Honoring a Legacy

Our school administrators choose a theme for each school year that we focus on together. We emphasize it, memorize scriptures that remind us of it and teach our students (and ourselves) how to live it out in their everyday lives. This year that theme is honor.

I have been wanting to write this blog for a couple of weeks, and at the same time wanted to avoid it. The first day of school this year (with students) was Thursday, August 20th. This was my oldest son's first day of kindergarten. It was my husband's first day of a new teaching job, after being out of the classroom for 10+ years. It was the first day of my second year as an elementary art teacher. That seemed to be enough to keep us occupied, but on the contrary, a couple of other life-altering events occurred for us in that same week...one of which I'm finally ready to share through writing.

Earlier that week, I got a call from my mom and she told me that my grandmother had gone home. Although she had been in the hospital and recently moved to a nursing home, I still don't think anything prepares you for that call. Soon after, we found out that the services would be held Friday morning, August 21st. After making arrangements to miss the second day of school, it was all I could do just to wait to get home and hug my mom. 

We had a beautiful, sad, wonderful time celebrating Patty's life with family and friends over the weekend. My mom sang Amazing Grace at the graveside service (beautifully and without flaw). My big brother shared a beautiful message at the memorial service about the things about life he learned from Patty and some sweet memories. We looked at pictures and shared stories with my parents, uncle, aunt and cousins. It would have made Patty so proud and given her so much joy to know that she brought us together again for a very special time.

It wasn't until after I got home that God began bringing some sweet stories to my mind about Patty that I hadn't thought about in a while. In order to honor her memory and legacy, I want to share two of them with you now.

The first is most recent. When she fell and had to go to the hospital earlier in the summer, mom discovered some relatives that she didn't know. Patty had a cousin in Arizona who called her to check in from time to time. When Patty was in the hospital and her cousin could not reach her, he became worried and didn't know what happened. His daughter contacted my mom and Patty and her cousin were reunited through a phone conversation once again. He told her that his wife had cancer and was going to die soon. When he couldn't reach Patty, he thought he had lost her, too. He confided that he felt very alone. My sweet grandmother, who always had a positive and encouraging word for anyone the Lord put in her path to minister to, reassured him that she loved him and that God loved him and that he was going to be ok. I was so sweetly reminded that we always must be ready to answer God's call to minister to those He puts in our lives by simply sharing the words He gives us to say. 

Another story that came to mind is one from much longer ago. When I was in Junior High, I was going to a friend's house for lunch one day and my mom came to tell me that Patty had a stroke and was in the hospital. I didn't really understood what it meant, but I could tell it was serious. Once she was stabilized in the hospital, she was very scared and couldn't remember anything. I cannot imagine the fear she was experiencing or what was going through her mind in those moments. With tears in her eyes and the inability to recognize the loved ones standing around her, she picked up her Bible and said "He loves me so much." What faith. What incredible trust. What an awesome God we serve. His Word was planted so deeply in her heart that no physical attack could remove it. She knew nothing else, but she knew that her Jesus loved her and that He was with her. What a beautiful testimony it has given me. In any circumstance, no matter how scary or bleak it may seem, we can always be assured that God loves us and stand on that truth. It is enough.

I miss my grandmother and think of her often. I am so happy that she gets to be with the Father she spent her life serving. I am glad she is no longer in pain, struggling on this earth with all that comes along with a cursed world filled with hurt and sin. Mostly, I am thankful that she left a legacy of love, faith and family. She was one of the strongest women I knew, and it inspires me to be strong too, and mostly to depend on God's strength, just like she did.

The Great Rescue

This evening, as we reflected on the cross at the Good Friday service at our church, our pastor encouraged us to mourn and rejoice. He said that it is almost impossible to separate the two, because we mourn, but we do not do so without hope. So, as we spend the weekend in reflection of what Christ has done, it is important to realize its significance, without minimizing the ultimate act of sacrifice. It matters that we take a 'hard' look, in every sense of the word, at the wickedness in our hearts, which gives meaning and purpose to the heroic act of a Savior. It is equally important that we rejoice in who He is and the lengths He went to, in order to save us and make us His very own. As we talked about the meaning of Good Friday and Easter with our 4-year-old throughout the day, He knew all the right answers to why we celebrate Easter, what Good Friday represents and why Resurrection Sunday is so important. How I long for the day when both of my boys are able to better understand and embrace the meaning of The Great Rescue. I cannot imagine the hopelessness those who don't believe must experience. The most powerful word picture from the service that grabbed me was explained in a way that enabled me to feel both grief and gratitude in the same breath. He said Jesus's body was torn apart so that I may have newness of life. What truth! What grievous and glorious truth! For my good. For His glory. It is finished. May all that we, as believers, do and say on Easter weekend and always be through the lenses of the Gospel-Jesus's death and resurrection.

This song...For the Cross...listen, meditate, worship the One who gave everything.

Though our sins are scarlet

You have made us white as snow

The Center of His Love

I was running in Colorado again today, after a very long period of not running in Colorado. I remembered the hills but had blocked the altitude difference out of my memories. It was too cloudy to see the mountains, so it was kind of a tough run. Then, I heard this song. A song I have heard many times before, but this one part really struck me today:

"I’m holding on to the center of Your love"
(Monk & Neagle, All I Need)

It’s such a simple song, beautiful, full of truth and a genuine desire to know that Christ is all we need.

This one line, though, drew my thoughts toward the negative space, the opposite of what ‘the center of His love’ really is…because most often that is what tends to subtly and dangerously draw us away from Him. Why do we NOT hold on to the center of HIs love? I think a lot of times it’s because we are deceived and don’t know what that really even means.

We think that we have experienced the love of Christ in ways that are really only shadows, mirages, pretending to be something they aren’t. We pursue relationships to fulfill us and meet our needs. We chase after careers, prestige, being the best parents. We strive to attain (and maintain) the perfect home, the perfect family, the perfect life. Sure, as Christians, we attribute success to blessing and provision from God. We may even attribute failure to not enough Jesus or not being faithful in giving Him credit. In all of this, we miss the point. The center of His love is not in the gifts that He gives, but in the giving of Himself. 

As I heard this line, I was immediately reminded of missionary families we know and pray for all over the world. Far from home, with families of their own, they daily know what it means to hold onto the center of His love. They know the meaning of depending whole-heartedly on the Lord, because they have no other option. They know the risks and sacrifices of going (maybe specifically and maybe generally), but they also know the worth of living for Christ and seeing the Gospel go forth. 

Next, I was reminded of the sermon at church from two days ago. He said, “I think living in faith is harder in America than it is anywhere else.” He talked about physical idols built to gods in other places; however, the idols we have in America are usually invisible and we are frequently completely blind to them. They can be much more dangerous. This is similar to holding onto things that are weak reflections, at best, of God’s love and thinking we are actually holding onto Him. Only when what we are holding onto crumbles do we realize that it never was the real thing.

When I transitioned from the negative space of what the center of God’s love is NOT and was able to think about what it IS, I was overwhelmed with the truth of the HOPE we have in Him. In my art classes, we have been working on anchor charts from the perspective of Hebrews 6, where God’s Word tells us that our hope in Him is secure, comparing it to an anchor for the soul. That is what I think of when I think about what the center of God’s love truly is…an anchor for the soul, immoveable, unchangeable, stable and strong. Beginning in verse 13, the next 8 verses describe in great detail and with specific examples and prophecies why we can trust the certainty of God’s promises. This is real, this is what makes life worth living, and this is what I want to be holding onto, rather than a well-disguised shadow that only leaves me empty and alone.

I don’t read The Message often, but sometimes I love the beautiful words it uses to communicate scripture. Hebrews 6:18-20 says “We who have run for our very lives to God have every reason to grab the promised hope with both hands and never let go. It’s an unbreakable spiritual lifeline, reaching past all appearances right to the very presence of God where Jesus, running on ahead of us, has taken up his permanent post as high priest for us, in the order of Melchizedek.”

Grab on with both hands and never let go, but be sure you know what you’re grabbing. 

Obsessed with Fifty Shades

Although there have been articles written, too many to mention, and obvious reasons why avoiding Fifty Shades may be a wise move, I have continued to struggle personally with why I am so obsessed with it...opposing it, that is. After quite a bit of introspective contemplation, I may have finally pinpointed the roots for my strong feelings about it.

1. So many women are obsessed with this series. The first book remained on the NY Best Sellers List for 147 weeks or something like that. At one point, the books were selling at a rate of 2 copies per second. That is just insanity. All of that leads to a simple conclusion...women are looking for something more and somehow this storyline has them convinced that they can have more. There is no way that most, maybe any, will admit that they want or need anything from the experience of reading the books/watching the movie other than entertainment. It is also impossible that what everyone gets from it is the same. It's even been labeled by some as 'Mommy Porn'. I think the motives run much deeper than the physical, though (although there is more than enough of it here). Erika (author: E L James) even says it in a interview. She talks about the way a woman wants to be taken care of and even controlled. In our culture, so many women do it all: careers, families, dinner on the table, etc. etc. etc. It is a temptation for many women simply trying to keep their heads above water to consider all needs being met and all decisions being made by a wealthy, handsome man who desires her. So, I get it, sort of. I am not saying I blame wives, moms and single women for needing an escape from life that is just hard sometimes. However, for reasons that will follow, I urge you to seek out a healthier outlet than this.

2. BDSM is falsely romanticized and deceitfully skimmed over in this series. No, I have not read the books (and will not). I have not seen the movie. You can stop reading now if that discredits, in your perspective, what I have to share. I have researched enough...remember I said I was obsessed...read reviews and watched interviews from both sides to have enough information about the details of what is included. I also have the overwhelming response of the masses on my side, when it comes to this issue. If the humiliation, pain and abuse is not apparent enough to cause those who do not practice it personally to be off-putting, then it isn't an accurate representation of what BDSM involves. It normalizes what is, in reality, a very unhealthy and abnormal relationship. It isn't a love story...love stories can happen in real life. It's a twisted fairy tale that has captured women who are willing to compromise dignity, morals and true love because it's new, different, exciting and worth it if he's cute enough, rich enough and becomes Prince Charming in the end, right? 

3. It causes me to grieve for dear ones I know and how they may be affected. I have counseled clients and have friends who have struggled with pornography addiction, BDSM tendencies, so desperate to find a submissive/dominant to meet their needs that they search on Craig's List (before these books were even written). I say 'struggle' because not one of them wanted these desires but instead fought with every fiber of their being against them. Why would any of us knowingly expose our eyes, thoughts, minds and hearts to something so potentially damaging? "It's just a movie." "It's just entertainment." Not for everyone. For those who suffer, it's saying that this is ok. It's saying that it's really not that big of a deal and it doesn't lead to abuse, rape, substance abuse, suicidal thoughts/attempts. It has a happy ending. Not true, my friends. Even if you think contributing to making this type of 'entertainment' such a success affects no one else but you...think again. It affects our culture and what is permissible. It affects our children and the kind of world they will grow up in. It affects those who have been abused and manipulated and sends the message that their suffering doesn't matter, because this is popular, so they should really be able to get over it. I physically hurt when I think about the pain this dangerous message will cause and feel helpless to prevent it. The justification that enables such atrocities is truly pathetic.

There are more, so many more reasons why I see problems with these books and movie. As I watched Erika being interviewed, she seemed like such a lovely person. She was extremely shy and a bit overwhelmed by her exploding fame in such a quick time. She apparently isn't so interested in having lots of money and doesn't really want her life to change due to the fame, although both are inevitable. She has two teenage sons whom she hopes NEVER read the books. Right there with ya, sister. My two boys will most definitely not be exposed to anything remotely close to what you have written while in my home. Neither would my daughters if I had any. She read the Twilight series, was inspired by Stephanie Meyer, did a little research and wrote a novel. She didn't expect it to amount to much. I can't help but wonder if even she is a little disappointed that 'this' is the kind of stuff people get excited about. 'This' is what people are spending their time reading and their Valentine's dates watching. It's quite a declining world we are living in and I'm a little sad to think on it for long. So I will stop there and feel a step closer to resolution of my personal feelings on this matter. 

Hurting to Healing

There is some intense heaviness in my world right now, and I know I'm not alone. A couple of weeks ago we had a staff development meeting, and a lady from the Rape Crisis Center came to speak to us about human trafficking. She explained to us that this is not an issue just in some other parts of the world but in our own city, as well. It was informative and sad, and I walked away feeling a little more knowledgable but completely helpless.

Monday was an in-service day, and a very dynamic speaker talked to us about systems theory, as it relates to families, communities and schools. Mostly, he helped us understand how it affects children, so when we see them affected by a broken system, we can somehow try to help. In order to teach us, he shared examples of what broken systems look like, and contrasted them with characteristics of healthy ones. It was fascinating, and I learned a lot. Again, it reminded me of the brokenness in our world and of hurting people everywhere. Marriages, kids, teachers, students, families are hurting.

A man in my hometown community, along with his wife and 3 kids, is facing a brain tumor, complications of surgery and the possibility of a shorter life than any of them could have imagined. People are hurting.

People in Ferguson and outside of Missouri, black, white and every other color, police officers and convicted criminals, are affected by what is happening in our country and among the people of this nation. It is impossible to live in America and be unaffected, which can only be accomplished by pretense. We are each one affected, and in some way...hurting.

Tonight, my husband and I decided to watch a movie. He wanted gory action, I wanted shallow romantic comedy, so we compromised on a documentary that we have wanted to watch and just kept forgetting about it. We watched Nefarious: Merchant of Souls, which is a documentary on modern-day sex slavery. I didn't think I could finish watching, because I was going to be sick. It wasn't visually graphic, and it didn't have to be. I couldn't believe what I was seeing...that it wasn't a movie...this is real, and it happens every day. It happens in our world, in our country and to people who never asked for this life. Every person involved in human trafficking is hurting, and most of them don't even know it.

Uplifting on Thanksgiving Eve, right? It's important, though, that we are able to admit, especially during the holidays that life can be downright tough. It's essential that we are able to say "I'm hurting, and I need something to help me." Because if we can't acknowledge it, then we get stuck there, and the only thing that changes is that we become hurt people who hurt people. We get to a place where 'hopeless' becomes too weak of a word to describe how we feel, as one of the interviewees on the documentary put it. We cannot get to that point and survive. If we can say "I am hurting," then we can also ask for help. That is where healing begins.

I'm so glad I stuck it out until the end of the documentary, because it was worth it. You've seen these victims of human trafficking being interviewed throughout it, some of them just a shadowed silhouette. They've shared their stories and the horrific details of the nightmare they lived. They cried and struggled to find words to describe the evils they encountered. The experts shared about the psychology of it all and the Stockholm Syndrome, victim mentality, psychological brainwashing and the overwhelming statistics of those who are rescued return to the lifestyle. Right when you get to a point where you feel like giving up for them, even the ones who are rescued, because they can never recover, they ask them about what has helped them overcome what they have survived. All of the sudden, these women who were crying and quietly battling to talk, are filled with joy, have light in their eyes and are talking non-stop about the one and only thing that has helped them know they are loved, worth something and have value. Jesus. Somehow, in some way, they encountered Jesus and His love for them, and once again they have hope. They have marriages and families and ministries to help others.

It's true, people are hurting everywhere. Many are experiencing pain deeper than I could ever imagine. Maybe you saw the title of this blog post and were enticed to click and read because you are hurting, too. If that's true, please know that I am praying for you tonight, for Jesus to overwhelm your soul and bring you peace and calm in the midst of your storm, as only He can.

A song from way back when has been on my heart tonight, and I want to share the lyrics here. I hope they will offer some sense of encouragement for those who need it so desperately right now.

JESUS IS THE ANSWER

Jesus is the answer for the world today.
Above him there's no other, Jesus is the way.

If you have some questions
In the corners of your mind
Traces of discouragement
Peace you cannot find
Reflections of your past
Seem to face you everyday
But this one thing I do know,
Jesus is the way.

Jesus is the answer for the world today.
Above him there's no other, Jesus is the way.

I know you've got mountains
You think you cannot climb
I know your skies are dark
You think the sun won't shine
But in case you don't know
That the word of God is true
Everything he's promised
He'll do it for you.

Jesus is the answer for the world today.
Above him there's no other, Jesus is the way.

A Word Picture: Six Years in Retrospect

Six years ago was my wedding day, and today I love my husband more than I ever dreamed possible. Looking back, I just thought I loved him a lot as we began our life together. Six years, two kids, two moves and many ups and downs later, I realize that I'm only beginning to know what being one with someone is all about.

One of the coolest thing that we have gotten to do together is premarital counseling for other young couples as they prepare for marriage. This has been so much fun for us, and although it does require some time and planning, especially with two young children, I am certain that it blesses and encourages us as much as it does them, if not more. I have done premarital counseling/education through workshops, small groups and couples for some time. Only in the past couple of years have we had the opportunity to do it together as a team. Each time it causes us to examine our own marriage and how we are doing in these areas. It helps us reflect on where we are and what we need to work on more. It encourages us to reminisce and share stories from our history, good and bad, so we can laugh and remember where we have been and how far we have come.

Today it is an honor to share the celebration of our wedding anniversary with a precious couple who has become so dear to us on their wedding day. Kent and Mandy have opened their lives and their relationship up to us from the beginning. They've sat on our couch and at our dining room table and we have laughed, cried and prayed together over the course of their dating relationship ups and downs, engagement and now, today they finally get to express their love for one another in front of family and friends, as they commit to one another and to God the beginning of this beautiful journey.

I am so thankful that we get to see a glimpse of the Father's love through the word picture of marriage. Weddings are fun, and being married is a blast. It's even better when we realize that marriage isn't really about us. Its foundational purpose is to show us and give us an example of the perfect love that Christ has for His people, the church. So, when we read scriptures like Ephesians 5:22-33, we think it's about marriage. Yes, it does offer insight and direction which would be wise to model our marriages after. However, the true and flawless example and purpose is always Christ. Ultimately, we can be filled with hope when we fail our spouses (and we will...again and again), because God's love never fails and always pursues, always perseveres.

I am so grateful today, and every day, for my husband who loves me well, protects and provides always, is an amazing daddy to two little boys whose hero he is and first and foremost loves Jesus and seeks to honor God in all he does. I cannot imagine a better way to celebrate our love and life together than to celebrate a new beginning with sweet friends and worship together, recognizing the most important love story of all.

A Posture of Gratitude

It's been a long time, friends. My last post is dated August 2nd, the day after my 32nd birthday. Eight days later, a lot of changes took place. It's been good and hard and up and down and non-stop, but I finally decided that it is time. There are some things that need to be transitioned from my brain and my heart to my blog. As I look back over the posts I've written, there are some drafts with titles and no content. It's amusing to me, because I always think I'm being so clever by getting the titles down when I have some random thing I want to write about (later). Months later, I revisit these brief titles and notes, and at best, I vaguely remember in which direction I may have been thinking at the time. The changes I will have to write about at another time...I'm fairly certain they will not be too soon forgotten. Today's words and thoughts are too many to be combined with anything else.

I love fall and I love Thanksgiving. It is my favorite of all seasons and my favorite of holidays. I have always believed that I understood what it meant to be thankful and that I was pretty good at having an 'attitude of gratitude' most of the time. Without even realizing it, I would silently judge others who complained or simply feel pretty good about myself for realizing all that I had and appreciating it. This season has transformed my perspective and now I truly understand what it means to live thankfully every day. Corita Kent said this about understanding:

To understand is to stand under which is to look up which is a good way to understand. 

When I say I understand what it means what I only thought I understood for so long, I do not claim that I fully get it or do it perfectly. I simply mean that I have recently experienced days, un-extraordinary in any way, when my heart has overflowed with thankfulness to the point of tears for things that are not new to me. Corita said it well, and it applies to my life, personally, to add that what I stand under is grace from God and His provision and I look up to Him when I am unable to make sense of my world. Sometimes He chooses to give insight, and sometimes He just drops a big ole thankfulness bomb on me, reminding me that I don't have to 'get' every detail. More often than not, I believe it's the latter, and I'm totally okay with that.

Un-extraordinary Examples

Disclaimer: I do not label these as "un-extraordinary" because they are not a big deal (or because that isn't even a word), but because they are not anything new or different in my life.

Church 

I cry at church every week. When we take communion or when we are worshipping all together as a family or when the pastor is preaching and sometimes during all three of these things, I cry. It's not a spiritual peak moment or a Wednesday night church camp emotional moment. It's truly realizing what Christ did for me and what communion really symbolizes. It's seeing Calvin raise his hands in worship or Luke's sweet face just watching me and wondering what on earth I'm singing about. It's holding Brandon's hand while we listen to a sermon on Ephesians 5 (marriage) or 6 (parenting), knowing that we are a team. I cry tears of joy and gratefulness, not because this is the first time I know that I serve an amazing God or have been blessed with a beautiful family. It is the simple recognition of the simple gift of salvation. It's because I recognize the gift that it is, not just once, but every time that we have these privileges. Psalm 9:1 is what I have shared with my students over and over again in the past couple of weeks. It says

"I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds." 

We talk about the word 'recount', meaning that we are not to recognize and thank God for our blessings once, but again and again and again.

Work

This goes back to all the changes, so I will catch you up later on the details. In a nutshell, I am teaching elementary art at a private Christian school. I cannot even count the times I have cried at work...again tears of pure joy and overflowing from a thankful heart. How many people can say that about their jobs? I work in an incredible place with people who love Jesus and precious children who are learning to love Jesus, too. I also work down the hall from both of my children, so it doesn't get better than that. I am exhausted at the end of the day and I generally don't want to get out of bed early in the morning. Here's how I know I love my job and that I'm grateful for it: I'm not depressed on Sunday night about Monday morning, and I'm not in a bad mood in the car on the way to school in the mornings. Just this week...I cried when sweet friends from work texted and emailed me to check on my boys, because they knew there was a possibility one of them might be sick. I cried at our indescribable family worship chapel on Wednesday and again at our staff meeting that afternoon, as I shared and listened to everyone share their hearts about why they were thankful to be at this place. I cried this morning as our staff joined together and prayer walked through the halls and classrooms, preparing for the day. I cried when I hugged Calvin's teacher in the hall and told her how much I appreciated her, because I know that she loves him and pours the love of Christ into him on a daily basis. Work makes me cry...but in a good way.

In Transit

I can think of two times in the past week that Calvin asked some tough questions, and God immediately gave me words to respond, along with...you guessed it...a grateful heart. We were driving home from school one day, sitting at a stop light, and we saw a man riding his bicycle. He had two sacks, one on each handlebar. It was very cold and damp outside, as we sat in our warm car with the heater going. Calvin said, "Is that man riding a bicycle?" I told him yes. Then, his infamous question: "Why?" Without skipping a beat, I explained that some people don't have cars and we are very blessed that we have a car to drive that works and can get us from place to place, keeping us dry and warm. A couple of days later, Calvin didn't want to wear his coat...I'm sure none of you parents can imagine fighting that battle. He finally conceded, and as we were walking to the car, he said "It's not too cold out here." Again, the words flowed quickly as I responded by explaining that it wasn't too cold because we are so fortunate to have warm clothes to wear. I tried to help him understand with his little 4-year-old brain that not everyone in the world has the option to dress and live comfortably, without fear of what hardships the weather may bring.

It was great to be able to begin to share these truths with my son, and I hope and pray they begin to take root. The real lesson, however, was for me. He didn't see the tears in my eyes as we were sitting at the stop light, because he didn't know that my heart has not always been thankful for my 10-year-old, 100,000+ mile, crack in the windshield vehicle. He didn't know that God was showing me the lack of gratitude in my own heart and revealing to me something huge in my life for which to be thankful. He didn't understand that sometimes mommy wishes she could shop more often for new clothes for myself and my family, when in reality, what we have been blessed with is more than enough.

Why Gratitude Matters

The list really goes on and on, and I know it may sound like I'm just a big crybaby. I can promise you that I'm not. This is a glimpse, a very abbreviated one, into a depth of gratitude that has rocked my world over the past few months. A change in perspective like this is seemingly so small, but absolutely life-changing. I'm learning to not just say the 'right things': I'm so grateful for what I have. I'm just trusting the Lord to provide. I know that God's timing is perfect. I'm actually meaning it in my heart and living it with my life, and it makes all the difference.

At our staff devotion time on Tuesday morning (yes, another time I cried), a teacher shared this: Gratefulness brings contentment and contentment brings peace. I can attest to this statement and wholeheartedly support it. I know God has overflowed my soul with gladness in Him and gratefulness for the ordinary, which really isn't ordinary at all. I have never been more content or peaceful, when it makes the least logical sense to be either, in all my life.

My prayer for you, as you're reading this, is that you will find joy in the little things and the ability to see with new eyes the many things that have been there for so long for which you have to rejoice and have thanksgiving in your heart. May you be richly blessed with just enough.