Over-spiritualizing the Ordinary

Lately, it seems like I have stood at sinks and washed an overwhelming amount of things. I wash dishes at home. I wash out paint brushes and paint plates at school. I wash my 3-year-olds' face and hands about 8 million times a day. I wash spit up from the baby out of my clothes, hair, her clothes, the carpet and furniture, etc. I wash pump parts 3-4 times a day. It's a lot of washing that goes on in my world right now, people. So, during one of these many washing sessions, I began to wonder 'What is God trying to teach me through this time? Maybe I am supposed to be getting some deeper meaning from this. Perhaps I should be contemplating something in particular during the hours I spend washing stuff.' Then, it hit me...nope. It really just is what it is.

In reality, I am pretty sure I was just bored and craving some deeper meaning to all of it. Sometimes, it just isn't there. The clothes and art supplies and children and messes...they just have to be cleaned. And let's face it, some days they just stay dirty, because I am tired. I'm learning that it's ok if at every corner, there is not some grand revelation. In every task, there is not necessarily a new perspective. Pre-k lunch duty is just not likely to inspire gratitude and feelings of making a difference in the world (shocking, I know).

I'm not saying these everyday things are not important, because they absolutely must be done by someone at some point. I don't even mind them all the time...there are days and moments when I need to be able to do something that doesn't require a whole lot of thought and focused concentration. I believe it's also essential that we (I) stop attempting to squeeze spiritual truths out of each and every moment, just to justify its worthiness. It's much more important to rest in the one truth that God is pleased with faithfulness to accomplish what He has set before me today. He is pleased with simple obedience. He is pleased when we do the things we must do in the phases of life we are in with joy in our hearts that we are able, only through Him, to do anything at all.

Maybe it's just me, but when I realize that everything I do is not required to have monumental meaning, it's like a weight is physically lifted from my shoulders. I'm suddenly free to be thankful for the mundane and to relax, knowing I'm exactly where He wants me to be.

Favorites

Today is a milestone, because our sweet baby girl is 6 months old today! Because it's a Saturday, I've had some moments to reflect about where we are and how each of our children is so completely different. I decided to write a few favorites we all have in our lives right now. The kids crack us up every day, but I don't always get to sit down and write about it. Here are some things we've been spending our time with lately.

Mollie loves playing with her feet and putting her toes in her mouth. Sometimes she will just stare at them. Then, she'll move them and it will startle her. She gets a quizzical look on her face like she's trying to figure out what they will do next. It's quite entertaining...for her, and us. She likes to laugh at her silly big brothers. They will run up to her and say silly things and she will just giggle and coo and bat her long eyelashes at them. She does the same thing when we give her ticklish kisses on her neck. She has recently been playing in her johnny jump up swing, and she is figuring out how to move around in it. She talks to her toys and animals and seems to be a very good listener, which makes her counselor mommy proud. I can't leave out her daddy's all-time favorite: scream talking. *insert sarcasm here*

Luke's most recent favorite word is 'impossible'. The other day when Brandon and Cal were at basketball, I was feeding Mollie. Luke wanted to move a toy into the living room, and I could hear him in the sunroom: "This is IM-POSSIBLE! It is impossible for me to move this. It won't stay together and I can't pick it up. It's impossible." My 3-year old...verbal like a 5-year old. Luke is obsessed with fighting bad guys, being a superhero and inventing new super-powers. His latest is running in a circle really fast to make a tornado in which he makes the bad guys live. He loves his mommy and baby sister fiercely and wants to be just like his daddy and big brother. He keeps us laughing constantly. This middle child is the sticky, messy, unpredictable glue that holds us all together. He also, since recently conquering potty training, likes to inform us of the shapes of what he leaves in the potty. So creative. He likes to hear stories, tell stories, make up stories and sing and dance.

Calvin is loving basketball and playing tag with his friends on the playground. He really likes math this year in school (thanks, Mrs. York!). He loves to read and rise to challenges. He is a sweet friend with a compassionate heart that nurtures and cares for others. He loves to do puzzles, build with legos and do anything that makes him think. He eats a lot, all the time. He likes to tell us what he dreams about at night. One of his favorite things is holding his baby sister and making her laugh. He is not fond of her scream-talking because it hurts his ears. He also likes to memorize scriptures.

Brandon currently likes asking the boys theological questions over meals. When they answer, he follows up with "What does that mean?" I'm sure they will grow to love the fact that daddy is a Bible teacher. This morning, over breakfast, we established that being a Christian means you choose the right path, which means you follow Jesus and not the enemy, which means you make wise choices.

My favorites...them.

What I'm Learning From My Kids

This week is screen-free week, and my bright, 5-year-old rule-follower (like his mommy) has not let us forget it at home. I'm thankful his teacher and school are encouraging the students to participate, but I have to admit that I wasn't instantly thrilled at the idea. Having a newborn, emotional 2-year-old and exploring-the-limits 5-year-old has resulted in some satisfying-my-sanity 'yes, you can watch a show' moments fairly often lately. This post seems like a repeat for me that takes place annually when I am convicted about how much time I am spending on my phone, watching TV, letting my children play on the iPad, etc. The last time I wrote a post similar to this was when I was living Colorado, nursing Luke and spending every second of nursing on Facebook on my phone. I realized that I was wasting precious bonding time with my baby that I would not be able to get back. So, I (gasp) took the Facebook app off my phone. Of course, after a while, the world of technology, be it Facebook, Netflix, Words with Friends...eventually pulls me back in and once again, I am spending more time than I want to with my eyes glued to a screen.

Monday afternoon, when the boys got home from school, Luke (2) asked (as he does almost every afternoon) "Can I watch a show?" Before I could respond, Calvin (5) came running into the living room, puts his hands up and says "Wait! We Can't! It's screen-free week!" His clever brother replies "You can't, but I can." Calvin informed us that it actually includes little brothers and sisters, as well as mommies and daddies. So far, we have done pretty well this week finding other ways to spend our time. We've played more games, read more books and spent more time outside. One time in the car, while running errands, we accidentally forgot and turned on the DVD player for a couple of minutes before I remembered. I said something, causing Calvin to cover his eyes and then quickly turn off the movie.

As Brandon and I discussed it on Monday night, I told him how important it was to Calvin that we try to stick to screen-free week. We decided that when the boys aren't here or after they're in bed, we won't force ourselves to strictly adhere to the guidelines of screen-free week. However, during the day, I have really limited my TV-watching time (proving easier now that I've finished Gilmore Girls!). I've noticed an ability to connect with Mollie more and find a rhythm with her that is not as often interrupted by the distractions of the TV screen or my phone screen. Tuesday night, after the boys were in bed, we could have turned on the television, but we didn't, and it was really nice and peaceful to just sit in the quiet and be. If our 5-year-old has the discipline to say no to screen time, then surely, so can we...and we are reaping the benefits of moderation.

One thing, among many, I'm learning from my beautifully frustrating 2-year-old is about security. His love language is the same as mine: quality time. Unfortunately, with a new baby in the house, our one-on-one time has been limited. He senses this, and even though he doesn't understand it, it's just hard. He LOVES his baby sister. Tonight at church, he introduced himself to a complete stranger who asked his name as "big brudder". He holds no visible resentment toward his sister, although he did tell me this afternoon that he did NOT want her to eat! I'm fairly certain he holds it more against me than her.

What it's teaching me is that it's ok to want to feel secure in the love of those with whom we do life. It's ok to feel insecure and seek comfort from those who care for us. It's most important to find our true identity and security in Christ. For me, it's painstakingly evident when I'm not doing that. For Luke, he doesn't completely know how to do that consistently, but it's something I want to intentionally teach him. He understands and perceives way more than I realize sometimes.

Finally, what I'm learning from my youngest, 7-week-old, only daughter. There are so many things, too many to write about here. The one thing that stands out and is accurately represented by this picture is that sometimes we need to cry, we need to take a moment and be emotional and we need to be comforted without feeling like we have to have it all together, be strong or pretend we're ok, when we're not.

She has to be held, like all the time. It's exhausting and frustrating and just plain annoying. I'm not worried that she will be spoiled...she's a baby, not a manipulator. I want to feel like, in a tangible way, that I have accomplished something each day. Sometimes it's difficult to feel that way when I have held her and fed her and changed her (and sometimes managed to feed myself and get dressed), and that is all I've done all day. I understand that this is my main job right now, that I shouldn't feel guilty about getting nothing else done, blah blah blah. It's just increasingly hard to sit and look at a house that needs to be picked up and cleaned and organized and literally just look at it while I sit. all. day. long.

So, while I'm sure Mollie had every right to cry about being stripped down naked, put in a basket, with a bow bigger than her head, I think it reminds me that it's ok to be frustrated with circumstances I can't control. It's important to remember that it's temporary. It's pertinent to treasure the moments that are already passing by much too quickly. Rarely, if ever, will I have the opportunity again to sit and hold my babies, just because they need me. 

I am so thankful for my children and all that the Lord is teaching me, through them, each and every day.

*These pictures were taken by the talented Stacie Stine, whose style I love, as it captures the every day, natural rhythms of life.

Honoring a Legacy

Our school administrators choose a theme for each school year that we focus on together. We emphasize it, memorize scriptures that remind us of it and teach our students (and ourselves) how to live it out in their everyday lives. This year that theme is honor.

I have been wanting to write this blog for a couple of weeks, and at the same time wanted to avoid it. The first day of school this year (with students) was Thursday, August 20th. This was my oldest son's first day of kindergarten. It was my husband's first day of a new teaching job, after being out of the classroom for 10+ years. It was the first day of my second year as an elementary art teacher. That seemed to be enough to keep us occupied, but on the contrary, a couple of other life-altering events occurred for us in that same week...one of which I'm finally ready to share through writing.

Earlier that week, I got a call from my mom and she told me that my grandmother had gone home. Although she had been in the hospital and recently moved to a nursing home, I still don't think anything prepares you for that call. Soon after, we found out that the services would be held Friday morning, August 21st. After making arrangements to miss the second day of school, it was all I could do just to wait to get home and hug my mom. 

We had a beautiful, sad, wonderful time celebrating Patty's life with family and friends over the weekend. My mom sang Amazing Grace at the graveside service (beautifully and without flaw). My big brother shared a beautiful message at the memorial service about the things about life he learned from Patty and some sweet memories. We looked at pictures and shared stories with my parents, uncle, aunt and cousins. It would have made Patty so proud and given her so much joy to know that she brought us together again for a very special time.

It wasn't until after I got home that God began bringing some sweet stories to my mind about Patty that I hadn't thought about in a while. In order to honor her memory and legacy, I want to share two of them with you now.

The first is most recent. When she fell and had to go to the hospital earlier in the summer, mom discovered some relatives that she didn't know. Patty had a cousin in Arizona who called her to check in from time to time. When Patty was in the hospital and her cousin could not reach her, he became worried and didn't know what happened. His daughter contacted my mom and Patty and her cousin were reunited through a phone conversation once again. He told her that his wife had cancer and was going to die soon. When he couldn't reach Patty, he thought he had lost her, too. He confided that he felt very alone. My sweet grandmother, who always had a positive and encouraging word for anyone the Lord put in her path to minister to, reassured him that she loved him and that God loved him and that he was going to be ok. I was so sweetly reminded that we always must be ready to answer God's call to minister to those He puts in our lives by simply sharing the words He gives us to say. 

Another story that came to mind is one from much longer ago. When I was in Junior High, I was going to a friend's house for lunch one day and my mom came to tell me that Patty had a stroke and was in the hospital. I didn't really understood what it meant, but I could tell it was serious. Once she was stabilized in the hospital, she was very scared and couldn't remember anything. I cannot imagine the fear she was experiencing or what was going through her mind in those moments. With tears in her eyes and the inability to recognize the loved ones standing around her, she picked up her Bible and said "He loves me so much." What faith. What incredible trust. What an awesome God we serve. His Word was planted so deeply in her heart that no physical attack could remove it. She knew nothing else, but she knew that her Jesus loved her and that He was with her. What a beautiful testimony it has given me. In any circumstance, no matter how scary or bleak it may seem, we can always be assured that God loves us and stand on that truth. It is enough.

I miss my grandmother and think of her often. I am so happy that she gets to be with the Father she spent her life serving. I am glad she is no longer in pain, struggling on this earth with all that comes along with a cursed world filled with hurt and sin. Mostly, I am thankful that she left a legacy of love, faith and family. She was one of the strongest women I knew, and it inspires me to be strong too, and mostly to depend on God's strength, just like she did.

The Great Rescue

This evening, as we reflected on the cross at the Good Friday service at our church, our pastor encouraged us to mourn and rejoice. He said that it is almost impossible to separate the two, because we mourn, but we do not do so without hope. So, as we spend the weekend in reflection of what Christ has done, it is important to realize its significance, without minimizing the ultimate act of sacrifice. It matters that we take a 'hard' look, in every sense of the word, at the wickedness in our hearts, which gives meaning and purpose to the heroic act of a Savior. It is equally important that we rejoice in who He is and the lengths He went to, in order to save us and make us His very own. As we talked about the meaning of Good Friday and Easter with our 4-year-old throughout the day, He knew all the right answers to why we celebrate Easter, what Good Friday represents and why Resurrection Sunday is so important. How I long for the day when both of my boys are able to better understand and embrace the meaning of The Great Rescue. I cannot imagine the hopelessness those who don't believe must experience. The most powerful word picture from the service that grabbed me was explained in a way that enabled me to feel both grief and gratitude in the same breath. He said Jesus's body was torn apart so that I may have newness of life. What truth! What grievous and glorious truth! For my good. For His glory. It is finished. May all that we, as believers, do and say on Easter weekend and always be through the lenses of the Gospel-Jesus's death and resurrection.

This song...For the Cross...listen, meditate, worship the One who gave everything.

Though our sins are scarlet

You have made us white as snow

The Center of His Love

I was running in Colorado again today, after a very long period of not running in Colorado. I remembered the hills but had blocked the altitude difference out of my memories. It was too cloudy to see the mountains, so it was kind of a tough run. Then, I heard this song. A song I have heard many times before, but this one part really struck me today:

"I’m holding on to the center of Your love"
(Monk & Neagle, All I Need)

It’s such a simple song, beautiful, full of truth and a genuine desire to know that Christ is all we need.

This one line, though, drew my thoughts toward the negative space, the opposite of what ‘the center of His love’ really is…because most often that is what tends to subtly and dangerously draw us away from Him. Why do we NOT hold on to the center of HIs love? I think a lot of times it’s because we are deceived and don’t know what that really even means.

We think that we have experienced the love of Christ in ways that are really only shadows, mirages, pretending to be something they aren’t. We pursue relationships to fulfill us and meet our needs. We chase after careers, prestige, being the best parents. We strive to attain (and maintain) the perfect home, the perfect family, the perfect life. Sure, as Christians, we attribute success to blessing and provision from God. We may even attribute failure to not enough Jesus or not being faithful in giving Him credit. In all of this, we miss the point. The center of His love is not in the gifts that He gives, but in the giving of Himself. 

As I heard this line, I was immediately reminded of missionary families we know and pray for all over the world. Far from home, with families of their own, they daily know what it means to hold onto the center of His love. They know the meaning of depending whole-heartedly on the Lord, because they have no other option. They know the risks and sacrifices of going (maybe specifically and maybe generally), but they also know the worth of living for Christ and seeing the Gospel go forth. 

Next, I was reminded of the sermon at church from two days ago. He said, “I think living in faith is harder in America than it is anywhere else.” He talked about physical idols built to gods in other places; however, the idols we have in America are usually invisible and we are frequently completely blind to them. They can be much more dangerous. This is similar to holding onto things that are weak reflections, at best, of God’s love and thinking we are actually holding onto Him. Only when what we are holding onto crumbles do we realize that it never was the real thing.

When I transitioned from the negative space of what the center of God’s love is NOT and was able to think about what it IS, I was overwhelmed with the truth of the HOPE we have in Him. In my art classes, we have been working on anchor charts from the perspective of Hebrews 6, where God’s Word tells us that our hope in Him is secure, comparing it to an anchor for the soul. That is what I think of when I think about what the center of God’s love truly is…an anchor for the soul, immoveable, unchangeable, stable and strong. Beginning in verse 13, the next 8 verses describe in great detail and with specific examples and prophecies why we can trust the certainty of God’s promises. This is real, this is what makes life worth living, and this is what I want to be holding onto, rather than a well-disguised shadow that only leaves me empty and alone.

I don’t read The Message often, but sometimes I love the beautiful words it uses to communicate scripture. Hebrews 6:18-20 says “We who have run for our very lives to God have every reason to grab the promised hope with both hands and never let go. It’s an unbreakable spiritual lifeline, reaching past all appearances right to the very presence of God where Jesus, running on ahead of us, has taken up his permanent post as high priest for us, in the order of Melchizedek.”

Grab on with both hands and never let go, but be sure you know what you’re grabbing. 

Obsessed with Fifty Shades

Although there have been articles written, too many to mention, and obvious reasons why avoiding Fifty Shades may be a wise move, I have continued to struggle personally with why I am so obsessed with it...opposing it, that is. After quite a bit of introspective contemplation, I may have finally pinpointed the roots for my strong feelings about it.

1. So many women are obsessed with this series. The first book remained on the NY Best Sellers List for 147 weeks or something like that. At one point, the books were selling at a rate of 2 copies per second. That is just insanity. All of that leads to a simple conclusion...women are looking for something more and somehow this storyline has them convinced that they can have more. There is no way that most, maybe any, will admit that they want or need anything from the experience of reading the books/watching the movie other than entertainment. It is also impossible that what everyone gets from it is the same. It's even been labeled by some as 'Mommy Porn'. I think the motives run much deeper than the physical, though (although there is more than enough of it here). Erika (author: E L James) even says it in a interview. She talks about the way a woman wants to be taken care of and even controlled. In our culture, so many women do it all: careers, families, dinner on the table, etc. etc. etc. It is a temptation for many women simply trying to keep their heads above water to consider all needs being met and all decisions being made by a wealthy, handsome man who desires her. So, I get it, sort of. I am not saying I blame wives, moms and single women for needing an escape from life that is just hard sometimes. However, for reasons that will follow, I urge you to seek out a healthier outlet than this.

2. BDSM is falsely romanticized and deceitfully skimmed over in this series. No, I have not read the books (and will not). I have not seen the movie. You can stop reading now if that discredits, in your perspective, what I have to share. I have researched enough...remember I said I was obsessed...read reviews and watched interviews from both sides to have enough information about the details of what is included. I also have the overwhelming response of the masses on my side, when it comes to this issue. If the humiliation, pain and abuse is not apparent enough to cause those who do not practice it personally to be off-putting, then it isn't an accurate representation of what BDSM involves. It normalizes what is, in reality, a very unhealthy and abnormal relationship. It isn't a love story...love stories can happen in real life. It's a twisted fairy tale that has captured women who are willing to compromise dignity, morals and true love because it's new, different, exciting and worth it if he's cute enough, rich enough and becomes Prince Charming in the end, right? 

3. It causes me to grieve for dear ones I know and how they may be affected. I have counseled clients and have friends who have struggled with pornography addiction, BDSM tendencies, so desperate to find a submissive/dominant to meet their needs that they search on Craig's List (before these books were even written). I say 'struggle' because not one of them wanted these desires but instead fought with every fiber of their being against them. Why would any of us knowingly expose our eyes, thoughts, minds and hearts to something so potentially damaging? "It's just a movie." "It's just entertainment." Not for everyone. For those who suffer, it's saying that this is ok. It's saying that it's really not that big of a deal and it doesn't lead to abuse, rape, substance abuse, suicidal thoughts/attempts. It has a happy ending. Not true, my friends. Even if you think contributing to making this type of 'entertainment' such a success affects no one else but you...think again. It affects our culture and what is permissible. It affects our children and the kind of world they will grow up in. It affects those who have been abused and manipulated and sends the message that their suffering doesn't matter, because this is popular, so they should really be able to get over it. I physically hurt when I think about the pain this dangerous message will cause and feel helpless to prevent it. The justification that enables such atrocities is truly pathetic.

There are more, so many more reasons why I see problems with these books and movie. As I watched Erika being interviewed, she seemed like such a lovely person. She was extremely shy and a bit overwhelmed by her exploding fame in such a quick time. She apparently isn't so interested in having lots of money and doesn't really want her life to change due to the fame, although both are inevitable. She has two teenage sons whom she hopes NEVER read the books. Right there with ya, sister. My two boys will most definitely not be exposed to anything remotely close to what you have written while in my home. Neither would my daughters if I had any. She read the Twilight series, was inspired by Stephanie Meyer, did a little research and wrote a novel. She didn't expect it to amount to much. I can't help but wonder if even she is a little disappointed that 'this' is the kind of stuff people get excited about. 'This' is what people are spending their time reading and their Valentine's dates watching. It's quite a declining world we are living in and I'm a little sad to think on it for long. So I will stop there and feel a step closer to resolution of my personal feelings on this matter.