort of eat whatever. All of that to say…it's been a rough week. And it's Tuesday. However, I plan to go back to work tomorrow and am hopeful that it will help. I'm considering fasting, but we will see what the morning brings.

This quote was so painfully accurate to me. I love being motivated and inspired and getting in that mode…in the 'zone'. This is a great reminder that we cannot consistently depend on feeling that way. Even when we don't feel motivated, we must choose to be disciplined. That is how our goals will become our reality.

Intermittent Fasting: Day 15

1/15/18

Well, who had the two-week mark for how long I would last? I felt myself falling off the wagon a little bit today. Giving in is beginning to become more of a pattern than an exception to the rule. I'm bargaining and emotionally eating, telling myself I 'deserve' to eat whatever I want after the day I've had. It's getting pretty sad.

I spent the morning either on the phone with the health insurance company or in a doctor's office with my 22-month old, trying to figure out if she had a broken leg. After a few fun hours of that, we got home and were exhausted. I still hadn't eaten a this point. So, for lunch I ate leftover chili, which didn't have to be a bad thing, but it was. I was hungry and emotional, so I ate more of it than I should have.

Tempted to go get fast food for dinner and not cook, I was more convicted about the brussel sprouts sitting in my fridge that would soon go bad if not eaten. I found this quick, easy and delicious recipe and roasted them: Parmesan Roasted Brussels Sprouts

I just ate some brussel sprouts and they were good. Brandon got home after the kids were in bed. He didn't want just brussel sprouts for dinner—can you blame him? So, we got hamburgers from Whataburger. Here's our best effort for showing restraint: we shared the fries and milkshake instead of each getting our own!

Oh! And I didn't go to the gym, as planned this morning, because my baby girl was up and needed her momma. I have had two days of very little water. My day in a nutshell.

I am not quitting, and I am not giving up. I am thankful that His mercies are new every morning & tomorrow is a blank canvas...

If you have strategies that have helped you to not eat emotionally or to resist doing what's easy when life happens and unexpected things occur, please share them!! One thing that helps me is this. Writing about it. For the 7 of you who read this, you are a big part of my accountability, so thank you!

Intermittent Fasting: Day 14

1/14/18

Today was such a weird day in so many ways. One way was that I did not plan to fast today and ended up fasting. I really saw that happening, at some point, the other way around. I had coffee this morning, went to church and then went grocery shopping. By the time I got home, got the kids fed and down for naps, it was 1:00. I needed to go to the school and get things done, so I grabbed a KIND bar on my way out. I realized I hadn't eaten and might as well fast the rest of the day, at least until dinner and just get the fasting day out of the way. So, I did. I was cooking and we were having friends over, so I did eat dinner. I'll share the new recipe I tried below. I also am planning to go to the gym early in the morning, so I decided I needed some sustenance in order to survive the fiasco of 'starting back to the gym' again. That's a whole other issue, but I do hate getting back to working out. I forget everything and feel lost and don't know what to do, yet I know it's a mistake to go to the gym without a plan. Not my favorite part of the process.

Yesterday someone rang the doorbell, and the next thing I know all three of the males in my house are running to the door with their wallets. (Yes, my husband, 7 year old and 4 year old all have a wallet and are literally taking their cash to the door.) I go to find out what's going on, and it's girls selling girl scout cookies!! It was the funniest thing I'd ever seen. So, we have a new temptation in the house. I was grateful this isn't much of a temptation for me until I found out my hubby so thoughtfully bought my favorites, too…Lemonades. *sigh*

As we have been eating healthier, and a huge victory for me…less, I have noticed that my view of food has begun to shift. For so long I have seen food as the answer to things it was not meant to be. Things like peace, comfort, satisfaction, escape, a quick fix. Now I am seeing it more and more for what it is: fuel. In Mark 2, Jesus is explaining the purpose of the Sabbath to the Pharisees and He says "The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath." The Pharisees are trying to trap Jesus, by proving that He is not abiding by the law. However, by focusing on the checklist and the letter of the law, they are completely missing the point. I feel like I've been missing the point. My body was not made for food, but food was made to nourish and fuel my body. When I can plainly see it in that perspective, it enables me to put food in its rightful place and stop focusing on it too much. Food isn't the goal, it's the means. The more effective my means, the quicker and better able I will be to reach my goal: to serve and glorify God with my life. I know it seems simple, but it gives things a fresh new meaning to me.

Ok, recipe time. Ground Turkey and Bean Stew It is so good. It has green chiles and cilantro in it. My friend made sourdough bread and brought it, too. It was a delicious and delightful meal to share with family and friends. I also entered the ingredients into My Fitness Pal to create a recipe. It's 492 calories per serving and low in fat with a little less protein that carbs.

Intermittent Fasting: Day 13

1/13/18

Spring cleaning came early to the Gilbert household. It was not really by our choice, but it turned out to be a very productive day. The plumber had to come and cleaned roots out of our pipes in the back yard. There was an odor coming from the refrigerator that we could not find. So, we moved it to clean underneath, took everything out and washed every shelf and drawer. Then, we were in the back yard with the kids, and I used one of the kids' toys to get some big branches out of the gutter. Then, I had this bright idea for Calvin to earn tablet time by cleaning out the gutters. He was so excited to do it! Brandon got the ladder out and showed him and they took turns, and now my gutters are clean. :) Luke's job was to pick up pecans from our trees in the back yard, and he did an excellent job.

Breakfast: I made pancakes for the kids, but that doesn't really tempt me. I had scrambled eggs with avocado and green sauce.

Snack: I was at the parenting conference and had a little 100 calorie bag of pretzels.

Lunch: A pork chop and some asparagus.

Snack: Brandon was going to get a coke and brought me a diet green tea with blackberry from Sonic. I also had a KIND bar.

Dinner: Coconut crusted tilapia, sautéed garlic green beans, macaroni and cheese

Snack: Ramen noodles. I know this sounds weird and it's incredibly unhealthy. When I lived in Korea, ramen was a staple. It became a favorite for me, and every once in a while it's a comforting thing to have. So, I broke down and had some tonight. It wasn't very satisfying, and I find that's usually the case with comfort food. I enjoy it while I'm eating, but then I usually regret the decision. I really believe 'comfort food' is more tied to memories and the experience of enjoying it, smelling it, sharing it…than the actual food or how it satisfies us physically. Maybe that's just me. In the end, I wasn't thrilled with the ramen decision.

Craving. I think this goes along with the comfort food. If I am wanting a certain type of food from a certain place really badly (usually not-good-for-me food), it is rarely a choice I am happy with in he long run to fulfill those cravings in the moment.

However, when I struggle and end up making the difficult choice to order something or cook something that doesn't sound the best but I know it's a healthier choice/portion, I am happy with the decision every. time. Discipline and follow through are what it takes to regularly make these decisions and resist the temptations to choose otherwise.

I'll leave this thought here and say goodnight :)

Intermittent Fasting: Day 12

1/12/18

I had a plan for the day, and per usual, things did not go according to plan.

I had planned to take the kids to Chick fil a for dinner, and we were meeting friends there to play and it would be a good 'ol time. I did not plan on my almost 22 month old hurting her foot and needing x-rays at the urgent care clinic. I did not plan for the school nurse to call and tell me that my 7-year-old had a sore throat which might possibly develop into strep. I planned to attend a parenting conference at church tonight I was really excited about and had been looking forward to for a while. I like the way my mom put it: You get to be a good mom instead of going to learn how to be a better one. Plans change. They have to, and we have to be flexible and willing to make adjustments. It's what I tell my students, my clients, my children and myself all the time. It's true. But it's not easy.

I let myself be disappointed for a minute, but the thing about living gratefully is that you can't stay that way for long. Thoughts of all the blessings in my life and people and comforts and conveniences I have to be thankful for began to flood my mind. I let myself tear up in frustration momentarily, as I dialed the 5th number on my new insurance card trying to figure out where to take my baby girl to get help that was in network and could meet our needs. Immediately, I was thankful to have insurance, to have proximity to multiple places we could get to in minutes to see a doctor. Thankful for our school nurse and Mollie's teacher and my sweet co-workers and friends…even the grace shown to me by the student I had to cut a session short with to go pick up my kids and quickly change hats: counselor to mom. Thankful for the strength and clarity God provided to guide me through a crazy afternoon that I hadn't planned. Doesn't the bible say something about how God laughs when we make plans? No, that was Woody Allen. Proverbs says that 'Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.'

I think that's why food is hard for a lot of people. There are so many things in life that we cannot control. We can plan all we want, but we can't force, avoid or create circumstances. With eating, we can control how much or how little we eat. We can control when and how and with whom we eat. We can decide what types of things we choose to put into our body. In a world and a life where we have very little control, much of which is an illusion, what we eat is our choice alone. It's why one of the biggest battles with my kids is trying to get them to eat. Eat vegetables. Eat dinner. Eat less sugar. Eat anything. I can bribe them and beg them and give them consequences, but I can't force them to do it. I like this Eisenhower quote better. It helps me see this daily struggle as a battle and it motivates me to work hard to win the battle.

Plans and control go hand in hand. Since I knew we were going to eat at Chick fil a (and I wasn't getting a salad because I was using a receipt from a receipt day and getting our entire dinner FREE), I saved up enough calories to indulge a bit.

Breakfast: Oh yeah, I had Chick fil a for breakfast, too. Have you tried the Egg White Grill? Mmmmm. I refrained from the hash brown bites from heaven, as well as the 'super healthy' vanilla iced coffee. So, it was a grand total of 300 calories.

Lunch: I had a wrap with leftover fajita meat, black beans, tomatoes and green chiles and some banana chips. (When I got home for lunch, Brandon was eating an apple-yay! and a bowl of lucky charms-boo!)

Dinner: We still picked up Chick fil a after the urgent care clinic, and I had the spicy deluxe chicken sandwich, waffle fries and a large sweet tea. I was surprise to discover (after I ate it) that the amount of calories in Chick fil a sauce is 140 calories! Here's what Google says:

If you opt for sauce with your nuggets or chicken tenders, steer clear of the Chick-fil-A sauce—it has 140 calories and 13 grams of fat. Better choices include Buffalo sauce (10 calories, zero fat), barbecue sauce (45 calories, zero fat), and honey-mustard sauce (45 calories, zero fat).

Good to know. Anyway, I still was fine on calories, and it was a great meal after the day we had. I'm sure it was also not an accident that the very last verse of my reading today says this: "You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." I'm working on it, Lord help me.

Intermittent Fasting: Day 11

1/11/2018

I had an internal debate going on this morning. I planned to fast, but I woke up so hungry my stomach hurt. I am such a creature of habit, so I assumed that if I fasted today, it would look like the other (2) days I fasted. The other two days I didn't eat until I was hungry, and I didn't get hungry until around 2pm. I was worried that if I ate breakfast, I would use too many calories and not make it through the day. I decided to go with it and listen to my body.

Breakfast: I ate two fried eggs on dry toast with green sauce (plus my usual coffee w/ almond creamer). Boom…300 calories-gone before 9am.

After I finished eating, I was reading my devotional and part of my reading was in Luke 4: The Temptation of Jesus. And Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the wilderness for forty days, being tempted by the devil. And he ate nothing during those days. And when they were ended, he was hungry. The devil said to him, "If you are the Son of God, command this stone to become bread." And Jesus answered him, "It is written, 'Man shall not live by bread alone.'" Luke 4:1-4

So, I'm thinking this was no accident. I was encouraged as I thought about fasting for 40 days as opposed to 1 day. It seemed more doable. It was also a great reminder that, although one reason I am doing this is for a healthier lifestyle, I began to consider fasting in the New Year as a regular part of my week for spiritual reasons. It's about more than food and the physical. It's also about focus, perspective, clarity and discipline to overcome temptation by the Lord's strength. I'm incredibly thankful God provided reassurance through His Word in the exact moment I needed it.

I took a tuna/crackers pack to work (220 calories) and hoped for the best, knowing if I didn't make it fasting today I could always try again tomorrow. That's one of the things I love about this method: flexibility. I drank my lemon water consistently throughout the day. I even carried it with me into sessions, of course offering a water to my clients as well. It was like a visual aid…we are talking about goal-setting this time of year and I can share that one of my goals is to drink enough water each day.

Lunch/Snack: I ate my tuna and crackers about 3pm and felt like I might make it the rest of the day, knowing my calories were spent.

Dinner: I made the fam grilled cheese sandwiches, chicken noodle soup and an apple for dinner on this cold, windy day. Then, while they ate, I did the dishes to keep myself occupied.

I met a friend at Starbucks after the kids were in bed. I was tempted to order a sweet, hot drink to warm me up but was able to stick to a green tea…still hot but not sweet. I'm thankful I made it through today but also thankful it's over.

Intermittent Fasting: Day 10

1/10/18

I think the fear of having to give up things I love is what has made me wait this long to really totally commit to a healthier lifestyle. A big motivation for my personal journey is to prevent developing Type II Diabetes. I had gestational diabetes with all three of my pregnancies, and with each incident, the likelihood of developing it increases. I read about the things that I need to stay away from, like pasta and red meat and sugar, and I don't want to give them up. A lot of it has to do with my personality. I am an all-in kind of girl, so if I do something, I'm going to do it 110%. In my mind, that translates to "I can never have steak or a hamburger or pasta again." Today, I was thinking about the fact that I don't really miss those things, and I'm already beginning to crave really good things that I need to be eating. I also think that a healthy mindset/approach is one that has balance. It's ok, and even good, to enjoy the things we like from time to time, in moderation. This has been a struggle for me in the past. I don't 'enjoy in moderation'…I restrict completely, then give in and indulge and then give up and quit on my goals. Sounds effective, right? This time I'm trying to be consistent and make wise choices 95% of the time. I'm also trying to give myself grace and be realistic about what I can maintain indefinitely.

I drank 90 ounces of water today, 60 ounces with lemon in it!!!

Breakfast: I had a Chobani yogurt flip. I can't remember the cute name for it, but it's banana yogurt with dark chocolate. Dairy is one of the things I thought I would never want to consider going without, because I love love cheese and milk and all the dairy things. I recently realized that I haven't been eating much dairy, and I haven't missed it.

Lunch: I made a big salad: Spinach, Chicken, crispy jalepenos, avocado, candied pecans and balsamic vinaigrette. It was so delicious. I love salad and vegetables and all kinds of healthy food. I could eat a salad for lunch every day. I just have to have the good stuff to go in it and the time to prepare it.

Snack: Popcorn after school with my kids :)

Dinner: We had pork fajita meat on a bed of spinach and added black beans, tomatoes w/ green chiles and green sauce…really spicy green sauce. Brandon had avocado on his, and the kids had chips minus the beans, tomatoes w/ green chiles and green sauce, plus ranch.

At the end of the day, I still had over 900 calories left. We got a little treat from J's Creamery. I had a small lemon lush squeeze concrete and it was amazing. Enjoyable in moderation.

Fasting again tomorrow.

Intermittent Fasting: Day 9

1/9/2018

I weighed today, and there was zero change, which is sort of what I expected. I used a different scale and different type of scale and had on my chunky sweater, cords, shoes, vest, etc…but really, who's counting? :) Did you know you weigh less when there's a full moon? I think the next weigh day will be January 31st. There's a supermoon called Snow Moon that day.

Today was fasting day. Brandon had oatmeal for breakfast. He walked into the break room at work, had a temporary lapse of memory and ate a muffin. :) He snacked on an apple, a banana and some beef jerky throughout the day.

I had my coffee and almond creamer this morning. I blame my husband. He grinds the coffee and it smells so good. Then he makes it and just the aroma helps me become more alert. Then he offers me some (or makes it for me). He has turned me into an addict. On the mornings he doesn't make it or isn't here, I feel a little lost. Not enough to make it myself. And I'm the one who was a barista in a coffee shop when we met.

Moving on…I did not drink my water goal today. I aim for 100ish ounces, and I made it to 64 ounces.  Not so good. I do feel like I'm hydrated and I went to the bathroom frequently, so probably not too bad.

I ate about a third of a chicken breast and some green beans around 2:00. It's crazy how much you appreciate food when you're restricting it quite a bit. It tasted really good and satisfied me to get through the rest of my day (without my stomach growling during a counseling session, like it did earlier in the day). I went to a meeting and went to buy some groceries. I didn't realize it until I was at the store, but grocery shopping on fasting day may not be the easiest way to go.

For dinner, we (the adults) had vegetable tikka masala with basmati rice and some asparagus. The kids had chicken nuggets and asparagus. I turned around for two seconds and Mollie's asparagus was GONE. She gobbled it up. I totally bribed my boys with chocolate pudding to eat theirs.

The fasting days are not nearly as tough as I expected them to be. I'm considering doing another this week. We'll see.

When I went to 'complete my diary' on My Fitness Pal where I log my meals, I got reprimanded. It said that I am likely not eating enough and provided the National Institutes of Health for safe weight loss. It went on to tell me that completing my diary with fewer than the minimum recommended calories will not generate a news feed post for the day or show a five-week weight projection. Then, it tells me the risk and gives me advice to safely reach my goals.

I get it. And I'm glad it encourages safe practices. It just made me laugh. I have rarely, if ever, been told that I'm not eating enough. Not a common problem for me. The five week weight projection says something like 'if every day was like today, in 5 weeks you'd weigh: ___'. I don't want to know what I would weigh in 5 weeks if I ate 479 calories a day, because I don't want to even imagine only eating 479 calories every day. No thanks.

Intermittent Fasting: Day 8

1/8/2018

To start…I forgot to weigh. I honestly forgot, it was a busy day and I'll get it done tomorrow. I don't have a scale at home, because it isn't a healthy thing for me. I don't want to make my health all about my weight—good or bad, because it is so much more than that. I don't have a target weight or a certain number I want to lose. I have more of a range I want to be in and maintain. I will update tomorrow with any news of how the first 8 days have affected, if at all, my weight.

Today was a good first day back to work, work-wise and healthy living wise.

Breakfast: Oatmeal and coffee, while uploading grades and writing lesson plans.

Lunch: I went to Orlando's Italian Restaurant with co-workers and resisted ordering what I really wanted-green chile chicken fettuccine. Instead, I had a salad (with their amazing blue cheese dressing) and a half Italian sub. It was very good and satisfying. I drank a huge ice water with lemon.

Dinner: Salmon and garlic roasted green beans.

Snack: Kind bar

I was well under calories and feel the need to eat more with tomorrow being a fasting day. However, I'm going to ignore the 'obligation' to eat or the 'fear' of not having enough to make it through tomorrow. I'm choosing to listen to my body, which although tired, is physically satisfied with food. I am certain, barring my kids waking me up, I will have no problem sleeping soundly tonight.

Intermittent Fasting: Day 7

1/7/2018

I am not proud of the day, but I am pleased with the first week. Today was the first day I was hungry and just couldn't seem to get satisfied. I was thankful, at first, that I was prepared with some healthy snacks to munch on. However, as the day went on, my calories ran out and I gave in at the end of the day and resolved to start with a new day and new attitude tomorrow.

Breakfast: Scrambled egg with green sauce on dry whole grain toast & coffee with creamer.
Snack: Almonds-water
Lunch: Pepperoncini roast on roll ups with cheese and jalapeño kettle chips.
Snack: Beef Jerky-water
Dinner: Pad Thai w/ Chicken
Dessert: Big ol' bowl of ice cream

As for exercise, I spent a lot of time in the floor, scraping up carpet glue. I played outside with the kids. I moved a couch to a truck and then to a house. It was a busy day.

Tomorrow is a new day and a new week and I go back to work. The possibilities are endless.

Intermittent Fasting: Day 6

1/6/2018

In preparation for going back to work on Monday, I'm stock-piling some easy go-to breakfasts and lunches. I love the greek yogurt flips (coconut with dark chocolate and almonds is my favorite! Brandon eats the peanut butter one.). It's easy, delicious, healthy and filling. I love oatmeal (mentioned in Day 2's blog), especially in the winter, and the Quaker overnight oats are great when I remember to do them the night before! Quick easy and healthy lunches I like to pack and take are the tuna packs to go, salad with chicken (pre-grilled in preparation for the week), and the Bird's eye protein blends found in the frozen section (I eat 1/3 to 1/2 of a package and sometimes add avocado…Southwest is my favorite one). My favorite snack to take is the Sabra Hummus snack pack that comes with the little flat donut-shaped pretzels…roasted red pepper or roasted garlic. Yum.

Here's how today happened:

Breakfast: Yogurt Crossover. I betrayed my beloved Chobani because they were momentarily OUT of my favorite flavor. So, I had the Fage Crossover, which basically ripped of the Chobani Flip. However, it was coconut with dark chocolate chips and it was delicious.

I took my hot coffee in a cork cup and my SIC (seriously ice cold) cup, complete with stainless steel straw (I like my water to stay cold) and walked to the school to get some work done. By walk, I mean out my back gate and across the parking lot. :)

Lunch: By the time I got home, three hours later, I was really ready for lunch. I made a salad with spinach, grilled chicken, avocado and balsamic vinaigrette. It hit the spot.

We were going to the movies with some friends at Alamo Draft House, so I knew we would eat dinner out…again. I was also seeing the same movie I saw yesterday, and I was ecstatic. It was just as good, if not better, the second time around. (The Greatest Showman-seriously, see it. Then buy the soundtrack, sign and dance around the living room and burn a bunch of calories.)

The sitter was coming around 6:30, so in all of our wisdom, we decided at 4:00 to start demo day in my living room. We pulled up carpet and nails and foam and glue. We worked our tails off for 2 hours. Then, we sort of put the room back together and got ready to leave.

Dinner: After that impromptu workout, I was very hungry by the time we got to the movie. With more than enough calories to spare, I had sangria (theirs is my most favorite I've ever had), chicken strips and fries. Also, I drank a GINORMOUS glass of ice water.

I logged everything from dinner when I got home, and my app said I still had 800 some odd calories left. I was encouraged, because I was well under my goal and more than satisfied. I did end up finishing a bit of a Complete Cookie-Double Chocolate and am currently having a Zevia sparkling water. I am normally not a fan of sparkling water, but they were on sale at Sprouts and I needed something different. The lime isn't my favorite, but I really like the blackberry.

One day away from the end of week #1 and two days away from weigh-in. If you're still following along on the journey, thanks for reading. I would love to hear your tips and things you're doing to make healthy choices!

Intermittent Fasting: Day 5

1/5/2018

This is the first day I have not been under my calorie goal since tracking, and that's including the 500 calorie day. I made some great, well-planned decisions and stuck to them. Then, I was also lazy in some areas.

Breakfast: Today was my last day until I don't know when to sleep in a little bit. So, when I got up and made breakfast for the kids, I just didn't want to make breakfast for myself. I wasn't hungry anyway, so I had an extra turkey sausage link and my water and coffee.

Lunch: By lunch I was a little hungry, so I had a chicken quesadilla.

Snacks: I went to the movies with some friends, so to avoid the temptation to get popcorn or a coke, I filled up my 32 oz. Nalgene with water and grabbed a package of almonds. It worked beautifully…except I finished my water and had to get up and leave during the movie to use the bathroom.

After the movie, I went to Sprouts to stock up on some fruits (apples, bananas and banana chips) and veggies (asparagus and brussel sprouts). I picked up some sparkling water and some lemons to add to my boring regular water. I also grabbed some Skinny Pop :)

Dinner: We were going out to eat with family, and I knew this in advance, so I had tried to plan accordingly for where we were going to eat. We get to the restaurant and they were not busy at all but apparently had so many take out orders to fill that it was going to be a long wait. So, we went next door to Twisted Root Burger Co. I had a hamburger and some fried pickles. Those pickles put me over my calories, but they were worth it!! Haha

Now…we just need to eat at home, so I can cook all this healthy food I bought!! I will be weighing in on Mondays and will share how this plan is affecting my weight loss goals. I don't expect to see a lot of change until I'm exercising again, along with the intermittent fasting plan.

Intermittent Fasting: Day 4

1/4/2018

I knew today might be a challenge. We spent the day out of town, and when you eat out, it can be difficult, but not impossible to make healthy choices.

Breakfast at home: I finally got eggs!! Scrambled eggs with spinach, onion, avocado and green sauce. (505 Souhwestern Flame Roasted Green Chile…mmmmm) Also, a turkey sausage link. Brandon has been eating the same meals as me when we eat together. He's done well and says he is enjoying the healthier meals.

Drinking water was easier today, because I spent quite a bit of time in the car and somehow that makes it easier. Maybe it gives me something to do??

Lunch Out: We picked up food from a favorite restaurant at my old stomping grounds, Canyon, TX, home of West Texas A&M University Buffaloes. I had blackened catfish, steamed rice and green beans, and it was delicious. Game day for Brandon, and an afternoon game threw off his schedule. He didn't eat lunch today.

The kids and I spent the afternoon with my BFF, who I met in college and our kids played together…we may have some arranged marriages in their futures. It was a perfect day. Then, we went to watch the TCS Runnin' Lions play basketball in Amarillo.

Dinner Out: Chili's. I ordered the buffalo chicken ranch sandwich with french fries. BREADED chicken on BREAD with FRIED potatoes and ketchup. At least I drank water :) I added it to My Fitness Pal, and miraculously I was still 122 calories under. This was fortunate, because I stopped for a small iced coffee in Plainview on the drive home, which could have been the difference between staying alert and falling asleep at the wheel. Brandon had Rosa's after the game before heading home.

One bad habit that I've become aware of and am working to break is finishing my kids' food. I didn't realize how much I did this, but now I catch myself and can stop doing it. I hate to waste food…or really anything. I am learning to let some things like that go, for the sake of better health and more sensible priorities.

Not a perfect day, but I would say it was successful…

Intermittent Fasting: Day 3

1/3/2018

I thought I would be so ready to eat a lot today and that the struggle would be to focus on portions and restrain from overeating. It was more the opposite. I got to 9:00pm, felt like I'd eaten quite a bit  today, with effort, and was still 620 calories under my goal. I guess it's a good problem to have.

It took me about an hour to drink 20 oz of water so I could eat breakfast and have coffee.

Breakfast: Quaker overnight oats-toasted coconut and almond crunch (prepared with almond milk). Oh my goodness, this is good stuff y'all.

No snacks…too busy making snacks for the kids. And not hungry.

Lunch: Leftover chicken spaghetti casserole. And more water. I'm really over the water thing. The chicken spaghetti, however, was incredible. The amazing parents at our school do a great job of blessing and honoring our teachers, and this was one example of many blessings.

I got a spa gift for Christmas from my mom-in-law, so I spent the afternoon getting a massage, reflexology and a facial. You know what they do when you go the spa…make you drink water. 😐 The reflexology (first time for me) and massage was so relaxing. Is it just me, though, or are facials painful? I feel like I'm being tortured. Anyway… no snacks this afternoon.

Dinner: I had put a roast in the crockpot this morning, with a packet of Italian seasoning and a jar of pepperoncinis over it. When I walked in the door, it smelled amazing. I had spinach, roast, avocado and a slice of cheese wrapped up on my Lavash Roll Up. We had steamed broccoli on the side.

It was a good day. I have decided to start back to the gym next week. One step at a time.

Intermittent Fasting: Day 2

1/2/2018

I have to admit…I have been a little nervous about fasting today. It's one thing when you're at work and too busy to even have time to eat. We are still at home on Christmas break, and I am making the kids' meals and snacks. I just knew it was going to be a challenge.

Here's the recap from Day 2:

I had a glass of water first thing, even before coffee. :) I had some ideas about what I could eat for breakfast, because I know I do better with a plan. I was not hungry, so I decided to save my precious calories.

I had a 9:00 appointment, and the temperature was in the teens this morning. I made some coffee to go with some Silk vanilla almond creamer…it was SO worth the 25 calories! The suggestions say you can have water, black coffee and unsweet tea to help with hunger. I don't do black coffee.

My sweet husband has not fared so well.

Breakfast: He had oatmeal…we like the Better Oats brand with steel cut oats and flaxseed…maple and brown sugar-100 calories. He does like his coffee black, if it's good coffee. Yes, we are coffee snobs.

He is a high school boys' basketball coach, and they had practice this morning. He also tends to be hypoglycemic. (We should have researched this more in advance.) So, when he got dizzy and felt like he was going to pass out, he ate a Milky Way. Poor guy.

Lunch: When he got home, he had some leftover chicken and butternut squash and an apple. I'm so thankful he's willing to try this with me, but we know that our needs are different and our bodies will respond differently, so we are ready to flexible and make adjustments.
I was still doing ok, so around 2:00, I made a salad: spinach, a hard boiled egg, avocado and balsamic vinegar dressing. I'm trying to learn servings and ounces and measurements, so right now I'm using the awesome food scale mom gave me a while back and my new measuring spoons my sis-in-law gave me for Christmas! Had my sweet, adorable, mooching children not wanted bites of my egg and avocado, it would have totaled 186 calories. It's a good thing they're cute.

The reading I've done says not to work out on fasting days but to do some yoga or something like that. We decided to take the boys to a trampoline park/ropes course/rock wall/laser tag place. :) We survived.

Dinner: We had an amazing 300 calorie dinner. The amazing part, other than the taste, is that Brandon was so hungry that he tried it and LOVED it. I have discovered Indian Vegetable Tikka Masala at Costco and paired it with Basmati Rice (both by Tasty Bites and prepared in the microwave). It was incredible. I accidentally let Brandon know, after he ate it and loved it, that it had green peas in it. He hates them but said he couldn't taste them. I did not tell him I read, after the fact, that it also had cashews in it. He's allergic to tree nuts. It won't kill him, but he might get sick :-0  Hopefully not.

I ended the day with 512 consumed calories and feeling fine. My Fitbit tells me I burned over 2,000 calories today. Brandon was a little h-angry but mostly a good sport. He did have a little beef jerky to tide him over.

Intermittent Fasting: Day 1

1/1/18

What better way to start a new year than with a healthy eating plan?! Today, the hubs and I are beginning the intermittent fasting plan that will eventually be the 5:2 eating plan (5 days of eating regular/healthy, normal calories and 2 days of fasting-500 calories for me/600 for him). However, we are easing into it and starting with one fasting day a week. I am tracking my calories on all days on My Fitness Pal, so I can have extra accountability, and let's face it- I haven't been sticking to any kind of plan for a while. The purposes we are hoping to accomplish with this are a healthier lifestyle, weight loss, diabetes prevention (for me) and improving gut health. I am going to chronicle my journey, in hopes that it will help encourage and inspire others to make healthier choices with us.

Here’s how Day 1 went:

Breakfast: I made what I’m calling 'breakfast hash' (for the third day in a row). I chop up yellow squash, onion and spinach and sautéed in a skillet with some evoo. When it was soft, I added avocado and salsa on the top. It was so good. I know it doesn’t sound very breakfast-y, and it was developed when I had forgotten to get eggs at the store and had to use what I had. Now I’m in love. I had a slice of multigrain toast with a little butter. My sweet husband brought me Yellow House coffee (our most favorite coffee in the world).

I am really trying to drink water throughout the day again, but I’ve struggled to get in the habit. I drank one glass of water between breakfast and lunch.

Lunch: I had a wrap with turkey and mustard on a Natural Lavash Roll-Up and some Miss Vickie's jalapeño kettle chips.

I didn't snack in between meals, because I wasn't hungry. :) I did better on my water in the afternoon.

Dinner: Brandon made chicken in the skillet and the flavor was amazing…he used some cajun seasoning and garlic salt. We had some cubed butternut squash that we roasted in the oven with some olive oil, salt and pepper. I made Veggie Pasta with butter salt and pepper. It was delicious and even the kids were asking when we could have it again.

To my surprise, I had been satisfied all day and was still 600 calories under my goal.

I was nervous about not eating anything else, knowing the next day was fasting, so while we watched college football, we snacked on some crackers and cheese. I found this southwest smoked gouda spread at Costco. It's amazing.

I had planned to go to the gym today, but we took down our Christmas decorations instead. :) Chasing children was my workout today.

If I'm being honest, it was not easy to think about facing a new year this morning. I am a living cliche of new beginnings, New Year's Resolutions, and starting on January 1st. Otherwise, what's the point? You miss it. You have to wait until next year. That may be an exaggeration, but one thing is true:  I like a clear starting point, measurable goals and a plan. I intentionally started a year-long reading plan on a random day in November, because I knew I had other goals in mind that I would start in the New Year and did not want to set myself up for failure.

As reflections go, from what I've seen, it's been a mixed bag of good and bad. There are always some with the "Good Riddance, 2017!" attitude. There are some sentimental memories or those who have experienced monumental life events in the year and tend to have an overall positive perspective as they look back on the year. Wherever we fall on the spectrum, I think generally, we can all welcome a new year with a hopeful outlook and excitement about a clean slate. I can personally think of both the good and bad from the past year, and as a whole, I believe we are prone to more easily remember the hard times with better precision and clarity. This makes it imperative to make an effort to remember the good things, with the bad.

As I un-decorated the tree this morning, I carefully packed away the ornaments…a mixture of decorative ornaments we've had since our first Christmas together 9 years ago, ones we have received as gifts over the years, we've collected from travels or the kids had made. I began to feel overwhelming gratitude for our life. I gradually gained momentum and motivation to finish putting away remnants of the season that has ended again and felt excitement for whatever the new year may bring.

I have a long list of things I want to accomplish, improve and learn. I have more ideas and inspirations than time. I have dreams and desires for my children and how they will grow, ways I can facilitate that growth. It can be overwhelming and even daunting. But grace. My prayer is that I would have grace for myself and for those around me. 

Discernment is essential. I want to prioritize what matters and let go of distractions. I want to make messes, laugh and soak up every precious second. I want to say 'yes' as often as possible when my kids ask me to lay with them for a few extra minutes at bedtime. I want to put down my phone and date my husband, even in the living room after the kids have gone to bed. I want to push back the darkness and live in the light. I want to have the courage to wake up and show up for my life and the roles I am meant to fill for the next 365 days. I hope you will, too. Happy New Year!